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We were away from this board for a while after moving to China temporarily for 2 years because of my husband's job. After settling back, we think it'd be interesting to share our swinging experience in China. It's not a how-to guide, definitely not a political discussion, and not a generalization of the lifestyle in China. Rather it's limited to what we experienced and from talking to other Chinese that we've met. Ok, mostly from my conversations and my perspective since I am the talkative one in our relationship. I should also say hubby and I are both chinese-americans and bilingual. First, a few general observations that surprised me. Most women in China do not shave or trim,at least where we were at. Armpit hair and a full-grown black forest below is the norm. I saw shaved armpits and baldies only among the younger couples usually in their late 20's. I sport brazilian or trimmed as were our swinging partners in the U.S. so that took some getting used to. The second big shocker is that condoms are not commonly used among couples swapping. From my not exactly scientific research, it seems there is a superstitution that condoms decrease the virility of men, and also a belief that because the swinging is between middle class married couples, there are low chances of STDs. A false belief in my book. Condoms are used in threesomes like with a single male. Much more on this later. A word on culture and belief. China is still a very male-dominated society and most successful businesspeople are men. The wives do not work. It's very common for these businessmen to keep a mistress or two and use prostitutes with knowledge of the wives. Most of the women I encountered in the lifestyle said they only got into it because of their husbands. The men like it because they don't use condoms (as opposed to condoms with prostitutes) and the erotic thought of having sex with another man's wife given what a big deal a marriage is, and the women go along because they rather swing with their husbands than have them go off to see mistresses and prostitutes. I don't know if this all makes sense to me. Oh well. On to the fun stuff! Swinging is alive and well and more popular than ever in China, especially the rich and middle class and the younger generation. We met mostly couples in their late 20's to early 40s, and all doing quite well financially by China standard. Although a university professor was jailed for organizing swing parties a few years ago (the news article was posted on this board), most of the Chinese we met believe that the police now has better things to do and they are fine as long as it's kept discreet. It's still not legal though. There are many websites and discussion boards dedicated to meeting other swingers, almost all use this one anonymous private messaging system which assigns each user a number as id and also allows webcam chats. By the way, everything is in Chinese, so for anyone who can't read, write or speak, they are out of luck. We ventured onto one of these websites and after some long discussion between hubby and me, we decided to give it a go carefully. Generally, these sites work the same way: you upload a profile and a photo of both of you holding a paper with the name of the website and your id, contact other folks, webcam for introduction, and set up a place to meet which is usually a hotel or someone's apartment. So apparently, the unspoken rule is that condoms are not used unless it is brought up at the pre-meet. Well we didn't know this and needless to say, the first meeting didn't go so well. We brought up condoms after that and had a lot of rejections as a result. We played some bareback here and I am on birth control, and we decided to try it with the right couple. Other "defaults" (my hubby's term, not mine) are same room full swap and creampies. Other activities are asked and brought up like anal sex and bisexual play. Once we got the cultural kinks out of the way, our experiences were mostly positive. We did this for about 4 months before joining a group, but I'll share that experience in my next post since this is getting a bit long.

Kind of sounds like job hunting. The odds of one resume resulting in a job is pretty small but if you put out a hundred, you're almost certain to hit on something. From the other side, it sounds like you have to look through a lot of resumes and even interviews to find the one who's right. My experience, in everything, has been that if I'm patient the right thing will come along.

If you're not already doing so, open your face pics when contacting people. It's annoying to get mail with no face pics asking if we want to meet. If we reply at all (we don't usually), we mail back saying "how should we know, we don't know what you look like". When we get mail with face pics we always respond, even if to say no thanks.

Welcome to the board! We're aware of Swingstock, but have never attended. I'm guessing both situations can and do occur, since both are common at all types of swing events. Here's the key: You are expected to do only what you're comfortable doing. If you prefer to play as a couple only, then stick with that. It's OK to say "I'm flattered by the offer, but we only play as a couple". Go have fun, and do what the two of you want to do. No expectations.

