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Ya know...I get the gyst of this saying but I've always had a problem with this notion in general. Maybe it's just me but there is something about sex that makes it more than "just sex". Maybe it's the level of trust I have to have to do that with someone. Maybe I'm self-protecting my relationship by only viewing it in a way that I can handle and keep perspective. In some ways I think we people in the lifestyle devalue sex to something we just "do". Almost to the point where we would be more upset seeing our spouse walking down the street with a swing buddy holding their hand lovingly - but the sex is just sex. My recovering Catholic brain has had a hard time ironing out these philosophical wrinkles. But when it comes down to managing it emotionally I think it takes A LOT of practice, honesty with your partner(s) and honesty with ourselves to really, truly learn to LIVE like sex is just sex. Take the "threat" out of it I guess. I have had "sex" with other partners in the LS. Sometimes its just sex (blah / boring / rather be with my wife) and sometimes there is a deeper connection that sets off rockets. It's just "sex" in as much as I'm not going to leave my wife because I have an earth-shattering connection with another woman...but I think this expression trivializes all the work we have to do on our relationships and on ourselves to get to the point where we can say that. It does take a LOT for a person to be able to say "sex is just sex" and REALLY REALLY mean it 100% of the time...which I propose is unrealistic and/or rare. For me it comes up a lot in striking a balance in relationships we have with other couples. Sex is just sex, sure, but when my wife OR I are having a wonderful connection on many levels with our swing buddy but the other of us is not really feeling it on the same level with our swing buddy...it's okay but the "sex" slowly becomes a little more than just sex now. Why? Because the relationship is out of balance...one person is getting more out of their experience than the other. One person is giving up that great "connection" with their spouse, watching their spouse get something "like it" back from their partner while they are experiencing "just sex" and are a little lacking in what they are getting. At that point the sex becomes more than sex. Call it sex with a connection if making love is too hard to swallow - but it becomes MORE THAN JUST SEX. We need to be honest with OURSELVES first and our PARTNERS second to keep things status quo. Now I realize that there are MANY different perspectives out there. There are people who have the ability to get down and walk away like it was a handshake. And there are people who don't have sex unless they know everyone very very well...and everything in between. This is just my rambling on the topic that struck a cord. Sharing it brings me one step closer to having some realizations that I clearly need to have as well.