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We're somewhat embarrassed to say we use Craigslist due to its reputation, although we defend it fairly vehemently (Example!). We thought that the best thing we could do is outline what helps us determine who is real and who is not, while debunking some common misconceptions. Despite how savvy we think we are, we still get it wrong some of the time though so, feel free to take this with a bit of caution. There are plenty of posts discussing peoples' opinion about Craigslist. This is not one of them A post on CL is a lot like an ad, except you have to renew it if you plan on continuing to use CL as a meet resource. We'd love to hear other pointers on how to navigate the CL environment. Finally, we use CL to find other couples only. Our experiences may not apply to other areas of Craigslist. We do not define ads as fake or real, they are all real. There are no 'bots' on Craigslist, every respondent to your ad and ever ad was created by a human being. Your challenge lies within determining whether or not the poster or respondent is truthful about their intentions; not whether they are real or not. Red flags when viewing ads others have posted: 1. Pictures are 'thumbnail' sized, irregularly shaped, or of their genitalia only. 2. Pictures have copyright or blurred copyright/ownership tags on them. 3. There is too much emphasis on trying to prove the poster is real. For example: multiple mentions of the weather, whether or a local sports team has won or lost recently, asking respondents to add a word to the subject or their response. 4. Abundant use of lingo or stock ad. (Link to Swinger's Board Dictionary). Our definition of a stock ad is the following: "Wife recently changed her mind and we're looking for another couple for full swap. We're not Ken and Barbie and do not expect you to be either. Both DDF, non smokers and looking for the same. The weather is 63 degrees today and the Sox won! Put "some random word here" in your response so we know you're real!" The emphasis is on a one, two or three line ad with common terms and making a point to prove they are real. 5. Too much ambiguity. If you cannot say why they swing, describe how to they look (from a picture or description) or exactly what they are looking for, then their ad is too ambiguous. You should take this is as a sign they are not serious or not truthful. 6. Excessive white lines. If the post starts after 2 or 3+ blank lines, they have done a very sloppy job copying and pasting their ad to other city's sections. Determining if a respondent/poster is posting a fake ad/response 1. Images should be equally sized but you should take into consideration cropping if they are not sending unaltered photos. Images should be sent through email and be larger than 400kb. 2. If there is a clue in the photo to a preference from either party, casually ask them about it in a later email. Similarly, pay attention to whether or not their later answers match up with the information in their ad. For example: He is wearing boxers that say Ohio State University on them. Ask if he is a Buckeyes fan. 3. Simply verify they are who they say they are with a quick call. Both of you should be available at the time of the call, and if you prefer the same from the other couple, ask that they both be present. 4. If something is too good to be true, it probably is. An 11 inch penis is most likely not his. 5. Very quick reference to anal, double penetration, or excessive swinger activities should be a sign of either poor judgement or too much pornographic influence. 6. Requests to trade pictures of wives are always, without fail, false. If you're looking for another couple or person, you should be passing over these anyways. 7. Use of age appropriate terms. If someone is over 30, we do not expect 'lol' to be used after every other word. 8. If the poster refers to themselves too objectively, it is probably a single male trying to live out his fantasy. For example: "the male does x, or the female does y". Use of 'he' and 'she', to an extent, is acceptable! 9. If a respondent or poster quickly jumps to describing, in detail, what they want to see happen or what they'd like to do to you/your partner, etc., it is likely they are living our a fantasy. Positive signs the poster or respondent is truthful 1. Their post or response is detailed, descriptive and lengthy. 2. A picture is G (or X, but not hardcore) rated with both people clearly pictured. 3. They can speak accurately about a local swinger's club. 4. The respondent has CC'd his or her partner or does so in a later email. 5. Knowledge of the local area or lingo is helpful. This helps demonstrate an understanding of the area. Common Myths 1. There is no such thing as 'bots' responding to ads. Once you understand what you mean by 'bot', you'll understand why this is not a realistic concern. 2. Asking for a respondent to put a word in the title will prove the respondent is real. All posters are real, the question is whether or not they are truthful. Personal Notes 1. If you post an ad and it is very, very obvious you are truthful, at least half of the respondents will be real/truthful. Thoughtful ads that relate a quick impression of how long you've been swinging, who you are and what you are looking for, why you are looking for it especially with a link or mention of a paysite profile; will have equally truthful respondents. 2. Posting a picture does not tremendously help your cause if your ad is truthful and well thought out. Pictures are quick ways out of putting work into your ad. 3. A mention of 'No Single Males' in your ad will not deter single males. This requires patience over a quick tongue. 4. A 'pic collector' is someone whose goal it is to collect as many pictures as possible of yourself and your partner. Ask yourself, have the pictures you've sent given the other couple a reasonable expectation of your looks and physique? If so, feel free to voice your questions about their intentions. 5. Craigslist is the only resource for letting the area know you'll be at a bar, club, or restaurant and are looking for another couple or single person. Simply posting that you will be at X tonight and are looking for another couple can have very positive results. We've been using Craigslist for 5 years (off and on). If you can navigate the internet, you should not have much trouble with Craigslist ads Real Examples Section This is what a picture collector's post looks like: This is what a post that is non-truthful ad looks like: Another! This is a truthful ad (Can you see why?): Another!

