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We play in separate rooms, and prefer it, but not because we can't stomach the idea of our partner being with someone else. If that's the case, we probably should question if swinging is the right deal for us. No, we have no problem with being in separate rooms. It's kind of kinky actually, hearing the sound coming from the other room, or imagining whats going on in there. The thing I like best about it? The feeling that comes from knowing, in no uncertain terms, that Mr. intuition897 is his own person, and has autonomy over his own sexuality. It emphasizes that we are two individuals who are together by choice, and choice alone. There is no obligation to be together. This has a lot of meaning for us. I don't feel threatened by the idea of him expressing himself sexually - and privately - with someone else. I do not own him. I let him own that experience for himself, and he can choose to share it with me or not as he pleases. I just see this as part of the mystery of the person that he is, the one I fell in love with, and the one I want to know. But I respect his boundaries. I feel our commitment to one another, and our bond, runs at a very deep soul level. The crap of this world and its particulars are just dust on the surface; we'll experience it together, and then again in another lifetime, and another. He's my friend. The BS that happens in the here and now is of no consequence.

The "swinger or not?" game is remarkable for how frequently swingers play it. One wonders if vanillas ever play it. More than once we have found ourselves at a restaurant, spotted an especially well-groomed couple looking around and --seemingly mildly anxious--awaiting the arrival of another couple. When the second couple arrives, it's apparent that they have never met before. Now it could be a business meeting. It could be a plain vanilla dinner. But as the conversation gets animated, the whole thing looks and feels like a first date. We know. We have been one of those couples! It's easier to spot LS people in the company of other LS people. It's easier still to spot them at a house party...

Unicorns rule. You should be able to experience whatever you want.

This may not be practical in your case but we started MFM threesomes after a couples swap with good friends. My friends wife and I liked each other a lot, but we weren't as sexually compatible as I would have liked, so it evolved into mainly threesomes with my wife, me, and her husband. Over the years they split up, married other people, and our male friend's 2nd wife died. Through all of this we have remained friends with his first wife and her new husband who knew we had played together. Our friend's 2nd wife knew we were playing with him and had played with others before but given it up due to body self-image problems. We continued to play with him. After she died, we have become very close to our male friend. That has evolved into a poly relationship with him that satisfies all our needs. To put it in perspective, my wife and I are in our early 70s and our male friend is in his early 60s.

I do not recall seeing any profiles where the couple indicated that they were interested exclusively in masturbating in the presence of another couple. Have we had the occasional play date where somebody masturbated with the rest of us as an audience, or also putting on a masturbation show for them? Yup, that has happened a few times.

This discussion brings to mind the t-shirt that the nun from the Young Pope TV show was wearing when she answered the knock on her door after hours. It had "I'M A VIRGIN but this is an old shirt" printed on it. The only reliable way to distinguish a swinger while out in public is if the person is wearing a t-shirt that has "I'm a swinger" printed on it. And yours is not a naive question. The same question came to my mind during the period of time that my wife and I were starting our investigation of the lifestyle.

My hubby and I both had Lifestyle experiences in our previous relationships, and found that MFMF was a good fit for us.. Started one day at a Nudist resort in California, where we met another couple who commented on our dark all over tans and then invited us to come to an oil orgy they were into, plus some weed got us turned on more. Laura and Dave

I definitely would play with both the male and female of the right couple. However sadly I wasn't attracted to him. Can't wait to go back. Thinking about hitting a club in NYC real soon.

I'm glad you had fun! It sounds like you may have snuck a little past your limits in the playroom, but it also sounds like you were perfectly happy with the way the evening worked out. And you have new friends already! Do you think you and the guy might play a little next time?

That's perfect glad you had a good experience.

One thing you might try is visiting a clothing optional or nudist venue. Most nudists are not swingers, but it is a good place to meet and become friends with people who have no hangups about nudity. That in itself is very exciting. That is what my wife and I did. We became nudists in 1973 and had no idea about becoming swingers. We just wanted to be able to enjoy walking around nude outside. It was a very small membership conservative nudist park, but even there, there was sometimes a bit of sexual energy. I was at the park one Sunday evening. My wife and our baby were visiting her parents in another state. Another couple we knew fairly well and I were the only ones at the park. We were in the dimly lightly clubhouse. We were all nude. I was sitting on one couch and the other couple was sitting on another couch across the room. The other couple started making out and ended up having sex across the room from me. That was the most exciting thing I had seen up to that time in my life. It also seemed like such a natural thing. I still wonder what would have happened if I had made a move to join them, but I was not ready to take it that far. After they finished, I had to drive to the airport to pick up my wife and baby son. They asked to come along with me to the airport, so we all picked them up. My wife and I lived 80 miles away so we parted with the other couple at the airport. On the drive home I told my wife what had happened and she was turned on by it too. We never did have sex with the couple, but that experience did lead to our finally swinging with a couple about 10 years later. In 1980 we moved to Maryland and joined a nudist club as soon as we got there. We met a couple and became good friends. We started getting together with them on a weekly basis at either their or out house. We were always nude when we got together. We started flirting with them and about 6 years later they seduced us. That was the most wonderful experience my wife and I had ever had. When we woke up the next morning, we asked each other, "Did that really happen?" That was about all my wife and I were able to talk about for the next week. What was really amazing was that neither my wife nor I saw it coming, but we both knew we wanted it without even asking each other. It was a wonderful turning point in our lives.

We often play maybe, maybe not, hope not in airports and other places. But the only way to know for sure is to ask.

Darn it, didn't make it in time (stupid delay in Denver). Maybe next time. So, how did it go?

Interesting, I'll have to keep it in mind. I hope you have a great time there tonight! And do let us know how it goes.

She may even need to bring a friend to this thread, eh?

Take a friend (even if vanilla) with you. Will help to shield you from wolves.

At a club one evening, I was chatting up a single-woman (S) while my wife was dancing with some other people. S and I started to get hot and heavy and I invited her to a room, she accepted, I told my wife. When we got there, she asked when my wife would be coming along. My wife isn't bi, so I told S that she wasn't. I then got from S, "Well, if it's not a threesome with her, I'm not interested." Okay, her life, her way, we wound up not playing. But I wished I'd known that before we headed back to the room.