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I would suggest a marriage counselor to help you communicate better. This problem is a bit beyond our level of expertise. It's not really a swinging issue but rather a marital one. Concentrate on sorting that out first.

"Wrong," "Dumb," or "Stupid" are not terms that help communication between people who love each other. To refuse to communicate is not communication at all. I wish I had some useful advice but it seems to me that, with the problems you've outlined, there may not be much hope. Here, for the umpteenth time that I've written this on the Swingers Board, is all I can offer: My late wife and I agreed early in our relationship (at her suggestion) that we would never become angry at any question that was asked and would always answer it as completely as possible. "I don't want to talk about it!" was never acceptable. This worked for us for almost thirty years. First, I'd suggest saying to her, "Sweetheart, if we don't learn to communicate better, we may not be able to save our marriage." Then, I'd suggest introducing her to the Swingers Board. There's probably not a better site on the internet for a couple to learn marital communication from people who are very good at it. The folks here are compassionate, practical, and more than willing to help. Thanks for joining us! Alura

Standard disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional and I don't even play one on TV, but I do have a fair amount of experience dealing with my own unwanted negative emotions. I've used CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) to great success and if you can accept the following two ideas then it may help you work through issue 4: - You own your thoughts and emotions. - If you want to, you can modify how you feel. The following is a (simplified and highly contrived) example of how you might used CBT to mediate and modify your negative emotions: - Identify the thought that triggered the emotion: "I'm an awful person, I just cheated on my wife" - Asses the emotions you are feeling and their intensities (i.e: loathing: 10, guilt 9, embarrassment 7) - Peel away the layers of the mental onion that wraps that thought, i.e: What does it mean or say about you that you just "cheated on your wife". Often you will find an extremely hostile thought at it's core, i.e: "I am a lying, cheating, worthless, piece of shit, who always hurts the ones I love" - Now, do an assessment, can you honestly say that core thought is true? Wasn't your wife aware, and even encourage you? Didn't she enjoy herself? Weren't you completely honest with each other about what was going to happen? etc. - Re-asses the emotions you are feeling and their intensities - By confronting the negative thought, you can often greatly reduce the intensity of the associated negative emotions. There are several very good books that cover CBT in great detail (Mind over Mood is one Mind Over Mood) and I have also benefited from the coaching of a good therapist.

From a man's point of view... I rate women by how excited they are to be with me! Body type is of little importance. If I find them attractive, fun, and sexy. Away we go. I imagine a woman's point of view might be more sympathetic though. And I can understand you feeling more comfortable not being next to someone way thinner. (5'4" and 150 isn't that big a deal) But it's the #1 thing I hear. Even many of the model looking types have some sort of self esteem issue. I've heard a 26 year old that looks amazing say she needs a breast lift. I'd say worry more about playing the play partner and less about how you look doing it.