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Wow. I hate to say it but this list is nothing but one red flag after another. He cheated on the last one with you. He didn't tell you the truth about himself when you started your affair. Honesty is so important. Not just between you and him but with his other partners. If he isn't onboard about that he's just thinking about, well, getting laid, and not you or those other women. If you are not enjoying it, don't do it. Do you feel like it before the encounters, is there an excitement and sexual thrill in the lead-up, or are you really just doing it because he's a swinger and that's what he wants in a partner? If he isn't willing to let the swinging world know that you two are a couple, that seems to be a really big problem. If he does overnights even though they make you unhappy, once again, he is thinking of himself and not you. You shouldn't have to. If he really truly cares for you more than getting laid, he would be willing to STOP and work on your relationship before embarking on an open relationship (that's what this is, not really swinging in the "classical" sense) No, of course it isn't. But when he can do this to you, he's in control, and you aren't. No wonder you feel helpless. You are. NOT normal! NOT typical! I hate to be harsh. If he's not going to listen to the concerns of the woman he loves, then is he going to be worth investing all this time/effort/emotion into? You might not be. Or this might not be the right time of your life to try it. From what you're said, this relationship is not destined for success. He wants to go out and get laid by lots of women and get to come home to you if and when he feels like it. OF COURSE you are having jealousy and security issues. Now, it's easy for me to say this without knowing you and him, with just sitting in my office of a Saturday morning reading what you've written. But as a checklist of what's wrong in a relationship, this is pretty bad. In the end, it seems that he wants what he wants, and you can get on board or get out. So, are you willing to put up with it, or do you want more from a relationship? I wouldn't be swinging if I didn't enjoy it, if I hadn't formed good friendships with the people we play with, both male and female, and if I wasn't doing this for the most part in the company of my husband, who listens to my concerns, as I listen to his. I would hope that you could find that same comfort, but if you can't, rethink what you are doing, for your sake. You deserve better than what you've got right now.