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Snapps, you obviously don't understand how you sound to others. If I were jovichick or psycdr I would have been less delicate than they have been replying to you. Snapps, your experiences are yours and unique to your situation. Jovichick and psycdr have a situation all their own and very clearly different from yours. They have demonstrated an excellent level of communication, essential to any strong relationship. They have taken this very slowly, perhaps we might say painfully slowly, but in no way have they jumped into this. Their caution has been exemplary. You insinuated that psycdr's manhood and self esteem were suffering. That's a complete projection on your part from your experiences. From reading both jovichick's and pyscdr's writings I come to the exact opposite conclusion. They both have healthy self esteems and psycdr's manhood is in no way in question. To me it's obvious that jovichick's desire for someone she feels comfortable with trumps concerns about the workplace. Are there risks? Sure. There is risk in stepping outside on a sunny day, or even staying in bed. Living life without taking risks isn't living. Being aware of the risks and how you deal with them is what determines whether risks are acceptable. The is it swinging issue is silly. There are two people in a relationship who are exploring sexually outside the relationship with full knowledge and support of both. What's not swinging about that? Why is the fact that only one has actually had sex outside the relationship so far such a threatening issue? Many times in this forum have members urged baby steps, to go no faster than those involved are comfortable with. This is exactly that. I know well the intense excitement that results from your wife having sex with another man. It's not about whether it's exactly equal sexually. That's not an issue in the thrill, the excitement, the pleasure. If you don't understand that thrill, fine. Plenty of others do. I think it takes great self esteem, confidence in the relationship and real manhood to appreciate this particular thrill. I feel that snapps has leapt to judgments uncalled for and issued warnings that speak more to his own personality than to the postings by psycdr and jovichick.