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BeStylnIT, I think there are two things at play in your entire thread. One, you don't see swinging or non-monogamy as being an essential part of who you are. For you, it's more of a hobby than a lifestyle. Some people on the forum view it as a way of being that is who they are. If they have to hide that or never swing again, then it would be painful to them. Neither is wrong but that might be why posters are saying it's important to figure out how important monogamy (or not) is during the dating phase. If non-monogamy is important to both, then it's a good fit. If one needs to be monogamous and the other finds non-monogamy to be part of who they are, then it's not a good match. Seeing as you're single...have you done any swinging as a couple--like seeing your girlfriend with another man? If not, I am wondering this is the reason why I am getting a sense of distaste from your responses in considering a swinging single female as a future life partner. You haven't yet had that experience of sharing someone you care about with someone else and having enjoyment from her sexual enjoyment. May I be direct and ask you about your own personal opinion about swinging couples and why you think they swing?

More to just think on... Sex isn't about being able to satisfy someone but partners sharing a satisfying experience. How you both feel about it and look at it can make a difference. Your wife has a list of things she will not do. Its normal to have preferences and turn offs but hers seem very rigid. What does she think she can bring to an experience so that it is a positive one. And that's the important thing, good and positive experiences. That holds true for spo see being together too.

This. It seems to me that her issues are with sex itself, and those need to be worked through first. That may sound contradictory to my agreement with the previous post, linking it more to the person than the act itself, but if the issues are there with someone she loves and trust, they are likely muted to some degree by that very fact. They are only going to get worse with someone new, and that will add another layer to the problem making it even more difficult to unravel.

Consider the poor position you would be in and how you would feel if she encountered a man with whom she was completely successful having sex but continued to have trouble with you. You and your wife should resolve your problem before entertaining the idea of "sex with others". You've received some good advice, I believe, from the members of Swingersboard. I'm pleased to have you here as a new member.

My gut reaction is that there is something else going on here. I don't know what but there is and the two of you need to really be open, honest, and communicate to get down to whatever it is. And maybe it has nothing to do with sex. However, from your post, it sounds like sex can't really be enjoyable for her, just as much it isn't for you. If sex isn't enjoyable for her, why would she want to engage in it with other men? Usually, if someone loves something, they want more of it. If someone doesn't like it, then they either avoid it or try to have it be as unpleasant as possible...which is how it sounds. When she locks up so she doesn't wet the sheets, is that because of embarrassment or because it hurts? Why did she want to wait to have sex when she was younger but now wants to swap? Did she previously hold beliefs that she now longer holds, which aren't holding her back now? Perhaps the both of you can come to the forums together, research, ask questions, and help you both communicate and understand the root of what may be the problem. Also, tell her your concerns and maybe she'll open up with her own.

The short answer is no. I'm not a sex therapist, neither is my partner, and your wife doesn't sound like she'd be much fun in bed. The longer answer is also no. Swinging, to be successful, relies on couples who communicate openly and honestly, have an already great sex life and have a base of trust and love. The absence of those things pretty much guarantees a certain amount of drama, something I wish to avoid at all costs. Does your wife know your sex life is unsatisfying for you and that you believe it's because of her limitations? Are you willing to allow your wife to have sex with at least one other person? Are you both willing to visit a swing club and play only with each other? Is she willing to take teeny tiny baby steps while you decide what you're comfortable with?