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We humans are such funny creatures. We insist on putting labels on things in order to help understand them. And yet . . . "What's in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet" Old Billy was right. But by all means, please save me a seat in the Constitutional Convention . . . I'll bring my copy of Robert's Rules of Order. =)

I feel you just need to talk open and honestly about it OUTSIDE the bedroom with her. Tell her how much it excites you and that you would definitely like to pursue it IF she is comfortable doing so. We have found from talking to many couples in the lifestyle that sometimes the female is tentative, not just because she's worried for herself but she's worried about what YOUR reaction will truly be once it starts happening. Reassure her and make her understand what you feel about it. For me it was all about letting my wife know that the excitement about it comes from me seeing her have fun and us sharing the experience together. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

I knew very early in your post that it wasn't going to be good. When you said he had participated in the lifestyle when the sex life in his previous marriage was "boring" that was a HUGE red flag. Anyone who gets involved for that reason is doing it for the wrong reason. Swinging should never be to replace something you aren't getting. That doesn't mean you won't experience new things but those things are meant to be shared with each other and then perfected...WITH EACH OTHER!! Sounds like what some here have said, that he's addicted to sex and he's doing this for himself. You should NEVER allow him to do anything because you want to make him happy or don't want to lose him. From what you posted it seems that this person is only concerned about himself. My initial reaction to that for you is to RUN!! Get out!! So sorry you are dealing with this. Wishing you nothing but the best of luck in the future!!