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I'm going to say, I'm sorry, but I think this is all you. The minute you started to feel uncomfortable you should have put a halt to proceedings. That was your first mistake. I understand feeling insecure that she got off so many times, but the whole point was for her to enjoy herself,and if you're going to be comfortable in the lifestyle you are going to have to be ok with seeing men do things to your wife that you can't (because if they did what you do, what would be the point). Last time we swung the guy got me off so many times I literally curled up in a ball and said no more, my husband grinned because he was happy that I was so happy. As for blurting out a past experience, it hardly sounds like she told them her deepest darkest secret, it was just an anecdote that she thought was relevant to the moment that hadn't come up in conversation with you before. Can you imagine if you were at a bar with some friends telling a funny story and your wife got pissed because she hadn't heard it first, you would think she had lost her mind. Condoms break, no women can't always tell, give her the benefit of the doubt because she's your wife and you're supposed to trust her Damn straight she turned you down because she was sore, when you're sore you're sore. YOu don't always notice when you're in the middle of sex but 5 minutes later when the endorphins wear off, ouch. Here's what I think happened. You couldn't get hard so instead of being in the middle of a fun time yourself you were kind of bored and irritated and feeling insecure and your brain went into overdrive. Now instead of talking to your wife about your insecurities, and owning them, you're trying to make it all about the things she did wrong to make you feel that way. As far as I can tell she didn't knowingly break any of the rules you two laid out. SO you have to sit her down and talk to her about how you're feeling and add in new rules to try and prevent this from happening again. Perhaps you need her to check in with you more, so tell her that, she's not psychic. Perhaps you need reassurance that you can stop things when you start to feel uncomfortable (you can, at any moment). This isn't some marriage ending problem that you need to blow out of all proportion, it's a learning experience that you need to discuss with your wife.

I think people need to remember that there are just as many varieties of emotions attached to kissing as there are types of love. Before I married I loved others but it was never the same love. It felt different for each person, which is why chemistry is so important to swingers. I love my kids and my pets in a maternal way but still very different. With kissing it's the same, I'm going to kiss my swing partners with passion, lust, and even some love but none of that compares to the amazing love I have for my husband. The little love I have for swing partners is more in line with respect, compassion and a gratitude that would share themselves with me in such an intimate way. Remember folks, it isn't the physical act that gets you in trouble it's the emotion you attach to it.

Sometimes honesty is not the best policy. There was no harm done. By being honest with your boyfriend or telling someone else you risk consequences that far outweigh an innocent unplanned encounter. Enjoy your memories and maybe you can bring up the subject of swinging and/or mmf's or ffm's with your boyfriend to see how he reacts. Maybe someday you can tell him about your adventure. Beat Wisconsin!

Is a "no kissing" rule a common thing? We are just starting to explore girl-on-girl swap (with boys watching and participating with own partners only). A couple who plays exactly the same way found us, the Mrs and I have built some great rapport over the past couple days, lots of chemistry and dirty talk, talking about meeting for drinks......and then I found out that she has no plans to kiss me? Correction lol, she can kiss my pussy but kissing my mouth is too intimate. Ummmm...... Is this common? I feel like that might be a dealbreaker for me. Kissing is such an integral part of foreplay. And she mentioned separating "emotions from just fucking" but, call me a big ol hippie, I just can't do that. Seriously, love is my life. I feel connections and love with all kinds of people every day. That doesn't mean it's anything close to what I experience with my husband, but "shut off"? I can't do that (and I can't help but think our swinging predecessors, the free love generation of the 60's and 70's, would be appalled by people talking about no kissing and shutting off emotions). It's all about the love, man! Thanks for making your way through my fairly long post- lol as I sort this out in my head and decide if this is a dealbreaker. Any input appreciated

