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Perhaps it is because of my unique experience of being cheated on as well as doing the cheating but there was a vibe that I was picking up throughout this thread and it has been making me feel uneasy. I know cheating is terrible. But to vilify every cheating person rubs me the wrong way. Sure, there are people out there that cheat without any thought of the consequences or the people involved in their lives. But believe it or not, they are still human beings. I honestly believe that the majority of cheating people don't go out and say, "You know, I think I'm going to go out and cheat." Life hands people situations that might be manageable for you but it could be devastating to someone else and can result in differing outcomes. On the forum, we've become accustomed to holding open communication between a couple to be the norm but it isn't for the entire world. Personally, I hate talking emotionally to someone face to face. If I'm angry or sad, my throat constricts, my chest tightens...I choke up. It is a lot easier for me to organize my thoughts through writing (which I probably why I write long rambling posts on the forum.) There are specific topics that individuals have a hard time talking about, even to their significant others--maybe even more so because you open up this hidden section of yourself and you fear that possibility that you might be rejected, misunderstood, or not understood at all. (And perhaps that's why the topic of swinging is hard for couples to breach.) For me, it was heartbreaking to know that the one person I thought would mourn and understand our loss through miscarriage didn't understand at all. It makes someone almost shut down a part of themselves to others because they feel like it is something that they have to do alone. My point is that we don't know the situation that couples are in where there is an infidelity. It's easy to sit from afar and say, "Bad, bad, bad! I would never do that!" Believe me, I did that. And it's easy to judge a person's worth and and mettle based on how we would behave. People make mistakes. Perhaps they learn from it and perhaps they have to keep making that mistake until it really hits hard to learn from it. Working through an infidelity is painful and excruciating. Forgiveness doesn't come quickly. Learning to trust again can sometimes feel unfathomable. But maybe working through a situation that results in a complete shattering of trust, agonizing to live through, and seems unforgivable...perhaps that is the ultimate test of the strength of a relationship. If love can be turned off by the switch of infidelity, what does that say about the power of love or the relationship? When I found out that Mr. Sun had been cheating on me for 3 years without me having any idea, I hated him. I truly did. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to see his belongings. I didn't want to be anywhere near him. But you know what? I also still loved him. It was the oddest feeling I had ever felt. Here was one person that I hated very much but I also loved him very much. The years after were not always fun. Trust was rebuilt extremely slowly. And even though I forgave him early on, it's not something I've forgotten. And yes, cheating is a selfish act. But what person on earth isn't selfish in some way? Some are more selfish than others. Others barely have any at all but it's still there (like taking that very last morsel of chocolate truffle cake.) We all want to be desired, be attractive to others, understood, and loved. We need food, clothing, and shelter to survive. But we want a variety of other things in life to make us comfortable and happy. Some of us just go about getting them in the wrong way that can be hurtful to others without thinking.