Well, there kids are out of town all next week visit the grandparents and we have plans to get together again. We'll let you know what happens!!

M. and I have both known people who introduced themselves to strangers thusly: "Hi, my name is X. I'm a queer, sober alcoholic, poly incest survivor." We don't do that. I don't make a big deal out of being bisexual, but I also don't hide it and I certainly speak up when people assume I'm hetero or when someone says something homophobic (it hardly ever happens, unless I'm with my family of origin ). I've been told that it helped one of my young relatives to know that I thought being queer wasn't something noteworthy. For M., if the subject comes up (it did a few weeks ago with an acquaintance), he'll usually say that he's had some experience with men, and that he doesn't identify as straight. I don't talk about swinging at all, even with the friends who know we do, but we've both had conversations with people where it's been clear we don't have strong ties to monogamy. That latter conversational topic is optional, though. Sexual identity doesn't depend on whether you're actively having sex and you no more have to explain how you're bisexual than others have to explain how they're straight.

I can't really add to much more as it has already been said by everyone else. Therefore all I can say is to your wife to not take it personally and remember every person or couple or even group have an agenda and if it doesn't match theirs, they will respectfully decline. Don't let it get to you and move on to other pursuits or try new things as a couple. After all, nothing is ever set in stone so you just have to roll with it. :-). But continue to have fun with each other and enjoy the flirting and messages that go on in forums, chat rooms, messages and even between yourselves. :-)

I'd also suggest checking out other sites. Many times there is a regional site that is much more popular. In our area it is Swingerzonecentral. When we started we met a few couples through sls, but we found that going to swing clubs was much, much more effective. Once you go a couple times people will introduce you to their friends and you'll develop a nice circle. Now we have a monthly meet and greet group and we meet more compatible couples than we ever would have thought possible. Use the websites to find clubs and events in your area and then just start going out and exploring.

My first threesome was about two years ago. I had befriended a college at work and we became very close friends. Hanging out and partying but nothing ever happened between us. She was happily married and I was too. We found out about her lifestyle kinda accidentally. After a night of heavy drinking we let her and her husband use our spare bedroom to stay the night. The next morning, as I was making breakfast I heard someone call out for water from the room. I walked in expecting to find her and her husband recovering from a night of drinking but instead walked in to see them in the act naked with ANOTHER women!! Awkward does not even begin to describe the feeling I had when I opened the door. They came out of the room later and joined us for breakfast (the "friend" had left without saying a word to us). The conversation started about what I had walked in on. The exact words were "Well, the cat is out of the bag"... We all laughed and at the time just finished our breakfast and called it a day. I started to think about what I had seen, two girls and a man and started asking my friend questions. She confided that her and her husband where in the swinging lifestyle and had been for about two years and loved it. I had a lot of questions and she answered all of them. I started to think about what it would be like to be with her and we joked about it until one day it finally happened. It was after a concert, several of us made it back to her house and continued drinking. My husband went home because he had to go to work early the next day. I stayed behind secretly hoping something would happen between me and her. She was just beautiful and had an amazing body and the most amazing breast I had ever seen. After the last guest left her house and it was just me, her husband and her, she quickly pushed me up against the wall and started kissing me passionately, I quickly started returning the favor and did not hesitate one bit. It was so hot. Before I knew it, her husband was on a chair watching us and we had both undressed and started making out. She kissed and touched me in so many places, it was heavenly! She took out her toys and we continued to play with each other till we both climaxed with such pleasure. Her husband joined only to fuck her from behind while she ate me out! I have to admit, watching that was amazing!! It was THE BEST experience ever!! IT left me with a taste of wanting more!! My husband was disappointed he missed out on the fun so we arranged another night of hot sex with just him, me and her. This time, I told him I wanted him to fuck both of us! He was very surprised by my reaction but did not hesitate. We both took turns pleasing him and he took turns pleasing us. Just heaven! The best FIRST experience EVER!!

I don't know about this, I'm anti-hooker, of course I am from TN--- the Volunteer state...lol I would rather be with somebody who actually wanted to be with me. This coming from the fem-half.