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You are a classic example of why swingers don't play with coworkers and shouldn't get involved with people that are not in the lifestyle. You don't get it and nothing I could probably say would change that. Yes, there is everything in the world wrong with telling a married woman you have feelings for her. Take the fact that the two of you had sex out of the equation and just look at your own actions. It is absolutely wrong. Again, you are taking her word 100% at face value but you are not thinking objectively. Think about this for a moment, she flirted with you, slept with you and then AFTER you tell her you have feelings for her, she tells you she doesn't enjoy doing it and she does it because her husband makes her. Add in the fact that you work together. I have to call bullshit. That does bring me to another question...how are you coworkers...is she above you, are you above her...what is your work relationship because that again is another reason for not telling you the truth. Do you really believe that? Come on! The fact that she has to work with you every single day. The fact that she needs to make sure that you don't disrupt things at work so she has to quit and find another job. She needs you to be sympathetic so that there isn't possible drama at work...she every reason to lie to you and none of them have to do with anything other than self preservation. You seem like a very nice guy, you really do but I really feel you are being very naive in this situation. You want to believe her but I'll go back to what I said. The facts just don't add up to a woman who is being forced to do something she doesn't want to do. Flirting with you and then taking it to sleeping with you at work shows no coercion. It shows to me that she was acting on her own free will and you have complicated the hell out of it by developing feelings for her.

I like the honesty of your post. I think Mr. Sunbuckus feels exactly the same way that you do. He's happy that I am having fun sometimes but when it gets to the point that I'm having more fun than he, then it gets upsetting and I can understand that. I think one of the reasons this may be the case for a lot of males is because males enjoy sex just as much as women. They want their piece of pie. If it were some other activity, maybe shopping, getting their nails done, or rock climbing and the husband has zero interest in it, they don't mind telling the wife to go have a fun time. They know that they wouldn't have any fun doing those activities so they are more than happy to let the wife go and do it by themselves or with like-minded friends. Meanwhile, when the wife is out, the husbands are out doing something they find fun; watching tv, doing some kind of sport, playing computer/console games. Thus, with swinging, men can feel jealous/upset that the wife is getting more action than they are because they want to have that kind of fun as well.

sorry to be blunt but i think you two where finished a long time ago