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Was the ad offensive or did it have an attitude that you two don't really feel shown in it? I guess I don't understand what could be put in an ad that would turn someone completely against you unless it showed potential risk (saying you wanted bareback play for example) or really poor taste (no real example here). Is there a reason you want to woo this couple so badly? Why not move on to someone new who isn't going to judge you so harshly for one poor choice? If you're really set on winning this people back, I would proceed cautiously. In this situation it would be easy for you to come off as clingy or overly attached.

There is a very big difference between being ALL IN and throwing a big ole blanket over a group and saying NO. We all have preferences and then, if we're flexible and reasonably open-minded, we have exceptions to those preferences. I'm not generally attracted to Asian men, fat men or women with flabby triceps, but I'm not going to put it in my profile - or carry it around in my brain as a weighing device - because I'm open to the exceptions. Where I'm not open is to people who go around with a lot of ironclad rules regarding anything, including sex partners, because rigidity isn't going to give me what I'm looking for. It's actually a choice to publicly characterize a strong preference like race as We Only Play in Our Own Race (or Looking for BBC ONLY) versus indicating a preference, a choice that gives a fairly particular look into the way people move in the world. I really do appreciate people who come out with their list of WE DON'T, because it's an efficient way to eliminate possibilities.

As for me I was not implying that someone has to be "all in for whatever". It probably wouldn't even bother us if someone just came out and said. "Sorry, no black males, because in general the Mrs. is not sexually attracted to them." But, to put "We only play in our own race" in your profile sounds very much different to us than saying there are certain people we are not attracted to. One says this is my preference, the other sounds more like dogma. The completely limiting nature of seeing, "We only play in our own race" in a profile would simply be a turn off for us as a couple. It would set off warning flags for us that there is possibly something going on there which we are not even remotely interested in. We would simply pass profiles which said such a thing on. The great thing about profiles is you can pretty much put whatever you want in them (within reason), but you also need to know that if you say certain things it is probably going to upset some folks and limit your responses. For us if we saw, "We only play in our own race", we would move on. The owners of that profile may very well not be "racist" and we might miss out on some cool people, but that is still probably what our response would be.

I don't have any problem with some one putting that in their profile. In fact I think they should put in their profile if that's how they feel! It isn't my responsibility to satisfy anybody else's preferences, likewise they have no such responsibility to me. If you can't f-me because i don't meet some preference you have I would much prefer knowing that before hand! We have wasted a couple of evenings and expensive dinners on people who didn't state what they preferred! For one couple it was my soul patch and my ex Morman status that was too much for her to handle.... Well it would have been nice to know that you can't screw someone who had those characteristics before we met for dinner. If you feel strongly enough about something that it is a deal breaker I think it should be in your profile. I am not going to take offense that you like this and don't like that! Seriously if you can't hop in the sack with me because of my weight, my height, my boob-size, penis length, skin color, facial/body hair, politics, religion, economic class, education, my spouse, my upbringing, etc., please let me know upfront so I don't waste my time meeting you. I appreciate those profiles that are clear about what they want and don't want. Swinging isn't a civil right, I'm not going to sue you for being discriminatory. in fact I think you have every right to be discriminatory. Although it isn't going to help you get laid, at least not by Mr and Mrs D&D.

The short answer is no, it's not odd. In a way, swinging offers people a chance to try things and people they wouldn't want at home and you never know what will work until you do try. Your friends are being close-minded and projecting their needs onto you, so you may safely ignore them as it has nothing to do with you. You're comfortable with your partner of choice, you have determined that patient, caring and understanding are qualities that are valuable for you, as is decency. It's not unusual for there to be wider age gaps amongst swing partners than is found out in the vanilla world. My youngest partner to date was nearly 40 years younger than my oldest, mostly because age isn't such a big deal for me. You and your wife will always be each other's first and nothing ever erases that.

Rub people the wrong way or not. I had it in our profile because I just haven't been attracted to black guys.....AND for some reason black guys seem to be attracted to me. Or they have had more balls to approach me than white. I don't know why but I have always gotten approached twice as often by black men. Sometimes you just want to avoid having to say it over and over. It never has had anything to do with racism, purely preference.