Social behavior? We do pretty much the same things that 'vanilla' couples do...go out, get together with others, enjoy an evening with friends. Only difference is that there is always a chance that we are getting lucky (only with someone who we didn't come or leave the gathering with) The keys to being successful are swingers have much more than the average couple has when it comes to love, trust and communication. All three are vitally and equally important. Most swingers talk about everything without fear of judgement and that just makes the relationship...well, swinging is just the sprinkles on the ice cream of life. This question comes up often. The problem with having a particular 'symbol' is that once anyone else knows what it is, then it isn't a secret anymore (and most swingers value their privacy). There have been attempts in the past (black ring on right hand, a pineapple on a porch, white landscaping rocks, a red porch light, a “Tide” laundry box in your window), but nothing has taken hold. As for images, Google will show images, but these are also nothing more than a picture and aren't really used for any reason. Vanilla = people who are 'plain' or not in the lifestyle Lifestyle or L/S = swingers Same room = two couples having sex in the same room, with limited (or no) interaction between the two couples Soft swap = anything up to (and the limits are usually determined in advance by the people involved) intercourse (and soft sway counts as swinging) Full swap = intercourse Playing = Getting together with another individual or couple to have (whatever your agreed limits may be) sex Unicorn = A single woman interested in playing with a couple Golden Unicorn = A bisexual single woman interested in playing with a couple FFM = Two women (usually a unicorn) and one (very lucky) man - can also be FMF...sometimes this indicates that the female half of the couple isn't interested in FF play MMF = Two men, one woman Open marriage = Both partners are allowed to 'date' other people without the other being involved That's all I can think of off the top of my head This is the hardest AND the easiest part of all. Just have a relationship that is strong enough where you can talk to your partner about your deepest fantasies without judgement, and having both partners agree that it is something that they would be interested in pursuing. Have enough love, trust and respect to minimize any potential jealousy and know that it is JUST sex. You are not leaving without the other. Neither of you are looking for a 'replacement' and you are doing this together. That this is just a 'bonus' to your relationship and not anything more than that. That if either of you wants to stop, you both will stop without hesitation, no repercussions, and no looking back. That this is a 'team activity' and the two of you form that team. Once you have the relationship strong enough for this, then all you have to do is find another person or couple (whatever the desire may be) and enjoy yourselves. In most cases, even same room sex constitutes as swinging (or at least it's the 'gateway' to swinging) since the vast majority of couples never even get this far. Hope that answers most of your questions. LUK if you have any more or need any further info.

This is all starting to sound like the Dr. Phil show. PSUlioness, there are many secrets that I am going to take to the grave. And I feel no guilt about keeping them to myself. And I do not consider my silence in this regard as a betrayal. Since being married, my life has been an open book. Sometimes I will relate a story because it entertains. But there are many things from my past life that are now irrelevant.

I'm going to respectfully disagree, if only because this seems to be gnawing at PSULioness. Obviously, the experiences has brought up thoughts and feelings that she needs to address. The best way to do that is honesty. Yes, there might be serious negative consequences to her relationship but those should be weighed not only against the immediate consequences of the act but also the longer term consequences of the thoughts and feelings the act has clearly brought up. Furthermore, I would respectfully submit that these things have a way of coming out. You know what the old saying about three people who know a secret (it only stays secret if two of them are dead)... and when two of them might not even know it is a secret, there is fair chance of it not staying secret. Speaking for myself, I'd much rather hear about an "innocent unplanned encounter" from my partner than from literally anyone else.

Greetings and welcome. I'm sure you'll find folks willing to answer your questions, myself among them. 1.What forms of social action (behavior) do swingers engage in and how are these actions different from the larger population? Apart from the obvious? (The obvious being consensual, non-monogamous sexual activity between individuals and/or committed couples.) I'd say the other key behavior involves open, honest communication. 2.Are there any symbols particular to the culture? If so, describe their significance. I'm not aware of any. 3.Are there any codes/forms of communication particular to the culture that are different from standard forms of communication? Generally, no... though, I think like any subculture, swingers do share a certain amount of jargon, terms like play (sexual activity), swap (exchange of sexual partners between couples), soft swap (swapping partners but without sex... though may include oral sex). 4. How do members join or gain entry into the culture? Pretty much by deciding to do so.

I think you would need to be in a warm climate...frankly up here, right now, everybody has layers and layers of clothes on. You can barely tell women from men.

I'm really sorry that there are no magic words to make your husband understand how you're feeling. If you've talked to him already and he's not listening then there really isn't much else any of us can say because if communication has broken down that's a big crack in a swinging relationship and more than any of us are qualified or able to fix. You can probably find a lifestyle friendly therapist, even if you have to do skype consultations, and that might help you work through these issues. But really your only option is some form of communication, whether it's facilitated or not.

I think that you are overthinking it as well, however, you can always just ask her. Also, here's an opportunity to talk with your BF about his comment inviting her to stay with us the next time she is town...you don't have to tell WHEN it happened, but maybe that something has happened with her before and see how he reacts to it. At least it would start a conversation about it.

Instead of thinking about how difficult it is to meet her requests, think instead that she is even open to the idea. Keep working on communicating more and see if she would be willing to lessen some of her requirements. As she feels safer with you, she may also be willing to think about other options. I'm sure that the 'overseas' request is so that there's no chance of anyone 'finding out' here or running into the third party. See if she is interested in (eventually) visiting a club out of the area. Make it a weekend visit somewhere nice and include the club. The door is at least open, maybe try getting her to take a peek inside, then work towards baby steps. If she wants to stop or back track, listen to her and do it. You never know what may actually happen until you try, so try to see if she is willing to (slowly) go there. Good luck and let us know how things progress.

