Leaderboard

We both have hall passes and we both use them regularly. When we started, a whole year ago we frankly didn't know enough about what would be a good rule or not so we basically just dove in head first and then started to make up rules as we figured out what we liked and what we didn't like. (I cant say I recommend this method for starting out.) Mrs D had a hall pass very early on during a week I was a away on business.... the result was my being very insecure about the whole thing. So we made up a rule about no hall passes. I wrote a post or two about my feelings on hall passes; sometimes I go back and read those posts and get a smile on my face about my current feelings vs what I was feeling six months ago. I think, looking back, that I was in the same boat as the OP... although I wasn't really very honest with what I was feeling, which basically amounted to my being jealous. I'm not dismissing what I felt, the whole situation made me very uncomfortable. Jealousy is very real and it isn't necessarily juvenile. Facing it requires that one finds out what the cause is which isn't very easy as our egos tend to misidentify what it is we are really feeling jealous about. It was difficult to put my finger on what it was that I didn't like, but in the end what I was jealous of was the amount of attention she was getting vs I. It wasn't so much that she had more opportunity it was more that those who expressed a desire for her seemed to be more interested in her than were the women who expressed an interest in me. Maybe a better way of putting it is that her opportunities seemed more sincere in their interest than mine were. It got to the point where I wasn't all that interested in swinging at all and my anti-hall pass radar was lit up like a Christmas tree. What changed my outlook was three really good swing experiences where the women were completely into me... overnight it seemed my whole attitude changed. It wasn't that I had an opportunity to use a hall pass with any of these three women, it was that suddenly I was feeling like I was playing a part in the lifestyle. It also became very clear to me that I had been misreading the other men's interest in Mrs D! It was as if I couldn't understand the nature of the chemistry between my wife and the other men until I had experienced similar chemistry. As Mrs D and I talked about it we decided it was time to try giving her a hall pass again to use with a single guy we had met at a party. The result was incredible! It didn't bother me at all and it turned out that her being chased was kind of a turn on for me! Another time she was able to play with a man whose wife I absolutely have no interest in. (she is very good looking, but just no sparks between us ) Problem of 4-way chemistry solved! Over the last couple of months I have had the opportunity to use a hall pass with a close FWB. The whole experience has been very positive. I don't want to sound like I am saying to everybody to go use a hall pass. I can certainly understand and identify with those who choose not to use them. Neither my wife or I like to talk much about what happened during the hall pass. It isn't that we are jealous its that seeing someone separately is very personal. We both have found that its a kind of alone time that is nice to keep for ourselves. Compare that to when we swing as a couple and we like to go over the whole evening in detail saying what we each liked and disliked and what we learned from our partners. There is a very different feeling to swinging together versus separately. Also we both have veto rights over who we each can see. That is, we both like to know the other party. Having a Hall Pass isn't the equivalent of it being a free for all. Obviously there are some safety concerns as well that I have to be comfortable with.