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Time for an update. We went out Saturday and met a very nice couple. After dinner and a bunch of talking, we ended up in bed with them for a wonderful full swap. My husband did well and kept his confidence the entire time. Step 1 over. Theirs a swing party Saturday night. We're gonna try to make it. Hopefully his confidence will still be high. Thanks again everyone.

My advice is going to be blunt: Walk away.

idon'tknow, I remember you from your first post on the forum (as well as all of your subsequent postings) and maybe it's wrong of me to judge the entire situation based on all of your postings collectively within the last 7 months instead of taking this one unique post on it's own but I'm going to do it anyway. Please feel free to disregard my entire post for that reason. From day one, I remember your stress and anxiety about getting into swinging. Your wife was ready and raring to go but you weren't sure about any of it. Just re-reading your old posts gave me a bit of anxiety thinking about what was going on...and perhaps that's why I remembered your previous postings so well. Your first, second, and third postings, it was pretty clear that everyone who was trying to help you out were saying that you two were not ready for swinging. For me, there's just this glaring fact that she was pushing you into this before you were ready. Whether it was because of lack of open and honest communication, a lack of listening to each others' fears and desires, and/or lack of doing what was best for the relationship, you two forged on to swinging. Fast forward a few months to your next postings and they were about have erectile problems. I'm not a man so I can't say for certain but from what I've heard from my husband and fellow male SB members, it's not just about the physical inner workings of the penis but it's in the mind. You can take ED drugs to help with the problem but it won't do anything unless your mind is ready to let things work. Again, I personally thought this was another sign that you two weren't ready to swing. Next, you talked about your wife wanting a poly relationship with this couple. And currently, now there's relationship problems between you and your wife. Based on your postings alone, which is unfair because it is only one side of the story and could create an incorrect assessment of the situation, but I think your wife is being very selfish. She isn't thinking about you. She isn't thinking about your relationship, your marriage, your life together. She's thinking about what she wants. She isn't considering how her wants, desires, and actions are affecting you and the relationship. She is concerned about what she is losing...and it isn't you that she's afraid of losing. Maybe all of these sexual experiences are fogging her thinking capabilities and making it hard for her to think straight. But she wanted this more than you. She was willing to make you feel guilty for not allowing her to indulge in something "for herself". Swinging, even as a single, isn't just "for yourself"...it's for everyone involved...everyone should have pleasure from it. If someone isn't enjoying it, then something isn't right. She offered hall passes (even though you originally only wanted to play together) to help "alleviate" your ED problems but perhaps it was self-motivated to allow her to continue playing without having to worry about what was going on with you. I really, really, really hate writing this response because I dislike being tough toward someone who isn't here and can't defend herself. For all I know, I'm completely wrong and she has a completely different perspective that would make me sympathize with her. Nonetheless, my advice is the following: 1. Stop swinging all together. I still think you aren't ready and your wife needs to realize and understand that. She needs to move at your pace and if she isn't willing to move at your pace then... 2. She's not looking out for the best interests in regard to you and your marriage. She's looking out for herself and what she wants. Everyone else be damned if they aren't in line with what she wants. 3. You need to think long and hard about the worst case scenario here. Clearly, she wanted this. She is afraid that you will "take all of this away". She's is getting violent and angry about how you feel about pulling away from all of this. You need to think about your safety and your children's safety. If she isn't going to get out of this "me, myself, and I" syndrome, instead of thinking about "me, my husband, my children, and my marriage" then you need to think rationally about your options and what might occur. I hope I am wrong about everything I wrote. I want things to turn out well for you, your wife, your family, and your life. But from what I've read of your posts...I'm fearful of what might be if your wife doesn't change her viewpoint on swinging and her priorities concerning you, the family, and your relationship.

Our first and only swinging experience was FFM (not a good one, but not because of the sex (penetration) itself or any jealousy issues). But one of many bad things about that experience, for me (the wife) was that the woman clearly was mostly into me. She told me that she mostly wanted me, wasn't that into my husband, and that he would enjoy just watching me have fun. I continued because I assumed just about any woman would eventually want penetration and I wanted that experience for my husband. But I felt terrible for him during sex (being excluded). I kept trying to turn attention toward him but she kept pulling me back. I hated it. I love my husband so if he is not having fun, I'm not having fun. If we ever do this again, I don't mind g/g, but I will make it very clear that either my husband gets attention, along with me, or no one gets anything. It's so unfair and really just terrible for the man. Bottom line is that I can't enjoy myself if my husband isn't enjoying himself. And I think asking about that particular dynamic during an initial meeting is completely fair and reasonable, although we have only had one experience so not sure how others would feel. My view is that if they don't like my questions--well then we aren't a match.

Going to go a different direction here than some of the other posters but trying to be 'fair' in swinging is one of the fastest ways to kill the experience. Every experience we have, the wife get's to fuck 3 people (the wife, the other husband and me) I get the whole 'jipped' feeling you mention but this is about an experience the two of you are having together and if you want fairness, become bi and suck the other guys cock and vice versa and all settled. If your like me and many of the other men who are totally grossed out at the thought, then you really don't want fairness. Be happy in your wife's enjoyment because it's not about tit-for-tat sex. We run into so many couples where it's like, they feel they have to match everything the other couple is doing, I feel like we are having sex in front of a fucking mirror...like a kid that keeps repeating everything you do...you just want to say quit-it!! If you can go 3 times in the time it takes me to go once, as long as your partner is into it then I say go for it! Why are we all so wrapped up on fairness and not on the enjoyment? You are a really nice guy. I can tell by your posts you are pretty sincere and your wife is awesome too in her desire to want to make sure you are just as happy as she is but I really believe this is mostly in your head. It's easy to feel that the other woman is into your wife more than you but I say this...most swingers won't take one for the team and if they are playing with you then the wife digs you! Don't let your mind screw with your head and the last thing I would say is why the fuck are you and the other husband just sitting around watching? Get on a boobie and participate!!!!