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Ok, let's back up a bit here. The only people who can decide what you are doing is wrong are you and your husband. If you take the same situation and approach a variety of different sets of people, you can get reactions varying from "You will burn in hell for the carnal sin of oral sex", to "Really? That's awesome! You go girl!" and everything in between. It is not more fair for us to sit in judgment of you cheating on your husband than it is for the vanilla world to sit in judgment of swingers. Their 'sin' is our pleasure. There are plenty of people who feel very much the same with regards to cheating. I don't stand with such a philosophy, but I am not going to attempt to apply my sense of right and wrong to them or you and declare you 'bad'. The vast majority of swingers despise cheating because it is very antithetical to the whole idea of swinging. Swinging is a together activity, even when playing solo. It's wide open communication, utter trust, total willingness to help your partner achieve the pinnacle of satisfaction in their lives. Cheating isn't any of those things and is directly against it. So we here are very quick to view cheating as something we don't and can never do. I think we're also a bit hypersensitive to it because the vanilla world often views swinging as cheating, even though it isn't. So, we can't decide for you whether to feel bad or not. I can tell you, and did, that cheating isn't the way to fix your marriage. I think that's what most of us are getting at. Ok, DON'T go. You ARE welcome here. This board in general is very welcoming to all types, even if you're not a swinger. So long as you are honest and not trolling (I'm confident you're not), you're quite welcome here. Going to a club might be fun. There's a sage piece of advice in going out to a swing club; don't expect anything other than to have a pleasant evening. Don't get your expectations up of X, Y and Z happening. Usually, B, G, a smattering of L and some R happens. Seriously, just go with the idea of having a pleasant evening with your husband. Whatever else happens is bonus. My best suggestion for you is what I posted earlier; seek out a sex surrogate. These people are counselors of a different type, and can dramatically help couples with serious in-bedroom issues. The term "sex surrogate" is a partial misnomer. They don't necessarily have sex with their clients. Instead, they directly aid a couple in working through intimacy problems the couple is experiencing. Most sex surrogates have professional certifications in counseling and/or psychology. They can also help coordinate counseling with other trained professionals. As in any field, there will be good ones and bad ones. You live near NYC, so you should have no problem finding a multitude of sex surrogates.