I think what Susan is saying is that she focuses on the partner she is with and anyone else in the room is not first on her radar. Look, I've had at least 2 swing partners that were so wrapped up in what my guy and his wife were up to that I wondered why I was even there at all (except to apparently function as a real live sex doll). There have been multiple threads here about feeling ignored by a spouse while swinging (whether in a threesome or swapping of some sort).
Seems like the OP's hubby may just want the real life visual of his wife sucking on a big dick, while she wanks him off as well. Doesn't seem to mention humiliation. Hubby may decide to take care of himself to get a better angle if this event happens, who knows. It seems like the OP is mindful of not wanting her hubby to feel left out, so she may be particularly diligent about making sure she doesn't ignore him. Perhaps if her hubby could explain more to her about why he finds this scenario hot might enlighten the OP and alleviate some of her questions.
Hotwife, in the way I have most commonly seen it described, is the wife playing with the full consent of her husband. Usually (but not always) playing alone with her other partner(s) and the husband in the marriage is monogamous with his wife.
And now to address the OP...I like being watched...I like feeling like every person in the room is watching me, in particular my guy watching me. Is he always? Um no because our past experiences were in group play areas and there are multiple people in the room and we are usually with separate partners which is not conducive to focusing/watching. Nor would I want one of his partners to feel like I have felt in the previously mentioned situations. The sitting back and watching thing would be better suited to a threesome type situation.
Anyway...HTH and good luck