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We would agree with most here that cheating is doing something without the knowledge of the other. We are to the point now that the knowledge can come before, during, or after depending on the situation. If it is just sex, anytime is fine. If it is emotional bonding, then as soon as you realize something is going on a conversation is necessary. I tell my husband every once in a while that if he DID cheat, I'd be gone. There is no reason or excuse for it when we are so open to pretty much any situation. Granted, I would not consider it cheating if he did something while out of town or while I was out of town and it slipped his mind to tell me. If he flat out lied about it or tried to hide it, it would be cheating. It sounds complicated when I expand, but it comes down to whether or not the spouse is informed.

Welcome to the Swinger's Board! Sounds like the two of you have thought this through and are certain this is the direction you want to go:) Kudos for taking the time! You first question....how do you say you're not up for it? Simple, just say it. I hope that you've already told the couple you're talking to that you're new and while excited, still uncertain that when fantasy meets reality that's you'll actually be able to cross into swinging. If you get down to it and can't go forward, just speak up, apologize, then leave. There's one thing most people in the lifestyle respect and that's "no means no". How to handle being turned down? Well, unfortunately, rejection can be part of this lifestyle. You have to be prepared for it mentally and handle it with grace. Just accept it and move on, and don't ask for an explanation...understand that not everyone will be attracted to you as a couple and nor will you be attracted to everyone you meet. Going to a club might be a good experience for you, but it's up to you how you dip your toes into the swinging pool. If you go to a club, be sure to discuss your limits beforehand and stick to them firmly. Be sure to explain that you're new to any potential play partners so they can decide if they want to move forward. As far as your body image is concerned, we have found people don't really focus on such things and those that do aren't likely the kind of people we'd like to meet. If you truly want to camouflage it, maybe a garter with stockings would be a good cover. I have a similar issue and find that a wide garter belt can provide the coverage needed to feel comfortable. Perhaps after a few experiences, your confidence will allow you to shake the way you feel about your imperfections. Everyone has something about their bodies they are self-conscious about...but you gotta be comfortable in your own skin. Good luck in your new adventures...do post back to let us know how things are going.