I was too in this situation. Withg my ex for 16 boring years. I tried all angles too. You might need to forget about the lifestyle if she is not interested. You can lead a horse to water, but you can`t make her suck off your friend. Sorry maybe not funny, but true. This is why she`s my ex. Nice lady, but I knew I was different than her, so I moved on and met my new gal and we have been swinging foe the last 3 1/2 years. I am not saying you should leave her. What I am saying is that you will need to decide what is important to you.