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Southernguy, first and foremost...if you can't bridge this conversation with her, it's going to be hard to swing. If you can't talk about things you want or think you want to do when you are not doing it then how are you going to talk about them after the fact especially if things don't go the way you two had thought they would. If one or both of you have issues, concerns, questions, etc. When you can talk openly and honestly without the fear of what each other will think then you are actually ready to take the first step in the lifestyle. Now, I'll stop the preaching and get on to a few suggestions. Somewhere, you have to be able to squeeze out a nice dinner where you can decompress and let your stresses of the day melt away. That's a good point to say, I've been thinking a lot about our bedroom fantasies and I'm interested in exploring them. If you want to do them, then don't be wishy washy because you will send her mixed signals about your conviction. You want her to be honest, not trying to figure out what your intentions are. Say, these things sound so hot and I would like to do them. If you get a positive response, invite her here. Let her explore on her own what other people have said and done before you. Let her read the good with the bad and you will have lots more to talk about. There are some things that should always be left as fantasy. Only you two talking about it can figure out what those things are and after that, the sky is the limit. Good luck!

We were great communicators before we started exploring swinging but it has increased and opened that communication even more for us. And I'm not talking about just communication about lifestyle related things. It has really spilled over into everything we do so that we are never worried about hurting each other's feelings. If either one of us is bothered by ANYTHING in our marriage that person brings it up and we talk about it, understanding that it's not about being "mad", it's about letting your loved one know how you are feeling. Openness and honesty. Like I said, we thought we had that before (and we did very well) but the lifestyle has just made everything better. Our love for each other, our trust, our communication, our honesty and DEFINITELY our sex!!! It's ALL been pretty mind blowing and we really have just scratched the surface.

I am nothing near a therapist so you can take this as an un-informered opinion. A story like yours comes occasionally to Swingersboard and I see the same thing each time. The person who describes the situation already knows the answer to the question. You are just wondering how to extract yourself from the situation. Can't help you with that. You must find you own way. ~Michael