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Ah Steve , you are mixing up the symptom and the problem. The problem is that you are not enjoying what you are (usually) doing. Your natural inclinations are (seemingly) more inline with a slower , more natural gradual seduction theme and pacing. Kind of like a kinky , multipartner vanilla hot date. You're trying to force yourself into a situation outside of your inclinations. *Sometimes* pushing beyond usual boundries revs things up. *Sometimes* it just leaves you feeling out of bounds. But trying to press on when it is clearly not your cup of tea , just sets up self reinforcing frustration. There is no right or wrong ways of ( having fun , that also includes other people and often sex) . The spectrum in endless. Emphasis is on Fun , not how *everybody else* goes about it. Take a break. Wait until you really really want to try somthing new. Then instead of trying the same things you guys were trying before , do things differently. *Probably this means more focused on fewer people, going slower , aand building more of a rapport , and graduly getting physical. That's probably not the typical Club or party scene, but so what. Do you nd your wife enjoy , don't obsess over fitting into preconcieved niches.

Both ads are written well enough, but there's nothing particularly juicy about either one. You sound like a nice guy who loves his wife, one who is perhaps just a little sad or aimless, but smart and pleasant. What you don't sound like, in spite of your clearly articulated desires, is someone who is really looking for hot sex or a hot (albeit secondary) relationship. I might hire you, I'd probably have coffee with you, but - and I mean this kindly - I wouldn't f*** you. If you want that to happen, you're going to have to write ads that actually make room for another woman in your life. What can you do for her? What do you want from her? What if your FWB ad looked a little more like this?: I want someone I can hang out with.....have you come over or I come to your place, talk, watch movies, play video games.....listen to music. Maybe go out for a drink or a movie occasionally. I want the click, where there's chemistry and attraction. I would love for it to get physical, making out, heavy petting, oral or full blown sex, your choice. I like it all. Age is unimportant (legal obviously!), looks are important to a point, but I have no specific "type", I like the BBWs as well as skinny, toned women.....all depends on the complete package. Be able to hold a conversation! As hot as you may be, if you're dumb, that turns me off & then we won't have much to talk about. Drug (I don't consider weed a drug) and disease free, prefer non-smoking and near by (Lynnwood, Edmonds, MLT, etc.). It's fine if you're in a relationship, married or not, as long as he/she knows about it. Same words, ordered a little differently. A little more direct, maybe a little more effective. Does any of this resonate for you?

"there is no judgement for those who can't handle swinging but these statements tend to suggest otherwise" Maybe it would be less offensive if one said, "I trust my partner enough to allow this" or "I'm not threatened by this," but I'm thinking that if you're offended by seeing love put into the decision, then "trust" and "threat" would also not sit right with you. The bottom line is there is a difference people who choose to swing and people who don't, and even between people who choose to swing solo and people who don't, because they see things from a different point of view, from within their own life and situation, and no matter how either side phrases the reason, the other side will try to compare. Is it "fair"? Well, yeah. One's point of view is one's own. It doesn't have to be anyone else's.