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Alright as a single male weighing in on this, the union line would be "more power to you, go for it girl!". But, I am not going to go there. I am sorry but to me this is not a Lifestyle situation, hall pass or not. You said that "you already had this guy in mind when you PLANTED the idea in your husbands head". Let's turn this around, your husband meets a hot young thing at the local Hooters and she is either attracted to him or his wallet. She is young, hot, sexy, big boobs, tight butt, small waist and can suck start a Harley. Well your husband wants to hit that in the worst way and somehow talks you into a hall pass with some "hypothetical" woman. You agree and he then spends the next two weeks as a walking Viagra commercial. How would you feel? I am sorry to be this blunt but I think you are having an affair and not a shared lifestyle experience. I have never been a fan of the hall pass when it comes to the Lifestyle, simply because of this type of situation. I was friends with a local couple that was also in the Lifestyle. Well they did the hall pass arrangement and the wife ended up leaving her husband for her fling. Well a few months later the new guy left her for another girl. Remember anyone, male or female, that has no problems breaking up someones relationship will not be there for the long run.

We may be new to swinging, but I can tell you this much…Neither my husband nor I would be okay with this if it were happening to the other. 1. You already had the guy in mind, and flirted for a year 2. You planted the seed in hubby's head? 3. It sounds to me like you have already fallen for him. Where does that leave your hubby? 4. Hand-holding, cuddling? 8 of 11 days? This is exactly the thing I would fear when beginning to swing. Imagine how your husband would feel if he found out not just that the other guy makes you come 21 times, and you choose to be with him over your husband on any given night, but that you love the cuddling and hand-holding. What if the roles were reversed? Mrs.

Well, we (the collective "we") seem to always be telling newbies that swinging can either build upon a strong relationship foundation, or make the cracks widen. On that premise, swinging to prevent cheating would be faulty logic. After all, on this same premise, cheating is a symptom of a bigger problem. Mr. Sweet and I went through a rough patch some time ago, where I was tempted to cross the line. The realization of such was a hard stop for me. I knew that we needed to fix what was wrong with us before taking a step further in the lifestyle. We did, and it's all good. But it just furthers my point that even secondarily, swinging to prevent cheating isn't really a good reason.

A lie of omission is still a lie and there are a lot of omissions here. You incrementally worked your way to your goal for several months. You did so quietly and effectively and you no doubt got off on the whole process. And, while your husband may always be honest and open with you, you have worked on the edge of deception. Usually, in people, the guilt begins to accumulate and they relieve it with some big 'reveal' as you are planning to do. You're not wanting to tell him the sex is so great because of being honest, you're wanting to tell him because you've been dishonest. That's a big difference, with completely different outcomes. If you were smart, so far we only know that you're clever, you should end the affair with the person from the gym. -- Susan

I'm not even going to vote on this one, and let me tell you why. The question is irrelevant. The issue at hand here is the fact that you manipulated your husband into granting you a hall pass for someone with whom you'd been flirting for a year. Now that you've gotten the hall pass, you've been spending most of your time with this dude. Multiple orgasms notwithstanding, you're also cuddling, holding hands, and "making love." You've made NO mention of reconnecting with your hubby, which is also worrisome. That this dude gave you 21 orgasms is NOT the issue. That you've not been sharing your experiences with your husband and being totally honest with him IS. And it's a big ole' issue that's gonna' bite you in the arse if you don't STOP right now. You need to take a breather from this dude before things get any more intense than they are. Spend time with your hubby and tell him HONESTLY what's been going on. (Though if my honey was gone with another woman that much, damn skippy I'd know something was up). If this sounds judgmental, it is. You asked for our opinions, and mine is based on what you've told us and my own personal experiences. YES, I've been granted hall passes, but they were for a specific person at a specific time. Each time, I reconnected verbally, physically, and emotionally with Mr. Sweet as soon as possible afterward. And my hubby was pleased to hear that I had a great time. Best of luck to you, though I expect you've a bit of a rough road ahead of you.

I'm sorry to take a different tack on this, but .... :redflag: :redflag: Please, take all of this as constructive criticism. I mean nothing derogatory to you. Having a hall pass is one thing. This is a full blown love affair. I see no reason to believe it's anything other than that. 8 of the last 11 days you've been with him? You might as well be living with him and not your husband, and asking for a hall pass to be with your husband! The sexual experiences you are having with this guy sound great. I'm very happy for my wife when she has such experiences too. But, everything my wife does in the lifestyle (and vice versa) are out in the open. We tell each other everything, nothing held back. If you are questioning whether or not you should tell your husband something like this, you are already cheating on him. Yes, even with a hall pass. It's cheating because you are intentionally holding back information that just about every husband in the lifestyle would want to know. You started out lying but not being honest with your husband about you having this guy in mind when you planted the idea. The lies have just continued. It isn't about whether or not you are having too much fun. There is no such thing. Every time my wife has sex with another man I want her to have the absolute best experience she can possibly have. After all, that's the point, isn't it? It IS about that your husband is not along for the ride. Now, if he's all happy about that, doesn't care to know, etc., then fine. But, it doesn't sound like that is the case. Rather, it sounds like you know you are doing something wrong and you're very worried about your husband finding out because it might go away. Your biggest worry seems to be losing your hall pass. I think you already know the answer to your questions. If you want to keep your husband and this guy too, I strongly suggest you STOP playing with this guy for a night at least and have a heart to heart talk with your husband. Be prepared to hear that he wants you to stop seeing this guy, and don't get angry with him if he asks for that.

Agree with this for sure as I have the same experiences. Also, remember that in addition to physical cheating, there is emotional cheating, which is probably the WORST!