Leaderboard

I'm in agreement with several of the last few posts. One thing that was kind of touched on but not really said this bluntly is that there are always two sides to a story and the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle. When we tell people stories, we naturally tell the side of the tale that puts us in the best light because we want them to side with us. Her mood probably changes with the wind. The first time she told you to stop is probably because she wigged out thinking you were developing feelings. The next time, she could have had a fight with her husband or even some jealousy that prompted her to be in a pissed off state wanting to stop swinging but you will never know for certain because you are only getting pieces, the ones she wants to share. Either way, I have never believed that friends, even best friends (which you are not) have any place to give marital advice. It's the fastest way to lose a friendship.

With an attitude like that I'm sure you'll have no problem convincing her

I have been wanting to respond to this question for awhile but I wanted to write a long exposition so I always put it off. So, please excuse me if my response is longer than desired. The answer to the question is a most resounding, "Yes!" I love my parents but they are very closed-minded and judgmental. It was always expected of me to stay within the lines, follow their rules, and be the "good daughter." Of course, I felt the pressure to be the best child possible because I was their only "normal" child. I knew they wanted the best for me and I didn't want to let them down so I wanted to make them happy knowing that I was the child they always dreamed of. From this upbringing stemmed my narrow thinking about how things should be. Nudity, kissing someone other than the opposite sex, sex before marriage, having lustful thoughts about others, etc...all no-no's. It wasn't until I met Mr. Sunbuckus and took my first philosophy class in college that I realized how small my view of the world was. Arguing the existence of God? That in itself blew my mind in class. Comparing how differently Mr. Sunbuckus' parents and my own parents were in accepting others around them...it was odd at first but refreshing, enlightening, and loving once I spent more time with them and Mr. Sunbuckus. My father has droves of porn tapes at their house (and yes, I did sneak a few times to watch some when I was younger). My mother always complained about this activity and I surmised that men shouldn't look at porn. For 12 years, it has been a pressure point between Mr. Sunbuckus and I because of how my mother felt. There were even a few times that I almost broke up with him during our younger years because of his "stash". I have to admit, even now after we have had our swinging experiences, for some reason, porn still is a sore point with me if he sneaks a peek when I'm not around. Either my brain hasn't realized how absurd it is or it just doesn't understand why Mr. Sunbuckus would still need to since playing with other swing partners is better than the fake stuff that porn puts out. Mr. Sunbuckus and I have had our unfaithful (cheating) moments in our relationship. It wasn't fun working through those times but we did. It was during that time that I started to question how likely it is for humans to truly be monogamous. I wanted to blog about my feelings several times but I knew it would bring hail and brimstone upon myself since family and relatives read my blog so I left the topic unexplored within myself. Starting from when I was in elementary school, I always had a healthy "imagination." I would literally fantasize about how it would be to talk or hold hands with a boy that I had liked at school. As I got older, it developed into more complex situations...usually sexual. In high school, I had thoughts about multiple boys having their way with me, restraining me, or someone in authority seducing me. And yes, I would sometimes fantasize about my own teachers even! But I never shared those thoughts with Mr. Sunbuckus. I kept them hidden and read erotic stories about gangbangs or boss/employee situations. I had a recurring fantasy that I would use at night to put myself to sleep if I had a hard time getting some zzzzz's. I decided to write it down and to share it with an online friend for critiquing. It blew his gasket and wanted more. With the sexual talk, it turned into wanting to play with me. I knew where that would head to and stopped. But thinking of a threesome was enticing, especially since I hadn't known anyone else to express their desire to play with me other than the time I cheated on Mr. Sunbuckus. (I had always/still have doubts about my self appearance so I always assume that no one would find me desirable.) One night, I brought up the threesome idea to Mr. Sunbuckus...reluctantly. I wasn't sure what he thought about it and I was afraid of how he would react. He seemed surprised but not upset. We started to do double penetration with himself and a toy and asked me if I was interested in doing a DP with another man as well. From there, we checked out a swingers club a few times before heading to a house party to try a full swap. The first time at the club, I found it very refreshing to see women of all shapes and sizes--lumps, bumps, cellulite, stretch marks, you name it. At our first house party, I loved how everyone was friendly and open. Greeting friends with kisses and hugs (or more), the ability to talk about sex so openly with anyone and everyone, the entire social aspect...I loved it and I wanted to be a part of such a loving community. So...has it changed my thinking? Yes! I find myself more open, less judgmental, less critical of others. I still have my moments but as a whole, I am a lot more accepting of others as they are. The whole marriage/relationship issue is a 180 degrees for me since my high school years. I also used to be a very jealous person...mostly because I was insecure about myself and my relationship with Mr. Sunbuckus. I always felt that he had settled and I could lose him to any pretty face that would give him attention. Knowing that we come home to each other after every swing experience has helped to banish that fear. Has it changed my relationship? Yes! We communicate more often and openly. We're more experimental about everything (we still have our limits, of course). And we're definitely closer than we were before swinging. And as stated before, I am more secure in our relationship. Has it changed my life? Well, yes! Going out to meet people to have sex with them? How different is that?? But for me, it's more than just the sex. I have loved meeting so many different people in such a short amount of time and having a level of openness and friendliness that is hard to have with any other group of people. I have loved going out, getting dressed up, and chatting and flirting. But most of all, I enjoy all of those things with Mr. Sunbuckus by my side because not only are we sharing the experience but I know that it is all fun and in the end--I still have everything I really want in life: husband, family, and home.

Thank you to everyone for being so cool. I love this board. Even if we never bring anyone else into the relationship, I like the idea of honesty and communication and I can't see how that could be bad. We had great sex tonight, and after the first romp, she started asking about my fantasies. I'm more interested in hers, especially because she is so reluctant to tell me, but I can't think of anything other than seeing her overcome with hands, lips and dicks now. She took it better. I can't imagine there will be a problem tomorrow, like the shock she got a couple of weeks ago. After we got off to that, we laid about and talked and I asked about her fantasies. At this point, the sexual energy for both of us was gone. She said she was "less threatened" by the idea of her with a girl than a guy, and that she'd thought of it before, but she was afraid to tell me about it because I'd want to make it real. Mind you, this was my main fantasy for 11 years. We've talked about this. I think that I've failed to create an open space in my life for my wife to get off and share it with me. I'm working on it, though. I know this.....we aren't ready for swinging. I'm embarassed to say that after 11 years, my wife doesn't feel free to share her kink with me.