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I cannot imagine a scenario where I wouldn't use a condom for penetration. I have been in the 'throes of passion" right there at the gates and I've always stopped to put a condom on. And change condoms between partners in group sex. Alcohol is always likely to give me performance issues so I never drink when playing. I'm no superman, but my fear of STDs keeps me under control!!

It sounds like there was a lot of miscommunication going into this and now it's just gotten worse to the point of almost completely shutting down. There's space and then there's distance. You've given him a lot of space now it's time to let him know how important he is to you. Don't just tell him. Show him. Counseling should be on the agenda, but first you have to get him to even speak to you. I'd suggest writing him a letter and letting it all out. Share all that you shared above. That you realize you were wrong and that you should have listened earlier. Most importantly share how much you love him and how important he is to you. I would suggest going ahead and making an appointment with a counselor (for within a few days after you give him the letter). Include in the letter the date and time of the appointment (as well as location) and let him know that you are committed to fixing this and that you will be there with or without him. Hopefully, he will show up. It's not too late to fix this. That said, I do think that swinging is probably off the table for your relationship (or should be). If you are good with that, I'd also include that in your letter to him.

It's not super common but it's not uncommon from our experience. We have had females just as pushy and as likely to jump on his hard cock, bareback, without asking, as we have had males do things we were not ready for even after saying 'not yet' or 'not today'. If others do not share your rules, it is easy for others to break your rules cuz your rules are not their rules. They get turned on and it's only their rules they remember - at least part of the time. We solved it by getting rid of a lot of rules over time. Now sometimes it's us people have to remind of their rules.....it's not that we don't wanna follow your rules, but it's just so easy to forget..... I also think making sure people knew soft swap for the entire play time was all you wanted, might have helped but even then....get turned on, body wants penetration, male or female may go for what their body yearns for, forgetting you said 'no'. If I'm not wanting to be penetrated by a certain guy and he nudges to put it in, I'll hand him off to someone who will let him put it in! I understand for some their brains are not 100% there every moment and just move out of range.....

Getting caught up in the moment can be a bitch at times (Ted and I have both been there, done that). It's how we handle it that determines whether the experience will remain a bad memory or turned into a learning experience where we can say, "that sucked, let's not do that again", forgive ourselves and move on. You and your wife stated your rules. The other man didn't follow them, shame on him. The one thing I saw that you and your wife could have done differently is instead of her saying, I'm not ready for that and not yet, would have been to say, "No, we said we were soft swap only" and you backing her up. By saying I'm not ready and not yet, I can see where the other man could have gotten the wrong message and thought it was okay to proceed, and your comment of soft swap being out the door and your wife letting him fuck her a second time probably reaffirmed that in his mind. Hindsight is 20/20 so don't beat yourselves up over this. I think you two handle it rather well. You didn't cause a scene, you both acknowledged what happened, you talked about it and I don't detect any blame being assigned to either of you...good job! From what I'm gathering out of your post, the only two things that really happened were you had a full swap without really knowing the man...not nearly as big a deal as if you had never swapped before and this happened, and no protection was used...yeah, I'd be pissed about that one too, but here again it's our responsibility to see this happens as well as the other person's. I also feel you are a bit upset at yourself because you couldn't maintain an erection and have your fun with the other ladies, especially since your wife fucked the other man. I still feel you two did just fine and are going to be just fine. As to is this common at hotel parties...yes and no. You will always find those that will try and push the limits of others no matter what venue you are at. With experience you learn how to deal with the pushy ones, forget them and move on to those who are more respectful and fun. Teresa

In general it is completely normal to want to get to know people a bit before agreeing to meet. I can usually tell in one chat session whether or not I will get along with someone and actually WANT to meet. And if I meet someone, I will usually be okay playing with them because I've already kind of gotten a feel on whether or not we're compatible personality-wise. If you haven't done so already, put a line in your profile about wanting to talk once or exchange a few messages before exchanging phone numbers/meeting. Anyone who isn't willing to put in that time or the effort won't contact you, or if they do you can politely remind them of what they should have read.

Here’s kind of a fun game we have played; We set out to go to the local swing club, and with the intention of just being “social”. The goal was to go up to and just talk to everyone, not to hook-up, not to play. That really lowers the stress, and not a whole lot of confidence needed there. From these experiences, we have met more very cool people than ever before. What happens is; you might hit it off with one or two couples that night, and exchange emails or whatever, and THEY will introduce you to other couples along the way. We have met more than a dozen great couples this way, not all of them are play partners, some are just great dinner/chat friends. Now it seems our problem is picking and choosing every weekend, because they are all fantastic! Hope this helps!

First, welcome to the forum! This is a great place for advice:) You don't mention if you go to clubs or meet & greets. It helps to be seen out and about and let people have a chance to get to know you a bit. Sometimes a winning personality let's people see beyond the statistics. Perhaps joining a different site would also increase your chances of finding new friends. We're on 3 different sites and when there is a lull on one, there seems to be an uptick on interest on the others...odd, I know. Don't be disheartened about finding a woman, it's supply and demand! If you are a guy wanting to play alone at times (with permission), those single ladies have lots of options...so guessing they often choose those most attractive/fit or the single guy in hopes of a relationship. Confidence is sexy and it sounds like you're not feeling it these days. When you go out, put yourself in that mindset! Imagine yourself suave and sexy and others will see that projected. Hard to do, I know, but necessary...like putting on a smile, it will just make you feel better. You don't mention if your wife is bi - but if straight, there's a lot of couples looking for g/g play, so that may account for some of the lack of interest. I know when we changed my status from bi-curious to straight, the interest dropped dramatically. I am certain there will be other replies with other great ideas posted. Stay tuned to this thread and again, welcome to the Swinger's Board.