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Showing content with the highest reputation on 06/07/2011 in all areas

  1. 1 point
    I'm sorry, I must be misunderstanding you... Let me explain my thoughts; first, monogamy (as sexual exclusivity) and infidelity are mutually exclusive...so even 1 single voluntary case of infidelity among a 'monogamous' species sets up the failure rate. As we see cases of infidelity among the celebrities and politicians on TV, just those cases alone are more than enough evidence against humans being a sexually monogamous species. Second, as funcoupledayton puts it, infidelity has been around forever. I don't even know what more to say, because for you to say it's been around for only 50 years is obviously wrong...I must not be understanding your thoughts. Divorce (as a legal entity) is a little tricky because while America defines and conducts divorce one way, that doesn't mean something similar hasn't happened in magnitude in other cultures that should still be regarded as divorce (Read Marjorie Shostak's book Nisa, for a good introduction on different cultures' definitions of divorce). Like I said earlier, you can't have extra pair sexual behavior present in a species and still call that species monogamous or say that monogamy is a successful configuration. Your parents and grandparents (if truly monogamous) are the exception (and prey to societal indoctrination, nothing more)...your current life is anecdotal evidence of what I'm saying. Western civilization is not the first to capitalize on the sensual gratification of humans, lest you forget things like the Kama Sutra and prostitution being the oldest profession, etc...so, I don't know how you think we're living in a unique set of circumstances. Rather, I think Western Civilization puts too much pressure on couples to remain sexually monogamous (while also encouraging deceitful infidelity), and this puts undue hardships on the participants of monogamy considering our innate makeup to the contrary. And, yes actually, I would support the repudiation of monogamous marriage as the end all solution to human relationships even if it has a 15,000 year history (which you haven't substantiated), simply because the science shows a different innate configuration...if we didn't correct our errors based on objective science, then imagine Galileo or Charles Darwin's theories in that world. Don't get me wrong, monogamy has worked in isolated circumstances like your parents, so I'm not in support of eradicating monogamy all together; to each his/her own...in fact, I have a socially monogamous relationship since I am married and committed to my wife, but we have extra sexual behavior as well. Sexual monogamy fails miserably in most relationships and in those, we should have a legal and socially acceptable alternative other than cheating.
  2. 1 point
    Infidelity has been around forever! Do you know for certain your parents and grandparents were always faithful? There is no way you can say you do. In the past it was quite acceptable to have a mistress. I don't think today's concept of marital exclusivity has a 15,000 year history. Now women have freedoms and are able to get divorced. In the past they lived with the infidelity of their husbands or were killed for their own infidelities. I don't think you need to resent anyone for researching a topic and presenting it in a logical fashion.
  3. 1 point
    I think you have at least one good point here, but I believe your critique contains several misconception. Let me deal with those. First, there is absolutely nothing New Age about this book. No cyrstals, no past life regression, no love signs, acupressure, reiki, homeopathy, or anything of the sort. Second, over the last 10,000 years (not 15), monogamy as we know it has not been the universal norm; polygamy has been at least as common (read your Bible!). And until the last couple of centuries, monogamy involved treating women as chattel. Finally, one thing is very clear, and that is that monogamy is NOT working like a charm for "the vast majority. Anything but. The rates of divorce and infidelity are eloquent testimony to that. In many Western countries, traditional monogamy has morphed into serial monogamy, which is really a form of polygamy, as the standard. Now the term "monogamy" simply means one marriage, but we usually assume that it involves sexual fidelity. The authors, themselves married, seem to believe in the value of a life-long partnership. But you are right that the authors do not suggest any alternatives, other than suggesting that sexual infidelity alone should not end an otherwise successful marriage. The whole point of the book is that we evolved for 190,000 years as strongly promiscuous animals, and that while we can choose to behave differently, we're swimming against the stream, just as, for example, Roman Catholic priests do.
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