I think the ambiguity here is that you keep saying "you think" and "you feel". That's fine, I'm not being critical. It just sounds like you and your boyfriend never discussed exclusivity and so you don't really know if you did anything wrong or not. Is that correct, or is there more to it than that? My view (and Mrs. EastInWest's view) is that until it's discussed, the assumption is that you might both have other partners and should behave accordingly. Maybe you are both getting more romantically involved, but it doesn't follow that you've agreed to stop considering and exploring other possibilities - until it is. I've had intense relationships with women that were not exclusive for a variety of reasons. It wasn't an "open relationship", we just weren't paired up in any meaningful or practical way, even though we were emotionally involved, so that wasn't an issue. Sometimes we'd openly discuss our other adventures, other times that reality was uncomfortable and not something that came up. So when you're confused about it, I'm reading this as "we didn't discuss sex with others, so I don't know if it was cheating or not", since if you had agreed to be exclusive, it would be unambiguous that you were cheating on him. To me, that means a few different things: 1) If you aren't in an exclusive relationship, you don't have to tell him about this if you don't want to. 2) You need to figure out if you want to be in an exclusive relationship or not, if you want to play with others or not, and make sure you're both on the same page, because it's not fair to let him walk around thinking you two have this all worked out while you're debating whether or not you want to have a threeway with two other people. If he has any illusions, he's sacrificing opportunities for things he might want based on an unfounded assumption about you. 3) Don't lie to him. Don't "leave out" the man. If you're not in an exclusive relationship with this person, you can tell him and make it his business or don't tell him and keep it in the past, but there's no reason to make a mess by concealing important facts (and you clearly think they're important, or you wouldn't be considering leaving it out). If you did do wrong by him here, don't double down on it. Maybe I'm wrong and you both have no doubts in your mind that you are in an exclusive relationship, in which case you might be best off making a decision about whether or not you want this relationship to work and, if you do, being honest with him. However, even your status identifies you as a "single female", so everything about this screams to me that you don't see yourself as being in a relationship and that it's messy because the two of you haven't communicated about your expectations. If your boyfriend got a blowjob from a girl he met after a night out at a bar, would he be in the same headspace where he's not really sure if he did anything wrong because golly, he really likes you and you really like him, but you haven't talked about your intentions? You'd be hurt because you're feeling more "serious", but would you really have a good reason to be upset because he knew better, or would you just be upset because you don't like the fact that it happened?

Your criteria is already difficult to match, as others have mentioned, but you chose two countries where English is not spoken widely and the population generally is somewhat xenophobic (not in a mean-spirited way but just not trusting of foreigners). I can't speak for Korea but I've had some swinging experience in Japan. Most swinger clubs (and I'd say even escorts) are open to Japanese only. You may be able to talk your way in if you speak the language, but I doubt you'll get far if you can't read/speak Japanese. We were able to play only because we have Japanese friends who vouched for us and we learned some elementary Japanese. A MFF fantasy is doable, but I think you'd have better success if there are less restrictions.

We've been talking about it for 2 years. We both have always thought and fantasize about it, but now we want to act upon it. Weird, the more I think of my wife with another guy the more I want her.

Haha, most all of them. The ones that remain are the Golden rules: No means no No taking one for the team Do unto others as you would hope they do unto you ...can't think of any others right now.

I was at the Red Rooster solo one time and doing quite well with a nice couple with a single girlfriend. Mr. couple asked if I would like to do it with his wife and she interjected that I had to kiss her first. Well I did and it was game on at that point. Glad I passed the test. Certainly, if you are turned off by someone's kissing, good things will not follow. Another time before that, I was there and did an MMF with a nice couple who had a "no kissing" rule. I licked her pussy 69 fashion while he fucked her and then sucked him, followed by me fucking her. The no kissing part didn't seem to bother me at the time. Bottom line, as a previous poster said, That rule is bound to lead to others, and interjects a bit of drama to the encounter.

Over the years we have been involved with this hobby we've encountered a few couples with the no kissing rule. As others have said, we can't understand how sucking my dick is somehow less intimate than kissing us?? For us, kissing is part of foreplay and a big part of the discovery process with new playmates. It's also part of the process of elimination for us because there are good kissers and not so good. If a guy does it well, Mrs Doc's toes will curl and her clothing will fall off, if he doesn't, the evening becomes mechanical or simply doesn't happen. We've lamented that kissing is becoming a lost art. Remember making out in a car in your high school days and beyond??? Didn't it always involve kissing? And didn't kissing evolve into more? Just because we're pretty sure we're going to boink another couple doesn't mean that we don't want the erotic stimulation kissing provides. On a side note, we've found that couples with this rule often have more rules than just that. It becomes way too complicated and not a lot of fun to have to work through a check list of do's and don'ts. So for us, a no kissing rule really is a deal breaker.

Yeah, being "disconnected from emotion" is like dancing with someone who is counting the steps between clenched teeth. What the hell is the point?? Trust the process!