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Based on the OP's responses it was a matter of making poor choices on how to deal with the situation. At this point it appears that she has chosen to make cleaner choices to keep her relationship with her husband intact and improve the long term growth of the marriage. Personally it appears that she made a poor choice and wanted justification that it was the best choice at that time. Now she realizes that there are better choices that can create a clean win win for the her marriage then it becomes a learning experience for her. Also for anyone else that reads these boards. Condemning her now that she is making clean choices only puts us in the same category as those that judge us for our choices to participate in the lifestyle.

Than k you VERY much for all the feedback! Both pos. and neg. Thank you! Seems as though you guys share our exact sentiments.... 1) we need to be more clear and stern on our rules- no matter what the outcomes will end up being ( ie end the night) 2) absolutely learn to read pushy people better BEFORE it gets to that point 3) No mater what, where, when, how, why etc... NO BARE BACK! We are not newbies ( @ 15 years exp, but ALL of that exp has been with couples/ singles we had formed a friendship wiuth first, so the only "new" thing to us was the pushyness and forcefullness of meeting at a party atmosphere. We never once had "issues" between us...never had, our love and relationship is FAR stronger than the LS! If we had problems, be it communicating, or trusting we would be SO out of the LS, but that is not the case. This was just basicaly us being new to the club scene/ and not REALLY knowing others before we play...more kinda looking for other experiences and things to watch out for. Will we go back? HELL YEAH! Will we run into this situation again? HELL YEAH...BUT we will be much clearer up front, during and at any other time needed! Will I have an "anxiety issue again? I'm very sure of that...but hopefully the people we have chosen to be with will be as understanding as you guys seem to be....which I will assume is more the majority than minority in the LS. Thanx a million ya'll! D & K

Getting caught up in the moment can be a bitch at times (Ted and I have both been there, done that). It's how we handle it that determines whether the experience will remain a bad memory or turned into a learning experience where we can say, "that sucked, let's not do that again", forgive ourselves and move on. You and your wife stated your rules. The other man didn't follow them, shame on him. The one thing I saw that you and your wife could have done differently is instead of her saying, I'm not ready for that and not yet, would have been to say, "No, we said we were soft swap only" and you backing her up. By saying I'm not ready and not yet, I can see where the other man could have gotten the wrong message and thought it was okay to proceed, and your comment of soft swap being out the door and your wife letting him fuck her a second time probably reaffirmed that in his mind. Hindsight is 20/20 so don't beat yourselves up over this. I think you two handle it rather well. You didn't cause a scene, you both acknowledged what happened, you talked about it and I don't detect any blame being assigned to either of you...good job! From what I'm gathering out of your post, the only two things that really happened were you had a full swap without really knowing the man...not nearly as big a deal as if you had never swapped before and this happened, and no protection was used...yeah, I'd be pissed about that one too, but here again it's our responsibility to see this happens as well as the other person's. I also feel you are a bit upset at yourself because you couldn't maintain an erection and have your fun with the other ladies, especially since your wife fucked the other man. I still feel you two did just fine and are going to be just fine. As to is this common at hotel parties...yes and no. You will always find those that will try and push the limits of others no matter what venue you are at. With experience you learn how to deal with the pushy ones, forget them and move on to those who are more respectful and fun. Teresa