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Hi again. It’s been awhile since I visited this thread, and I see a lot has been going on. So just wanted to give my two cents. This has now been going on for well over a year, and you are only recently meeting this guy? Furthermore, your wife and him, still isn’t comfortable enough to have you at least watch? I really don’t see how this can be classified as swinging. I would say cuckolding, but even that's not the case in this situation as she’s not even allowing you to even enjoy the show. This can’t be hot-wife either, cause truthfully, it doesn’t seem like you have much say in it, all you get is the satisfaction of maybe "knowing" what’s going on. Truthfully speaking, how can this be enough for you, especially when it’s been going on this long? I'll take your word for it when you say the guy remains respectful about yall’s rules, but i still don’t like this situation, and I don’t see how you can be ok with it going on for so long, or even going on at all. Furthermore, this guy is supposedly a single male… are you sure he doesn’t see your wife as his possession? I mean why is a single guy wasting time with a married woman when he should be looking for his own possession? Unless of course he already feels he has a possession… I’m just saying you can be really cutting it close with this one, and all the while be secretly getting played for a fool and laughed at behind your back. Seeing as you aren’t even getting any side-action of your own (and you for some reason think that’s ok) it comes off to me as you have some severe low self-esteem issues; the fact you stated you even lost weight in this process speaks volumes to me, and raises a lot of red flags. Now I don’t mean to play devil's advocate here, but this is not making any sense... It's almost like you are simply giving your wife away to another man, for whatever your real reasons are, and you are ok with not getting anything back anything in return other than the stuff she’s telling you when she’s done getting pleased by her lover, someone she’s clearly ‘chosen over you’ and pleases her, because she keeps going back to him. It's like she's two-timing you or like you are giving her permission to cheat on you, this isn't even an open-marriage cause you aren't even getting any on the side... This makes you happy to know shes getting pleased by someone else other than you? This is far beyond, and deeper, than anything swinging in my view. Swinging is the least of your concerns. This is you giving in to the fact you feel you are incapable of pleasing you wife, and now getting off on the fact another man is pleasing her, and she can't even give you the pleasure of at least watching. It’s been going on for over a year now bro, how can you honestly be ok with this? I have a strong feeling if you dare to tell her to stop seeing this man, you will be in for a rude awakening, but something tells me you don’t even have the drive to even go there with her in fear of losing her... I sincerely hope you guys don’t have children involved in all this. For it to have been going on for over a year now, and you are only now meeting this guy, and he gets you a drink shortly before going to once again please your wife, and you still have yet to even experience it, or even see it ... I don’t know man, I don’t get it... It doesn’t make sense to me... Just a quick hypothetical question... is your wife happy with you in the bed, is she even happy with you as a person? I see a lot more red flags I can touch on, but I’ll leave it at this for now… Good luck…

First, you and your ramblings are VERY welcome here! Glad you're here! At first pass, you sound very much like your average swinger. While there's no set type, many swingers tend to be in the 35-55 age range when they first set out. This has to do with growing maturity in understanding one's emotions and relationship with your spouse, and having a longer marriage that has become very stable, open, caring and strong. (as you note, nothing wrong with being gay or bi!) There is absolutely NOTHING gay or bi in the notion of watching your wife have sex with other men. It is highly erotic, and a very enjoyable experience for a husband to watch this happening. I speak from experience on that, as I've seen it many times with my wife. It is perfectly reasonable to get turned on by this idea. Plenty of men do. A survey here on this forum noted that an MFM fantasy is twice more common than the supposed "every guy's dream" FMF fantasy. Watching and participating in an MFM where your wife is the center of attention, and enjoying herself immensely is a fantastic experience. It's not necessarily a 'problem' if your wife is not keen on the idea of watching you having sex with other women. A number of people here have and will say that ability to play should be equal. There opinion is fine, and works for them. I have a different definition of 'fair'. To me, fair is what you and your spouse both agree on and are happy with. So, if the idea of you having sex with someone else period is unacceptable to her, but you are happy with that, there isn't a problem. At least, not in my book. Alternatively, if she's ok with the idea of you having sex with other women, just not watching, there's ways to work around that. Frequently in a couples scenario, her attention would probably be pretty focused on the other husband, and not you having sex with his wife. This has been true with my wife. Other options include separate room play (at some point in the future), and solo play dates for you (way down the road, if ever). Lots of couples run into sex boredom issues. It can be hard to stay jazzed for decades. The ideas you have used are great. You can also consider some other ideas; Have her go to a very nice night club, dressed in a provocative way. You come in a few minutes later, and take up a seat across the club, where you can see her, and she can see what men approach her, talk with them, etc. Not actually do anything with them, but just see what the 'bait' draws. This can be a sexual charge machine for some, as they see how attractive their wives are to other men, and for the wives to feel so attractive as well. Try out a nude beach. Spend time/money on high quality lingerie shopping with her. Try sex jewelry; thinking nipple rings/chains (not piercings here), etc. Try having sex in risque locations, in public places, but not necessarily such that you would be caught. Even some privacy in a movie theatre can lead to some fun petting, etc. The lifestyle can be a sexual charger, there's no doubt. Many, many couples report that getting into, even thinking about getting into the lifestyle has caused a massive uptick in how horny they are. Many couples report that immediately after their first encounter in swinging, they can't keep their hands off of each other for days afterwards. Serious excitement. It is great that you have spent so long talking about swinging. The open communication is a very key ingredient in successful swinging. Keep it going! It's ok to talk over things you've talked about before regarding swinging. Also, is swinging a subject the two of you talk about outside of the bedroom, while mundane every day things are going on? Swinging is a great fantasy, but for some couples it's better left a fantasy. A good way to check on that is how comfortable you feel talking about swinging with your spouse while doing mundane, non-sex related things. How to start? There's no 'right' way to start. How you both want to start is your own 'right' way. A swing club is great for many couples. Getting together over dinner with another lifestyle couple can be a great experience too, even if you don't do anything but have dinner with them. It's nice to meet with another couple who are swingers, to kinda prove to yourself that swingers are just your average people (with a fun twist!). Same room sex can be a great way to dip your foot in the pool, so to speak. If there's any sense that it's wrong for you, there's a reasonable chance it will come out there, and you would have not done any actual swapping; nothing to feel guilty about. Whatever your decisions, please feel free to keep asking questions here. We love helping people, and are very happy to answer anything you might ask!