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I think CandLinPC smashed the nail on the head....This sounds like future counseling session fodder. Please don't take that as an insult in anyway, it is meant only to illustrate. You two need to talk this through. And the unhappy side of it is you may realize that you guys are no longer fit to swing. It is going to suck for you and it is going to suck for him. It appears that you have the right mindset for both swinging and keeping your relationship first. Unfortunately, with all the good advice you are getting none of it will work until you get through to him. He has to admit to himself that there may be an issue. If I may be so bold as to offer a way to get him to walk down that path with you, it may require a little manipulation on your part but believe that it will benefit you both in the long run. Many men and women, specifically in the vanilla, but carries over into our world as swingers, often find the fact that their mate or even themselves would be interested in another party sexually. This leads to feelings of inadequacy, bitterness and anger which can manifest in a variety of ways. Men for example, may question the devotion of the significant other and take it as a personal insult to his manhood that you would dare to consider sex with another male much less a female. Women, in my experience, take this to mean that she is not good enough in bed to completely satisfy her man. Again, this is not the end all, me being omnipotent, just observations. In your case, based on what I have read, again non-insultive; it is not a far leap to categorize this behavior as passive aggression. A way to punish you without directly punishing you. To clarify, he has a good defense about some of the things he is doing, "we are swingers" , " we're in an open relationship" or "well, you’re fucking other people" . Which drums up the correct behavior in you, which is concern, confusion, disappointment and some slight anger/bitterness. Emotion drama that you don't want to deal with, further punishment. This may all be somewhat unintentional as well. SO, the manipulative part, he isn’t coming clean with your questioning about why he is doing it and what is going on with him, so you may have to lead him along by getting him to focus on him. Reassure him that you are in with him for the long haul. Remind him what a great lover he is for you and how special he makes you feel. Then start with the questions, small easily answerable questions, get him to fess up to his kinks, what is turning him on, then try to relate that to your kinks and what you want to explore. Don’t jump into this too quickly, as the goal is to get him to open up. Get him talking and then ease into why he can do what he wants and says you can do what you want but not end up wth the cold shoulder. I know it very much looks like I am telling you to baby him but really I am trying to get you to baby your relationship by giving him that nurturing which may help any insecurity or distrust so you get those honest answers to strengthen your relationship. Or you could just handcuff him to the bed rails face down and start shoving fingers in his asshole with the threat of working everything in until you reach your elbow or he gives you what you want to hear. lol sorry, got too serious for a moment there. Finally, I am not an expert nor do I presume to be, I don’t know all the details about your specific situation and there may be even more dangerous things lurking beneath what you have shared. Unfortunately you won’t know either until you guys get to talking and sharing honestly. Also, there is no guarantee that you will like the answers either. I really do wish you the very best of luck with whatever you decide to do and with what happens next.

As the male half to this pair, I wanted to reply becuase this question burns in many women. Although my reply repeats many of the great points previously made, I have to say, not just to you but to all women who may read this.......it doesn't matter what shape you are, what size boobs, what shape boobs, bottoms, arms, leg lengths you have. As a man, I am going to admire for no other reason than you are a woman. In this life we have all chosen to live, body images constantly come up becuase we often step outside of a comfort zone or safe zone of that significant other who has already bought into you. The same questions exist for men also. My wife still laughs at me becuase the first time I noticed a few hairs growing up around the shoulder area, I completely lost my mind. (personal feeling about hair in certain places on me) LOL. Oh and this was after a night of naked frollicking at a club. Turns out, I was the only one that noticed or cared. So with all the text above, the answer to your question is simple....it is not a turn off. I hope you use the confidence you alluded to earlier and only get better with age. Besides, behind every woman in this lifestyle and in the vanilla world is a line a men that would love to show you just how sexy you are. LOL