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One of the points from the original poster I noticed is that he feels he's not getting the re-connection intimacy after. I know where you are coming from!! We've had this issue also. I want to be with my husband sexually after, but it's so late and he's exhausted so it doesn't happen that night, the next night the kids are up, the next night we both have headaches... This really sucks because the best part of swinging is the wave of increased closeness and sexiness between us before and after. I have to accept that he physically can't keep going like I can. He is very good about getting me off if I haven't orgasmed during swinging. Or, I'll touch myself while he falls asleep next to me or we'll both masturbate next to each other and we both like that. Or, just fall asleep naked together. While I'd love to have full-blown crazy sex when we get home, these things work to make me feel connected. Maybe try talking to your wife about how you can get the intimacy you need after swinging, even though she/both of you are tired. We've started to make it a priority to go to bed earlier on weeknights and I requested no tv in bed MWF. We also try to start playing earlier in the evening if possible, then we have time to get home and do our own thing before we pass out. It's also nice to sometimes just go to the club and play by ourselves as exhibitionists or play next to friends, but not swap at all. I feel a lot of intimacy when we do that. I think this issue is more important than the question of taking one for the team or separate vs same room/bed. Good luck, hope next time goes better!