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Thanks for that. Often times I feel like a heel for being honest when the honest answer isn't the one everyone wants to hear. I get a lot of feedback about being genuinely happy that SHE is having a good time. Well...I'm happy SHE is having a good time AND sometimes I'm also NOT HAPPY about the situation. Is what it is. Sometimes I'm happy for her AND it turns me on - SO it I can find something there for me too. Women definitely can cover it up better. I say often that all women need in the lifestyle is a bottle of lube and a smile. It's all about the girls and there is no physical obstacle women need to overcome just to have sex (boner)...PLUS there is no shortage of guys willing to offer up a hard cock and a smile. FOR ME, the LS has presented a lot of challenges, physical and emotional. The reward still outweighs the effort...MOST days. Now let's be brutally honest about all the selfless nobility. It's very easy to be happy for someone else when YOU are having fun too. My wife has said many times, "well, how about being happy that I'm having a good time?" That's well and good if we're both having fun doing it. But let me tell you...there have been many occasions where watching me have a good time was not enough for her either. So whenever someone says they genuinely enjoy watching their partner have a good time I call bullshit. There's nothing selfless or noble about it. Its only enjoyable if we are getting something out of it too. THAT is a fact of human nature.

I'm not sure if I want advice or just to get my thoughts into words, but it is what it is........ A couple of months ago a coworker and I started some pretty heavy flirting. I'm always a flirt, but this went just a bit farther than the typical so she and I had a discussion. Turns out that she and her husband are swingers and had recently decided to extend that to an open relationship. I'm pretty open minded, but not a swinger, so I thought what the hell and she and I had a couple of full-on physical encounters. At some point I explained to her that I not only found her physically attractive, but that she had a huge number of additional qualities that made her quite beautiful and I proceeded to list a few. I fancy myself pretty good at reading body language and she was practically ready to jump out of her skin while she listened to me talk. Later on I asked her about that and she said she was not used to hearing such wonderful things said about her and that if I wanted to continue I couldn't repeat them again and had to keep it strictly about how physically attractive she was. I confusedly agreed at that point. After thinking about it though I changed my mind. She and I were supposed to be friends as well. If I couldn't tell her all the qualities I find attractive in her and have to constantly remind myself not to compliment her, what kind of a friendship is that? I confronted her with this and at that point the relationship was pretty much over. During that confrontation she FINALLY told me what she wanted. It was to quit swinging. She didn't like it and never wanted to do it in the first place. I asked her why then was she going out to any and all local events and setting up play times with other couples as often as possible. Short answer, her husband said he would leave her if she refused to swing. This made me physically ill. Her husband is essentially using her to get laid. Quite likely because the fu*ktard couldn't get laid on his own if he had a 12" dick and a billion dollars. Has anybody else ever run into this? How did you handle it? I should run away as fast as I can and never look back. But I do care about her as a friend, if nothing else. This woman is very intelligent, but she got involved with this guy when she was very young and just out of a sh*t childhood basically. I think she sees this guy (I refuse to call him a man) with the same eyes of that teenage girl she was when she met him, instead of through the eyes of the woman she is now. It also makes me feel ill that the sex she and I had she may have felt coerced into having because of her husband. I can't communicate just how sick it makes me feel to think that a woman had sex with me because she was coerced into it by her husband. Ugghhh! Anwyay, again, not sure what I expect in posting this, but it does make me feel better to get it out there. I appreciate the time anyone takes to read this.... G.

