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I went to my very first lifestyle (swingers) club last night. I went alone. Given a tour of the club that ended at the bar. I had a drink. Walked over to a dancers pole in the middle of the room, and proceeded to dance for a song showing off my flexibility and sensuality. A sexy woman (topless) came and threw money on me. We danced together for a bit. She had huge boobs and and huge ass. Afterward she and her man and I went to a private room. I was really nervous but excited. We talked about my expectations & limits. I came as a voyeur to watch a live porno, is what I said... I watched as she gave him great head. I spanked her ass and sucked on her nipples while he fucked her. I played with myself then I allowed her to lick my kitty until I climaxed too. I really liked them. We exchanged numbers so who knows what the future might bring. I will be back to Saints & Sinners in Philly.

I cannot speak to the proportion of people at clubs but the Florida people with whom we are now becoming acquainted, a significant proportion use no kind of on-line presence. They are parts of a true network. Somebody's having a house party and tells so-and-so who tells so-and-so and the next thing you know, it's a party. The Florida people network (OMG, did I just make a verb from a noun) even in their summer homes in Ohio, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia so we keep apace with them even while in our western Pennsylvania home. We have, for the last two years, met many more people in this network than through SLS.

While the divide between the LS and vanilla life is most sharply demarcated along the line of sexual tolerance, the entire lifestyle is an "alternative lifestyle" that rests on embracing and celebrating a set of values. What is "interesting" and "attractive" in the LS is only partially related to conventional notions of beauty. It has more to do--we think much more to do--with how couples present themselves and interact with each other. We agree that "taking one for the team" is a poor strategy. On the other hand, making decisions based on whether photographs show people to be classically beautiful is an equally poor strategy. We have run into more than one "handsome couple" where the attitudes and conversation immediately put us off. And while the couples we are close to are very attractive to us, fun to be with and so on, neither we nor they are going to appear in fashion magazines in the near future. Meeting couples is part of the fun of the LS. It is also an important part of the introspection of the LS: with the opportunity to think about what you like in others, there is a reciprocal opportunity to reflect on how others perceive you. Is there such a thing as too picky? Of course not. However, it might limit your experience and your horizons. Travel provides a useful analogy. If, when you travel, you stay only in lodging that is 'just like home', eat only foods that are 'just like home', see only things that are 'just like home', you can claim to have traveled--but not to have experienced travel. Experienced travelers do so because they relish the new experiences.

My wife and I are looking forward to playing with another couple. We have talked about what we both want and how we hope it goes down. We want to be in the same room for safety and getting to see each other enjoying others. What I don't get is why anyone would want to go in to separate rooms? Since we have never had the opportunity to enjoy the lifestyle I am sure there is something I am missing. Please let us know the advantage of separate rooms.

We are hoping this thread could be used for swing origin stories. If there is already a thread like this please let us know. Where you started and how you dealt with feeling. What you limits were and how they've changed. It may be alot to ask but it would be helpful to know how long you were together before swing and how long you've been doing it. Possibly some horror stories if you like. Anyone lost a relationship? We found this site while trying to get our act together. We both want to try but like many are having trouble with that first step. Hoping others stories could help us understand where to start.

I read a lot of profiles and it looks like most couples are looking for friendship with benefits. Can that really happen? I would like to think so but all my friends are vanilla. We have been out to dinner, shows and even on vacation with them. Just thinking about having the same type of relationship with a couple and have the benefits is mind-blowing. Did anyone out there ever find that type of friendship? And if so, how long has it lasted?

Inhibitions. Sometimes the sex can be better without an audience.

This is a possibility, Peter. I think the key is being able to discern the difference. Laura was really good at that. Kissing thoughts are usually accompanied by a twinkle in their eyes while an inability to hear is a confused look. Kissing thoughts are more fleeting; hearing problems tend to cause people to watch your lips for extended periods of time. Even so, there is no guarantee that you'll guess accurately. I've spent a lot of time around unmuffled race cars (and gunfire), too. I couldn't agree more. People who answer questions with questions piss me off. It shows an unwillingness to communicate, a core need in swinging. Unless there were a lot of other positive aspects, we'd most likely have remembered that we had to go do something important.

