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I am about to break my own policy and do something I will likely regret. I have not read each post in this thread completely so I would usually refrain from replying as to not reply out of context. But this post prompted me to veer from my regular policy. When someone comes here and solicits advice, they generally receive it. It may not be what they want to hear, but they get it anyway. The advice is free, and you are free to take it or leave it. Even thought the advice is free, there is a great deal of experience here and the advice, on whole, is usually very sound. Yes, what we do is outside the societal norm. We travel in tight circles of those with similar beliefs. Within those circles we are honest with each other and respect others feelings. Particularly when it comes to our significant other. There is absolutely nothing hypocritical of people on this site giving warning to someone seeking out advice, particularly when it appears that persons SO is in disregard of their feelings and wishes. To state otherwise clearly shows you do not understand some of the base tenets of swinging. If you carry on with your infatuation against your SO's feelings and wishes, then you will be cheating on her. Ironically that will make your actions far more main stream than those of swinging. So where is the hypocrisy? IS it with swingers who practice honesty, openness and respect with our SO and suggest your SO expect the same from you. Or would it be with a society that looks at a consensual non-monogamous relationship as wrong while turning a blind eye to cheating that destroys relationships and lives? Maybe we are using different versions of hypocrisy. Better? I am not sure I like that turn of phrase here. However, respecting our SO's wishes is certainly something we hold in higher regard than it appears you seem to hold. Oh, and by the way. Participating in the lifestyle was my wife's idea. Lucky me. Not really. Most all of us here discuss every aspect of our lives and desires, not just those related to swinging, with our SO's. Including separate room play and "fucking" others. In that regard you have not done anything greater for your spouse than anyone else here. However, if you move forward in this endeavor without her consent and blessing then you will have fallen far short of the standards we have set for ourselves as swingers. Perhaps you are lashing out at this board because you know what your SO has been told is accurate and it paints a negative picture of you.