Leaderboard

Be careful when attending small house parties (3-5 couples). Although no always means no, there can be a bit of unspoken pressure to play with someone you're not attracted to, and if you don't participate, don't expect to be invited back. Large house parties are much safer because there's usually something for everyone so to speak. For best results, split off from your spouse and seek fun in your own separate directions. Most house parties consist of a core group of friends that invite 2 or 3 new couples to each party. If you don't know anyone, then you're obviously one of the new couples being checked out on a trial basis. Probably not, at least not in such a small group setting.

Wow, excellent points all around! You really hit the nail on the head regarding the complexity of a situation with 3 - 5 couples. Two couples usually works just fine because of the relative simplicity and expectation of who is going to play with whom, and 10+ couples makes it more likely to find someone you match with and/or not stand out if you're off to the side. Another related point I've got in my mind is that of an "attraction outlier", for example: 1) Someone or one couple is much more overall attractive than the rest of the group: It seems that in these cases everyone is vying for that couples attention... "CHOOSE ME!!!" 2) Someone or one couple is much less overall attractive than the rest of the group: They often end up feeling like the kid in P.E. who's the last to be picked up for a team Again, in a 2x2 situation it's pretty simple to resolve those cases and in a large group situation there are more likely chances someone will fit you, but in a 3 - 5 couple situation it can potentially get really awkward! So, anybody have other thoughts? What about questions 4 & 5 above? Thanks in advance for your opinions!

This is as much a question about general social dynamics as it is about house parties in the LS. When there is a 2+2 situation, the dynamic is pretty clear. It's for precisely this reason that many couple..we included...choose to meet new couples for the first time in a stress-free zone, such as a a restaurant for dinner, with no expectations. People can decide about chemistry, trust and so on. When there is a large party, say 10+ couples, the combinations are high and moreover there is always someone/some couple taking a breather. As you point out, getting sore, having to recharge, or simply reconnecting with your partner and so on is part of biology. Not everyone wants to play all the time. We first become exposed to these social dynamics in grade school. Some people always want to be in the middle of things, others want to spend their time on the periphery diving in only when the mood suits. If the number is large enough, things work out pretty well. The most challenging situation is when there are more than 2, but no more than 4 or 5 "units"--here, a unit is a couple. If a couple (or part of a couple) wants to go off and do something else ---whether vanilla or LS situations--it feels a bit awkward. If the existing group is really experienced, and they are inviting you into their inner circle, then they know what it was like when they joined, and they'll make you feel at ease. The problem arises when there are real differences in expectations. If you say for the first time, we'll absorb the atmosphere but play only with each other...this was our approach, BTW...and they know this in advance and are okay with it, then the pressure around expectations is reduced. As to germs, that's an LS risk. Just kissing other folks will lead to typical upper respiratory infections with at least some frequency. Nature's way of telling us to take it easy. You have to decide your risk tolerance. Again, just playing with your spouse the first time will limit the type of risk you take and also enable you to get a sense of how the others manage the germ issues.

appreciation vs objectification

It gets frustrating. I gave up on SLS a couple of weeks after we decided to really swing. We took our explorations to a club. My husband took over the profile reading and mailing. He quickly came to the conclusion that it's a lot to wade through. He has moved to doing the same as I when I do mail, be laid back and invite them to say hello if they see us at the club or a meet and greet. It's no commitment, no pressure and perfectly OK if they never answer or show. The Rose

Hello all. I think I know the point the poster is really trying to make. At a party group I attend one of the guys said he would get violent if someone even asked him if he wanted to engage on M/M play. He asked if the rest of the guys were in agreement with him. This same fellow is enthusiastic about it when his wife does some F/F play. I had to tell him I most certainly WAS NOT in agreement about that. After all, it's a sex party. I don't care who asks who to do what. Just so long as they ask and respect the answer they get. If a person can't handle being asked they shouldn't go to those sort of parties. In the scenario the poster laid out my only real objection (other than leaving the ladies alone, naked among strangers) is that the guy didn't ask permission before jamming his dick down someone's throat. There's no need to have the violent reaction to the very idea that some guys have. If a simple "no thanks" solves the trouble why not leave it at that?