[HUBBY talking here] So the lady and I are on SLS and scanning through pics. We probably aren't really ready for a personal meeting just yet and want to start in a club but its nice to see how is out there especially in the area. Since its our first time we of course want this to be a fun experience and do everything we can to avoid on or the other being turned off by the whole thing. So we are looking at couples and we are finding its harder to find matches than we though. It seems that if there is a couple where I think the girl is cute, she's not into the guy or the other way around. She's going to be a tough cookie on this because where I am mostly vetting the girl, she is looking at the guy and she wants the girl to be cute too. But then again, considering this is such a small community, maybe this is being too picky. On the other hand, maybe we'll have better luck at the clubs anyway since I imagine a large portion of people going to the events probably don't even have online profiles so maybe the SLS profiles are just a small handful of a bigger picture. Did anyone else find themselves being too picky when starting out? Are you still picky? How do you generally come to an agreement on a couple and when you do, how did you get there?

That's sage advice, Alura. It's really a sort of seduction, even if the object isn't necessarily to end up in bed with them, but rather to determine if there is even the potential of playing together. And of course revealing to another couple, assuming they are people with whom you are acquainted in a broader context, not just people you met in a bar or similar place, is a one-way street. Once you've revealed yourselves, either implicitly or explicitly, there's someone out there who knows something about you that you want to keep out of the public realm. (If you are, as some friends of mine are, totally out, then of course that doesn't matter.) I meet my partners at swinger events and through the internet, plus my wife and I are old, so neither I nor we as a couple have others approach us. But if I did have someone who seemed to be hinting by asking my opinions about swinging, my response would be to ask about theirs. I suspect others might respond the same way. So, it might be good to have a response in mind if the question it turned back on you. Not that it's likely to happen to me or to us, but if acquaintances were to ask, my response would be along the lines of "it's a subject that we've discussed in the past, and one we find interesting. What are your thoughts on the subject?" One last thing, with regard to people watching your lips. It might be because hey are fantasizing about kissing them, and that's certainly a pleasant interpretation. But some of us who are somewhat hearing impaired (way to much time in and around unruffled race cars over the course of my life, for instance)we look at lips when people talk as an aid to understanding their words. I might be thinking about kissing you, but I also might just be trying to hear what you are saying. :-)

Try drinking about 16 ounces of water after you take viagra, it seems to help with my headaches.

According to my late wife, the woman should be the one to ask. The question must be phrased in a way that results in a discussion, not a simple "yes" or "no" answer. "How do y'all feel about swinging?" This question should only be asked after you've had some positive indications from conversation or body language. If the couple interacts with you and your wife, that is, the husband talks with your wife and you with his, that's a good sign. If one is very quiet, rarely speaking, arms crossed across the chest, no eye contact, don't ask. The results will probably be not so good. If they glance at your lips while you're talking, they're having thoughts of kissing you. That's when your wife should ask.

My wife and I have been swinging for 40 years married 44. In the early days, swingers had to be secret. If it ever got out, it could actually get you fired, kids made fun of at school, scorned by all that knew, and so on. It was subject you couldn't just talk about in ordinary conversations. But today, you can find the subject of poly marriages, moms who are strippers the dad goes to work during the day, and mom strips from 7 to 12 at night when he gets home and he takes care of the kids, subject of swinging, discussions about nudists, discussions of STDs, sex toys, a six year old boy getting his 12 year old baby sitter pregnant and having the boy and girl plus the six year old child 6 years later on TV for all to see is on talk shows, public radio talk shows, plus our movies today are and TV shows are full of sexual talk and R rated movies are full of sexual scenes and now full front nude shot of men are so common. Plus kids everywhere can get any sexual sight on the net. They know more about sex at younger ages than any my age ever did. A young swinger mom 28 years old told my wife just two months a go that she got caught by her three young boys with her swinger partner. Her husband and her had a talk with the boys explaining their life style. The boys asked if they were going to get a divorce. They said absolutely not we love each other and don't have plans to ever divorce. The three boys smiled jumped up and down and cheered and hugged their parents and said, oh thank God. So and so's parents are swingers and they got a divorce. Now how about that for discussion?

