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There I said it. I see there seems to be some forum angst over using this sort of language (or the term share my wife) in a few posts lately. This denotes ownership and I fully claim it. We are a married couple, we made promises to each other, and in those promises was the idea that our sexuality was now tied together. As long as it is tied together any sex she has outside of our relationship is truly allowed by me. I can revoke it at any time. If she chooses to ignore this and goes a head with it anyways she is in breach of those promises we made and it would be grounds for dissolving our relationship. You can say we are joined, bonded, intertwined or any other more romantic but less pejorative term but it doesn't change it, I OWN her ass and I decide who gets to touch it as long as she wishes to be with me. This does not mean I can force her to have relations with other people, but it does mean I have a say in who those other people are. If they make me uncomfortable in any way I can pull the plug and she will just have to live with it. As should be obvious but I think I'll need to state this goes BOTH ways. She ALLOWS me. If she pulls the plug on a couple, thats it, I don't get to have sex with that other woman ever again. If they make her uncomfortable in any way, well I'll just have to live with it. If I choose to ignore that, she has grounds to permanently terminate our relationship. We are NOT just people living together and raising kids together, who are free to go their own way without responsibility to each other. To be poetic we are now of one body, and WE must both decide how those bodies get used and if they get used. We must both agree or there is no more argument.

The idea that having two kids from two different fathers is an automatic run for the hills red flag makes me cranky. It, along with bringing up swinging, makes her unsuitable to be called a lady, etc., 'cause, you know, she's kinda slutty and unreliable. All this absent details like...been married twice, once at 19 and once at 35 and had a child with each husband, or any other safer, more middle class route to the same destination. Not saying those saying "run" are wrong, mind you, but I do mind the reflexive assumptions. (And, yes, my children have the same father, just in case you were wondering. ) There is a stigma about women being sexually unfettered and I get that, but I don't like it, especially in a forum for swingers. I'm with Alura in thinking openness is a really good foundation for a relationship and I think being unfiltered is healthier, generally, than being buttoned up. Also, I too like cowgirls...

If I had to guess, her current reaction is a combination of anger at the rules being broken, but equally importantly, a feeling that your sex life has become too lifestyle focused. As others have said, you need some good discussion with her and, where I you, I would own up to two things: first, you broke the rules in the heat of the moment and are profoundly sorry and secondly, you will work on the vibe you are giving off that you are obsessed with the lifestyle and sex. If you can work through that, my guess is a complete break is not necessary. I think that if your sex life had gotten so hot while you were swinging, your wife was probably pretty into it and turns on by it. Her statement that she is only doing it for you may be more a reaction to her fearing you like to too much. If you back off a bit you may both get to a place where it is a sexy complement to your intimacy and sex life, not a surrogate for it.

We're kinda stumped as to how you came to your conclusion about the possibility of rape in a swinging situation. This is an activity/lifestyle in which there are countless potential partners available for no-string-attached sex. Who would need to use force? Regardless, it's nice to see another Colorado couple infiltrate the Swingers Board. Welcome!

Run, Do not Walk, in the Opposite direction. Isn't there ample evidence this cowgirl lacks discretion af any calibar given two children by two men. You may become a Mule pulling the load for this gal, (I just can't call her a Lady).