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I really sympathize with your sitation. It seems there is an intractable sexual incompatibility in your relationship and, while i think that it is very accomodating of you to consider swinging as a waybof giving yournhusband what he feels he needs, i believe it is the wrong option in my view: 1. I believe swinging only works if each partner is enthused. It is not fair for you or someone you play with to subject them to a situation that will likely lead to misgivings and drama 2. As stated in other comments, the dishonesty on his part is a very big deal, but for me would not be a deal breaker. I can believe that a man with bisexual tendencies would have a hard time knowing how to handle this and would make some mistakes. I think it is totally fair to say to him "I understand your sexual desires, I understand you do not know how best to get them met right now, but if you ever go behind my back again, it's over". It seems you are willing to give this forgiveness but I would certainly make it conditional on future honesty. 3. The heart of the issue is, I believe, him having a sexual desire that you cannot, and should not feel compelled to, meet. I see no benefit of you being a part of his bisexuality - it doesn't turn you on and would likely lead to bad feelings. For you, I think it would be helpful to consider whether you would feel ok with him getting this sexual desire met elsewhere. Could you have so sort of agreement where he promised to be safe, non emotionally attached and, if yes, once every month or so, he could go out, hook up with a man and mess around. Again, this is certainly not swinging, but more a "hall pass" with strict rules.

The persistence of a particular desire can take over your life, to the point where judgment is suspended and the potential consequences of your actions are a dim spot in your brain. I also am a look at the deeds and let the words wash sort of person and I'm seeing desperation on his part and non-acceptance on yours. Unlike Lionheart72, I don't think you're the victim here, or at least not the only one. What if you had said, "Meh, the idea of another man touching me is squicky, but I see that you really, really want to do this. Would it work for you if I just watched?" Your outcome might have been very different and you wouldn't each have violated trust. I can't get quote to work for me this morning, but in order, here are my answers to your question: Forget swinging. It's a crap answer and has huge potential to cause more problems than you already have. Yes, I have. At the start of our relationship, my lovely man told me, with great trepidation, that he wanted to try sex with another man and have me there. But he didn't think he could stand having anyone else touch me. There are any number of men on CL and elsewhere who want just that, so not a problem. You don't actually enforce rules and boundaries. Enforcement is a parent to child thing. If you don't want secrets, don't force desires into hiding. My answer might be different if he had a habit of secrecy, but I'm hearing that it's just this issue. You rebuild trust by looking at the complete picture, acknowledging your role, including how your fears are in your way and in his, being compassionate in your anger and talking, talking, talking. Swing clubs are not generally friendly to M/M contact. There are exceptions and there may be a club in your area for which that's not true, but you'd be better off getting a profile on SLS and finding potentials there. I don't think it's a crazy idea at all, btw, although it is a little unconventional. However, first you need to do a lot of work as a couple, including really talking about your fears of his leaving you to embrace gayness.

Last time I told someone what I think about their story it made people mad, I'm thinking the same thing again though. So I have to ask, you have known her 7 months, she says he likes to ride "big guys" and you are too small. She says she wants to go to a swing club "just to see" (or whatever). You take home THREE guys who are all hung. She fucks their brains out, blows them (which she doesn't like to do to you) and from what it seems did so bareback. Then you ask us what WE think? What do you think we will say?