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Hi, folks. I'm a married guy, ENM (Ethically Non Monogamous), who doesn't meet the definition of a "swinger" because my wife doesn't want to engage in couple-based activities. I have read people's excellent responses here. Tigerman, I won't pretend to know anything significant about your situation. But I do want to echo the responses of Chicup & Funcoupledayton. If you go for a male who is a member of a couple, do indeed verify that his partner is good with it. Not merely "good" with it, not merely "fine" or "OK" or "whatever," but *good* with it. *On board* with it. *Behind* it. Not just "OK" but "supporting" and wholly *agreeing*. Don't take his word for it. Take hers, preferably face to face. Both you and your wife. Check her body language as well as her verbal language. Your wife will probably be able to "read" her better than you can. This is how my wife and I practice ENM -- this is how we verify another person, and how we make sure they verify us -- and this is how I recommend that you do it. Best wishes, RunSilent RunDeep

This was like reading The Silmarilian when expecting Lord of the Rings....

Excellent post. I think you and your wife need to determine what kind of atmosphere YOU want to create for yourselves? What turns you on? What relaxes you? You know what you don't want, right? Now focus on what you DO want. We believe in creating a SENSUAL atmosphere, as opposed to an overtly sexual one; an atmosphere that is secure, calm and relaxed, that appeals to all the senses--sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. Then just let things happen... naturally. Conversely, to us, the idea of the "hard core club scene" is a total turn off on virtually every level.

Yeah, I do. One of my new favorite expressions is "brain on a stick," because it's so evocative of the problem, even among people who are physically active. You run and you stay in your head. You do yoga and you stay in your head. You dance and you stay in your head. We can do those same activities and do them very differently, letting thought flow in and out without any attention, instead focusing on how what you're wearing is sliding against your skin, how a micro-movement in your knees changes the angle of your pelvis, how certain parts of your body heat up, how the sun feels against your skin. We can't go around in public being overtly, assertively sexual (or at least that's what most of us were taught as toddlers), but some of us have taken that lesson too far and have trouble being a little sexual all the time, which is a juicy, sense-sensitive way to be in the world. I'm not sure where your key is, but I'm guessing you have one and it will just be a matter of time and intention before you're less repressed. I think you can do both. Really, it's not an either/or thing, because you want to move as if you're a sexual being and you also want to seek reinforcement of the rightness of choosing to be one. So, successfully sexing up a get-together, even just a tiny bit, is a little social permission for the direction you're heading, which I'm guessing would be helpful. What if you also slept naked, falling asleep being aware of how the sheets felt against you? That might be Tango 101, now that I think of it.

One piece of advice I can give is, don't be surprised if your rules/boundaries/fantasies/compromises etc change down the track. It can take quite some time before you realise what you really like, what is comfortable for you and what works for you as an individual and/or a couple. And almost everyone will understand that it can be a roller coaster of a ride with both its highs and lows. In this lifestyle, there is no one size fits all. So establish some ground rules and have fun! As for the rule you soon learn in time, that the ratio of men to women for example, is overwhelmingly in a woman's favour. Sorry guys, I know it seems like you have to really make yourselves stand out from the hoards of other males, but it's just the way it is. But here is wishing everyone, no matter their personal stats, gets the experiences they want and they are great ones! :-).

I just want to hit this point, not because it's a big deal but because I see it a lot and it's an interesting statement. In our experience, we have never met a swing partner who was better. We have met many who were different and who did different things that we enjoyed, but that didn't make them better. Just different. Often, we learn and incorporate other peoples "techniques" into our own personal play. So, I think the idea that someone else might be better than you sexually isn't something that you need to worry about.

In our clinic I saw the practitioner, not the physician. In our state a physician practitioner can prescribe. I knew her as I'd cut my leg pretty well a couple years ago, she stitched me up and we got along well. She told me after asking a bunch of questions that she thought I had performance anxiety, not real ED, and that viagra would help with that. No problem with giving me the prescription. She also knows my wife, so she was very sympathetic. There is a coupon online for three 100mg pills free with a prescription. Go to Vigra.com. I think there is one for cialis also. I find viagra lasts a lot longer than four hours, essentially for two days. Never had a problem with a long erection, as mine goes down when I come. I did have an experience where a lover teased/tortured me with intercourse continuously for an hour. She was into going very slowly, teasing, then fast for several thrusts, then slowly. She was on top most of the time. The orgasm that followed was extraordinary.

Ok so I started this forum and now want to give you an update. In my search for more fun with "happy" pills, I took a long shot chance on purchasing Cialis from a Canadian source. I went to Canadapharmacyonline.com and ordered 30 Cialis. Now a few things to understand, Cialis is a trade name and in other parts of the world the generic name is Tadalafil. So when I put my order in I understood that I would get my medication from out of the country sources. I felt taking a chance for the cost was worth the price. I ordered 30, 5mg tablets for $30.50. They called me to verify that I indeed had the right to buy the Tadalafil (Cialis) and I had to send them by fax my prescription from my doctor. They would not process my order without the script. That made me feel so much better about the purchase. My Script was for 90 tablets over a year and they indicated I could reorder for up to and not exceeding the 90 tablets in the future. I need to get a new script for any more than 90 tablets. That price was so much lower than what I had to pay at Wal-Mart or Walgreens. I was buying 10 mg, tablets at like $22.00 each and then cutting them in half for what I needed. This was like a dollar and change for one tablet. That being all said I received the tablets and they came from a pharmacy in India and the trade name in India is Mildfil (Tadalafil). 30 tablets in a box with a copy of the prescription neatly folded attached to the outside of the box. This I feel is for customs clearance. Now for the results. I have taken my first two dosages on two different days and I must say I am very very happy and pleased with the results. Taken 3 hours before naked play is about to begin I experienced a robust, hard cock; the same results as I has gotten with Cialis. An added plus I found a lack of the headaches that everyone seems to experience with Cialis. The generic Tadalafil was terrific without any of the past side effects of the Cialis. I am going to reorder as soon as I can, it does take some time to get these from India but it is well worth the effort and the price can be gotten for under a dollar per tablet with larger orders. I hope this helps, best of luck.

