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Yes, that’s what he’s saying and I can see the logic behind it. Rules between couples are put in place to prevent jealousy issues or feelings of betrayal. But this flies counter to the sexual freedom of swinging. The more oppressive the rules, the greater this conflict. One has to ask why a couple would want to swing, yet feel it necessary to restrict the sex acts. We have been with couples that will allow a cock in every orifice, but no kissing. We’ve been with one couple that only allows anal intercourse between his wife and the other man (no oral or vaginal), while the husband only allows oral sex to be performed on him (no fucking), but will not go down on the other woman. You almost need a list of instructions to play with them. The rules aren’t the problem, but the symptom of it. The underlying problem is the necessity for such rules. And many soft swingers fall into this category. What makes matters worse is sexual arousal is a powerful motivator to “push” limits. Soft swinging sometimes escalates to intercourse … and one partner does the dirty deed usually while the other isn’t looking. We were with a soft swing couple who had a “no intercourse” rule but allowed the husband to masturbate the other woman’s clitoris with the head of his penis. He was doing that to me, but every so often (actually quite often) he would dip it in, then quickly take it out and make it look like he was just rubbing it on me. After about 30 quick “dips” he reached orgasm … taking the first squirt inside me, and the rest on my belly, making a point of having his wife notice the semen ON me (instead of in me). Of course I didn’t blow his cover, but what would have happened had his wife realized what he did? That would have been a betrayal, and a serious problem … one that could have been avoided by not having a rule that invites betrayal. I notice this all the time with bareback sex. At the swingers club we go to there is a lot of quickie intercourse that occurs on the dance floor. At the bar guys pontificate religiously about their insistence on safe sex, even to the point of insultingly ridiculing anyone who entertains the slightest thought of not using a condom. Yet these same men have no qualms about sneaking a bare cock in me on the dance floor when they realize I’ll take it bare … as long as their wives aren’t looking. And I got news for you guys … your wives take it bare when you’re not looking! My 67 year old husband sometimes has trouble even with Viagra. A condom kills him – and he’s so thankful that so many swinger women are hypocrites about condom use. Bottom line – soft swingers fuck, and safe sex pontificators go bare. So just drop all the rules and have fun.