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Everyone above has given you great advice about what to do and what you may come across during your search. I wanted to wish you good luck on your search, because the more you limits you put on yourselves, the harder it will be. I'm not saying those limits are right or wrong, I'm just stating that the more restrictions you put on your list, the harder it will be to get that right woman to be part of your play. Just like house hunting, if you require 3000 sq ft., a negative edge pool, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, an elevator, a bath suite for each bedroom, home movie theater, has to be by the beach with no neighbors in the back, $300k budget, etc. etc. etc. then the search will be long and you might have to be more flexible about your list items if you want your fantasy to become more than just that. But most important, you two need to talk about every step of the way--who, what, where, when, why of everything. Make sure you both are honest and listening to each other. Continue to read articles and threads on swinging and see if this is for the two of you.

You are guessing and assuming. Ask him. Send him an email that says "Are you OK?, I haven't heard from you. I miss seeing you". Remember only 10% of things are as they seem, the other 90% is a mere guess without the facts.

I don't agree with most of the posters here. I don't see the CL ad as being that big a deal. People indulge fantasies all the time without their spouse knowing. They surf porn sites, look at pictures, watch videos even come to forums like this and post. Is that cheating? Is it taking a step to fulfil a fantasy or just the indulgence. I can tell you from personal experience that most of the people on adult friend finder, S/L and C/L are posers. They have a fantasy and it gives them a thrill to come close to the line but never cross it. They'll email but cancel or meet but never step forward. They'll run ads and never respond or just keep them dangling. It's like playing chicken. How close can I come without breaking the rules. Frankly I think you're making too much of it. It just doesn't go to the level of cheating or loss of trust. Certainly the fact that he clearly states he would want to involve you if he gets to do it doesn't scream cheating to me. JMO

Weapons - not for us and we've never considered it. We've never had a bad experience as far as someone going too far, but then I am a fairly willing participant:) Just be safe - use the same techniques you might use when dating and single. Meet in public first, hotels for first time encounters with someone new - that sort of thing. Most people in the lifestyle are very respectful and very laid back...but you should be mindful of of your limits and safety all the same. Relax and have fun with it AND