We have been contacted by many newer couples in the past so I thought we would post up a few things to get you started on the right foot. Everyone has their own ideas on what is right, and there is no right or wrong. We all swing in different ways. Some people are just fine starting out with full swap, some like to play apart and some are just not into that kind of play. What is right for you is for you and you alone (with your partner) to figure out. One thing that we can’t stress enough is that you need to move forward at the speed of the slowest half. No one likes to be pushed and it is just as hard to feel that you are being pulled along. One thing that we have noticed over the years is that a lot of men want to get into swinging and once they do, it’s the woman who takes over. Our advice in this situation is for the man to hold on tight and enjoy the ride. The different kinds of swinging, these are just a few of the more common types, because for every swinging couple there is a different type. Soft swap- Same room sex with your own partner, while the other couple is also having sex or watching you. This may include foreplay activities with the other couple and it may not. Soft swap with bi activity- Once again same room sex without intercourse with the other couple, usually involving Bi activities between the women or the men, then returning to your own partner for intercourse. Full swap- exchanging partners for intercourse. Group sex- Just as it sounds a group of people having sex in the same room. May include bi activity, not to be confused with an orgy. Orgy- An anything goes pile of fun, will include bi activity or incidental contact. Most of the time it’s a free for all with all participants agreeing beforehand that all will be accepted for penetration. Getting started Before you do any contacting of others you need to sit down with your partner, with your clothes on and figure out what you are looking for, doing this with your clothes on will remove some of the sexual excitement from the discussion and allow you to think it through. Naked fantasies, and hot bed room talk are not always well thought out and may cause you issues in the future. Talk about things like, what you want, what you like and most importantly what you don’t like. At this point you are ready to make your rules. Rules are something that all couples should have and stick to. More issues in swinging are caused by one half of a couple breaking a rule, even by mistake than anything else! Some of the more common rules are: No Means NO!! No activities that we don’t do as a couple. Condoms for penetration or condoms for vaginal and anal penetration. Both play or no one plays. Don’t take one for the team. As far as rules go we would suggest making a rule for any situation that you can imagine, you can always eliminate a rule in the future. We don’t recommend removing a rule during play. Meeting others The most common way is to join websites that have others in your area and contacting them to see if you can make a connection. This can be hard to do as not all profiles on the web are real, and if they are real not everyone you contact will be a match. Events are a good way to meet others. At an event you will meet a lot of people who 1 are real, 2 are wanting to meet others as much as you. At events it is easy to make that physical connection, the dancing a flirting can spark interest like no online chat, e-mail or photo can. Check our other posts and blogs to see what kind of events we host and what you can expect at an event. Once you have decided to meet someone Weather at an event or 2 on 2, we have a few tips to make things go smoother. Dress to impress, you only get one chance to make a first impression! For events make up some calling cards to give to people you click with. Something simple, your name(s) e-mail address and or phone number, we even include a picture of ourselves on the card to make it easier to remember us. Some couples have “high signs” for letting each other know that you are either ok with this couple or you don’t want to play with them. Some that we have seen or heard about: Tugging on the ear. Using a word or phrase. Blowing kisses to each other. Drinking, drugs and losing control. While having a few drinks when meeting others can add to a fun time, if you feel the need to drink to party then you are not ready for this. We don’t condone the use of illegal drugs at any time and abhor those who use them in mixed social settings, if doing drugs is your thing then save them for use with others that are into the same things. Both drugs and alcohol can cause you to do things that you may not be comfortable with in the morning so we say, use all substances in moderation. The one thing we recommend above all else is that you talk to each other about everything and anything, before, during and after. If you had a great time let your partner know and also if you had a not so great time let your partner know. While one half of a couple may have had a blast and would like to hook up with that couple again it might not have been so great for your partner and you need to think about them first.

There's some really great advice in this thread, especially for those whom are delving into the style for their first meet or first time.. LFM2 made a very good point about expectations. Discretion in the style is a given, but walk into any meet albeit a club, drinks, house party, etc... with expectations and you're almost assured of disappointment. Your most memorable experiences will come when you don't expect them. Ask any peep that has any real experience in the style. Patience, it really is of virtue (I hate cliche's!), but looking at it, it falls right back on expectations. The more personal rules you lay down, the more patience you're going to have to endure. Eventually, you will start to make allowances and the more the style will reward you. Also,,, Be yourself, abiding by someone else's rules or socially self righteous traits (fit-n-trim, shaved, dress to impress, etc...) is only going to put you outside of your comfort level. When that happens, you lose that "comfort" and that's when the style loses its "fun". I could go on here, but opening a cpl cans of worms on the subject is not what this thread is for...

We can only speak of past experiences. We've never played with a couple without kissing. In our opinion, kissing can have different meanings. Between the two of us, it means "I love you." With anyone else it means, "Let's get hot!" We will agree with Lori that it is very difficult to find a couple who are both good kissers. Alura