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Usually by the time I see these posts there are so many great answers there is nothing I can add, but in this case I think I can because I think I have been in your shoes at one time. I feel that my feelings on the same subjects swinging/hot wife/mild cucking/ were all similar to you. I am going to key in on just a couple of your points and tell you what worked for me. I “self medicated” my obsession. We had hours of conversation that drilled really deep to find out what SHE wanted. With that I discovered that many times she was into indulging my craziness, but what made it hot for her was for her to expend a minimum of effort. So what once was a “date” fantasy for me became a quickie after work. That fed the desire I had as well as being something she was into. Moral; it took months but the key was finding the nucleus of what parts of it were hot for HER. You compared the things that you obsessed over as a “game”. That is kind of funny because the next thing I did was to engage in non-sexual activities with my wife and other couples that I felt stimulated some of the same things in my head that got stimulated during swinging. You know what worked here? don’t laugh… board and card games. I swear it really did work (for me)… you want to feel like a cuck? Try having your ass stomped in euchre by your wife and her male partner Playing these games were engaging and fun, you feel dominate and competitive as well as submissive. It is crazy how fast the other thoughts get replaced by these. The best part is you are doing it with the love of your life. We now have a stack six feet tall of board games. The end result of this is not to replace all of your kinky thoughts but to sort of supplement them. Find some other social activity that you can do with your wife and other couples. Just try it. “Change” has been mentioned a lot here. We look at change as sort of a sine wave. There are ups and downs. We guys tend to look at things as constants when actually they are variables. What is fun today may not be fun tomorrow, but will be fun the next day. It is not so much about change but about following each others desires and moods. Nothing is permanent. That brings me to one last thing… Stop worrying about time pressures. There is ALWAYS later. (our key words).. Like many here we fit into the “kids grown and out of the house category” but for a real life comparison; this weekend I had a fantastic time with an insatiable 22 year old with a two year old and she said that the swinging thing really didn’t kick in until she had her baby. You never know…. The idea behind all of this is simply to make any kind of swinging into what you deeply want…. A hobby not an obsession…..

Confused, I agree with much if not all of what our esteemed fellow forum denizens say above. I have a few things to add on which I hope you may find of use... You've been very open with us and made quite the post to start this thread. It's very detailed, and goes deeply into your feelings and thoughts. So here's my question on this; would you let her read all of this? If not, why not? If you do not have the open honesty necessary to share the thoughts you expressed here with her, there is an underpinning of communication breakdown that can fundamentally undermine your relationship regardless of swinging or any sort of non-monogamy. You are concerned that "she changed". Anyone who has been married for many years will tell you that their spouse has changed over time. You can't avoid it. It WILL happen. Fearing change is wrong in this case. It's the growth together that you should relish. Maybe she has changed. There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean she cheated you out of something, that she did one thing and now things are different and you were tricked out of what you hoped was a lifetime of that. Sorry, but change is real. If you want to stay married, you'd better begin to accept that reality and embrace her as a living, breathing individual who is a delight to know...and LEARN about...forever. Having kids doesn't end swinging. Pregnancy is hard on women and it will affect their sex drives in one form or another. My wife and I didn't start swinging until after we'd had our kids. Her sex drive wasn't any less after she had kids. It's a complete misnomer that women somehow shut down physically after having kids, that the fact of pregnancy destroys their sex drives. What destroys sex drives are the overburdens of parenthood that sap away energy. A mother might be changing diapers much of the day, doing laundry, doing dishes, cleaning house, cleaning out the diaper genie, entertaining the little one with oogie-woogie-poogie speak, and have the baby hanging off her breast (sometimes painfully) for a good portion of the day...then she's supposed to toss on some sexy lingerie and TADA! SUPER SEX MOM TO THE RESCUE to save the day for her husband who wants sex. It doesn't work that way The best way men can improve their wives' sex drives is to pamper them, tag team them when you get home and tell them to go do something they want to enjoy, knock out a lot of the chores around the house, give the baby a bath, rock the baby to sleep, make up a bottle for the kid, clean up the kitchen, make the beds, run some laundry. Oh, and mow the lawn, do house maintenance, take out the trash, get the car serviced, make doctors appointments, and etc..etc..etc... being a family is draining on the parents. Don't expect your wife to be super mom AND super wife. Instead, embrace the new role you have for yourself and be as much a part of the family's solutions as you can. The easier you make it for your wife, the more her sex drive will rebound. I can't guarantee it, but I can guarantee it will make her happier regardless so it's 1000% worth doing. By the way; when my wife was pregnant with our second child, we didn't have sex for almost a year. It was a hard pregnancy, and took a toll on her. Also, your wife having sex with other men while she is pregnant is medically a bad idea. There are other threads here on the forum that attest to that. Leave the pregnant women with another man as fantasy and fantasy only. You mentioned that you think your feelings are irrational? Feelings and logic do not talk to each other. Feelings aren't any more rational than the sky is purple with blue polkadots. More important; your feelings are yours. It's how you feel. How you decide to react to those feelings is your measure. Choose your path, and rather than being subservient to your feelings figure a pathway forward, in concert and communication with your wife, that works.