I've mentioned before, I am in my mid-30s and Mrs. EastInWest is in her mid-to-late 40s. I can't comment on changes in swinging in particular, but I will say that I definitely think the stigma regarding group sex is on the decline. MFM/FMF was almost always at least a topic of sexual small talk with a woman, even if there was no serious interest, and even Mrs. EastInWest, relatively sheltered as she was, was aware that younger men were more likely to have a serious interest in going through with FMF. I think it's seen less as something only a deviant would do to more of a litmus test for being open-minded/adventurous. This might account for some of the observation about more young people getting involved in swinging. The relationship dynamics might still be scandalous/controversial, but the sexual dynamics are not nearly so. Maybe access to porn has made it seem a little less outrageous to have an audience, as well. That some of these things actually happen remains jaw-dropping to Mrs. EastInWest.

Absolutely not, no bad questions here on this site, ever! We have fun playing the "are they or aren't they" thing with people you see or meet. But, truth is, no way of knowing for sure unless you ask I've told this story here several times I think, including fairly recently. Short version is - new girlfriend/eventually wife of a vanilla friend. When she first started coming around, she made my swingdar start flashing red big time. She seemed to always figure out a way to work swinging into the conversation at least once every gathering without really seeming pro or con about it and she knew the lingo. Eventually it comes out that a long-time good friend of hers is a swinger and is out about it, and although she's not interested herself, she likes hearing about her friend's escapades. Moral of story, proceed cautiously, what seems to be might not be.

Let's get back on topic here folks. What we like about single males is the same thing we like about single females: it's easier to make a three-way match than a four-way match.

I was the "third", the "bull", the man her husband watched her having sex with. We all had a good relationship and we had about a half dozen encounters over a period of years. He was noticeably larger than me me but it didn't seem to matter to her. She seemed to enjoy herself with me every time we played. I expected her to be "loose" from constantly getting fucked by a cock as big as his but she felt firm and tight every time. I was surprised by that.

People can be as picky as they want! That is their choice, but I do think some people picky themselves out of ever getting anywhere in the lifestyle. Like those people that have been on an online site for a few years and are still new and still looking for that super hot couple even though they themselves are far from the perfect 10's. We see this all the time. As far as judging people's attraction on pictures you see online alone I think that is a big mistake! A person can turn out to be super sexy in person even if their picture didn't jump out at you as a hell yes I want. It can go the other way too. The only real way to gauge attraction is to get out and meet the people in person. If you do it on a no commitment basis there is nothing to lose, but something to possibly gain. Being overly picky held us back when we first started searching online and looking back we probably missed out on some really great opportunities with some really great people. Might have also burned some bridges for future opportunities. You live and you learn.

Funcoupledayton hit it on the head. We get rejected often and we can't figure out why. We've played with some people who are not great looking, but are great sexual partners. Don't be so quick to dismiss people. You may miss a prince!

Looking at profiles is completely different than interacting with someone in real life. You will probably find that someone's personality, intelligence, sense of humor, look in their eye, way they dance etc, etc. make them much more attractive than simply seeing an online photo. I am amazed at some of the terrible pictures people display. Take them with a grain of salt. I believe you can be too picky. You are not looking for a spouse. You're looking to try something different and have fun. I've played with some men who initially I thought, "no." When we started having sex it was amazing!! I am so glad I took the chance and will always remember the experience as being crazy hot! I have also played with people who I thought were Adonis and it was really lacking. You just can't know if there is chemistry until you are at least meeting in person. Sometimes you don't know until you're starting to play.