I have to applaud Mrs. Shreve for her post above. While I may not necessarily agree adding that line to a profile, I'm not in her shoes (and no doubt I'd look silly if I were), and it's easy to jump in and agree with everyone on a thread like this like I did. It's not as easy to come in with a different take. Thanks for a thoughtful post.

It wouldn't just bother us, that statement would be a definite, "no way are we gonna play with them". If you are not even willing to get to know people if there skin is not the same as yours, then we probably wouldn't have very much fun together anyway. People are people and skin color has nothing to do with anything. Better to play with cool, open-minded, people of a different race than us, than someone who looks like us but are just jerks. I understand attractions are different for different people, but to say "only the same race as us" excludes everybody who is different than you. You can't tell me that there is somebody out there who is not attracted to anybody from a different race. And even if it really is about attraction, then just politely say in a message back, no thanks (as Julie said). Putting it in your profile just smacks of things which would really creep us out. In general, I don't find African American women attractive, but we would never say such a thing in our profile. The reason I would never say this is despite the fact that I am mostly not attracted to African American women, if Rihanna showed interest in me I would be there in two seconds (and Mrs. cupl even quicker). I have seen other African American women who were so breath-taking that Mrs. cupl had to remind me not to stare. My point is you never know whom you might find attractive if you give them a chance. Putting that in your profile just limits you, and scares "hippies" like us away...lol.

I posted a story a few months back about a couple we inquired about on SLS and they shot back "no black males". I'd probably prefer they put it in their profiles so that we wouldn't waste anyone's time. And there are couples who do. I see it as preference. If it's more than that, that is their problem not mine. Nothing wrong with posting your preferences, likes and dislikes... that's the point of the profile isn't it? We've had other couples who tried to arrange parties and had to dump some planned guests because they wouldn't attend if we were coming (we are an interracial couple). And maybe we have been taken off guest lists for the same reason. Who knows. It just doesn't bother me if my skin color is your problem. It has never been a problem for me. Oh, and that couple who said no? We see them quite often as we travel in the same circles. Always say hi, always greet her with a hug and kiss, like I do all the ladies of the lifestyle. He's been hitting on Mrs.DontStop. Ain't happening.

Rub people the wrong way or not. I had it in our profile because I just haven't been attracted to black guys.....AND for some reason black guys seem to be attracted to me. Or they have had more balls to approach me than white. I don't know why but I have always gotten approached twice as often by black men. Sometimes you just want to avoid having to say it over and over. It never has had anything to do with racism, purely preference.