I have been wanting to respond to this question for awhile but I wanted to write a long exposition so I always put it off. So, please excuse me if my response is longer than desired. The answer to the question is a most resounding, "Yes!" I love my parents but they are very closed-minded and judgmental. It was always expected of me to stay within the lines, follow their rules, and be the "good daughter." Of course, I felt the pressure to be the best child possible because I was their only "normal" child. I knew they wanted the best for me and I didn't want to let them down so I wanted to make them happy knowing that I was the child they always dreamed of. From this upbringing stemmed my narrow thinking about how things should be. Nudity, kissing someone other than the opposite sex, sex before marriage, having lustful thoughts about others, etc...all no-no's. It wasn't until I met Mr. Sunbuckus and took my first philosophy class in college that I realized how small my view of the world was. Arguing the existence of God? That in itself blew my mind in class. Comparing how differently Mr. Sunbuckus' parents and my own parents were in accepting others around them...it was odd at first but refreshing, enlightening, and loving once I spent more time with them and Mr. Sunbuckus. My father has droves of porn tapes at their house (and yes, I did sneak a few times to watch some when I was younger). My mother always complained about this activity and I surmised that men shouldn't look at porn. For 12 years, it has been a pressure point between Mr. Sunbuckus and I because of how my mother felt. There were even a few times that I almost broke up with him during our younger years because of his "stash". I have to admit, even now after we have had our swinging experiences, for some reason, porn still is a sore point with me if he sneaks a peek when I'm not around. Either my brain hasn't realized how absurd it is or it just doesn't understand why Mr. Sunbuckus would still need to since playing with other swing partners is better than the fake stuff that porn puts out. Mr. Sunbuckus and I have had our unfaithful (cheating) moments in our relationship. It wasn't fun working through those times but we did. It was during that time that I started to question how likely it is for humans to truly be monogamous. I wanted to blog about my feelings several times but I knew it would bring hail and brimstone upon myself since family and relatives read my blog so I left the topic unexplored within myself. Starting from when I was in elementary school, I always had a healthy "imagination." I would literally fantasize about how it would be to talk or hold hands with a boy that I had liked at school. As I got older, it developed into more complex situations...usually sexual. In high school, I had thoughts about multiple boys having their way with me, restraining me, or someone in authority seducing me. And yes, I would sometimes fantasize about my own teachers even! But I never shared those thoughts with Mr. Sunbuckus. I kept them hidden and read erotic stories about gangbangs or boss/employee situations. I had a recurring fantasy that I would use at night to put myself to sleep if I had a hard time getting some zzzzz's. I decided to write it down and to share it with an online friend for critiquing. It blew his gasket and wanted more. With the sexual talk, it turned into wanting to play with me. I knew where that would head to and stopped. But thinking of a threesome was enticing, especially since I hadn't known anyone else to express their desire to play with me other than the time I cheated on Mr. Sunbuckus. (I had always/still have doubts about my self appearance so I always assume that no one would find me desirable.) One night, I brought up the threesome idea to Mr. Sunbuckus...reluctantly. I wasn't sure what he thought about it and I was afraid of how he would react. He seemed surprised but not upset. We started to do double penetration with himself and a toy and asked me if I was interested in doing a DP with another man as well. From there, we checked out a swingers club a few times before heading to a house party to try a full swap. The first time at the club, I found it very refreshing to see women of all shapes and sizes--lumps, bumps, cellulite, stretch marks, you name it. At our first house party, I loved how everyone was friendly and open. Greeting friends with kisses and hugs (or more), the ability to talk about sex so openly with anyone and everyone, the entire social aspect...I loved it and I wanted to be a part of such a loving community. So...has it changed my thinking? Yes! I find myself more open, less judgmental, less critical of others. I still have my moments but as a whole, I am a lot more accepting of others as they are. The whole marriage/relationship issue is a 180 degrees for me since my high school years. I also used to be a very jealous person...mostly because I was insecure about myself and my relationship with Mr. Sunbuckus. I always felt that he had settled and I could lose him to any pretty face that would give him attention. Knowing that we come home to each other after every swing experience has helped to banish that fear. Has it changed my relationship? Yes! We communicate more often and openly. We're more experimental about everything (we still have our limits, of course). And we're definitely closer than we were before swinging. And as stated before, I am more secure in our relationship. Has it changed my life? Well, yes! Going out to meet people to have sex with them? How different is that?? But for me, it's more than just the sex. I have loved meeting so many different people in such a short amount of time and having a level of openness and friendliness that is hard to have with any other group of people. I have loved going out, getting dressed up, and chatting and flirting. But most of all, I enjoy all of those things with Mr. Sunbuckus by my side because not only are we sharing the experience but I know that it is all fun and in the end--I still have everything I really want in life: husband, family, and home.

I'm pretty sure this is just OP's fantasy, and he's typed it out in the form of a question. There's a "story" section here OP, and everyone would be happy to hear your fantasies. Nobody goes about things like this.

Last time I told someone what I think about their story it made people mad, I'm thinking the same thing again though. So I have to ask, you have known her 7 months, she says he likes to ride "big guys" and you are too small. She says she wants to go to a swing club "just to see" (or whatever). You take home THREE guys who are all hung. She fucks their brains out, blows them (which she doesn't like to do to you) and from what it seems did so bareback. Then you ask us what WE think? What do you think we will say?