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Id like to comment on this post. I am one of the guys that struggles with this. I can get hard for my own wife without a problem, but, struggle with anyone different. It's incredibly heartbreaking to a guy and me. Especially since couples are hard to come by. The opportunity don't exist often. I thought alcohol might be the concern, but, we gave up drinking and the concern still exists. The problem is psychological. Clubs are challenging environments. Your put on the spot to perform. A new partner is a total mystery. You don't know her expectations. If she will enjoy you. Guys need to have confidence for their penis to work. If you can't relax, you won't get hard. It's hard to relax with new partners. I've even had my penis not get hard on cialis and Viagra. The scenario is a recipe for failure until a guy acquires the confidence. Some never do. I am afraid I won't either. I am getting to the point where I may no longer look for a female to play with. I'll just enjoy guys doing my wife. I never fail to get hard for this scenario. I hate this as I feel I am being left out. But the frustration of disappointing the lady is adding up. So, ladies please be understanding. You may be disappointed. But I bet not as much as the guy is. It is something he has to deal with long after your done playing.

No worries. Your bad attitude will never come close to how the guy is feeling about himself, as a baseball bat inside is head is destroying what is left of his now defunct male pride. Well, at least until his next boner.

Nailed it. Most couples just never reach this level of intimacy and openness in their relationship. I knew that I could NEVER mention this to my ex wife...what she would hear is 'I want to have an affair...either with or without you'. Very few couples achieve the closeness needed to be able to start the conversation. Even less are willing to suggest swinging because of the taboo associated with it (allowing your spouse to have sex with other people...isn't that cheating?). By asking others who have already been over this ground, they get the support and suggestions on how to proceed without the judgement that comes from society. I don't mind people asking or helping others get to where they can talk more open and freely to their SO...even if they never take another step towards swinging, it will almost always help strengthen their relationship and that's never a bad thing.

I think part of it is the fear you mention. I think part of it is wanting some advice on how to talk to their SO about a difficult topic. However, even more than either of those, I think there is a very basic human need behind such questions - the need for community. I think people posting such questions want to be reassured that they are not alone, that they are not crazy, that someone else out there has gone through this and come out OK. It's easier to stand in front of someone, take a risk and do a hard thing when you know that someone else - even if only a bunch of faceless strangers on the internet - has your back.

I guess I am one of the ones who asked this question. I am not married. I am in what I would say a serious relationship and living with my boyfriend. We are not officially engaged but live together. I am also younger than most on here and oh by the way, a female. I have read the many same questions as the OP and he said almost all are men asking how to get their wives to go along with swinging. My first dilemma was do I tell my boyfriend I cheated on him with a couple. After sleepless nights I did. It was my first time with a female, and to add my first threesome. Being a healthy 20something I have been with a number of guys in my life. When we took the step and moved in together I was ready to become monogamous. This 3some was not planned. What I found was that I enjoyed the experience, more for the female, my college friend, than being with a guy I just met. I told my boyfriend and he did get very mad and disappeared for a few days. He has since come back and he actually went to a party where my college gf was. Getting back to your question, I asked questions to you, anonymous people, who have some experience. It also let me think about what I want. It allows me to gather my thoughts, and ask myself the same questions that I am asking you. None of you know me or my relationship. I read your answers and took from them what I thought was relevant to me. I thought what I did was swinging and then what I saw was that I really cheated. I needed to read that. It put things in perspective. I accepted and had to face the consequences of me telling someone I love what I did. To some degree, the people who post on here are exhibitionists. We expose ourselves whether in words or in actions. I am not sure if we post to get answers or just for some self introspection. Now I ask, How do I ask my bf if he wants a 3some? LOL

Very common problem, I've tried to analyze this many times. I get hard with my wife ALL the time. I get SUPER hard with my wife when another man is introduced into the mix. but with other women I have a good erection probably only 30% of the time. I absolutely have to have a mental connection with the woman or there's a problem. Clubs are the WORST for me. One on one with a strange woman almost never works. I take Viagra, Yohimbine, DO NOT DRINK. it doesn't matter. If the brain is ready the penis will follow. For me, it's a matter of compartmentalizing my sexual function and trying to only be in situations that work for all involved.

Mr. Sexyhornycouple, most males on this site feel your pain. One never knows if it is going to work or not. We are older and most men have trouble performing at this stage. We've lately had fun with massaging, caressing, touching the other partner, then having sex with our own partners. It reduces worries about erections, disease transmission and pregnancy if premenopausal. My other suggestion is to swap at home, at a hotel or even in a separate room to avoid distractions and to keep focus. Most men have had this problem and I know how bad it feels. I've met some patient women and I commend those who are understanding.

In my husbands bosses office. During a Christmas party his boss was staring at me often and it was turning me on. I wore stockings and a garter belt to the party and there were a couple of times I made sure my stocking tops were shown. His boss suggested once I go with him to the coat room. I did not but dam it made me wet! So I was with my husband one day at his office and we were the only ones there. I said "I want you to fuck me in your bosses office" He said "But Dan might come in the office". My response was "If he does, He will cum for sure". I was wet and horny as my husband ate me and ate me. Then he bent me over his bosses desk and shoved his cock inside my now dripping pussy. I do not know how many orgasms I had but the entire time I was hoping his boss walked in on us because I wanted his tongue and cock both and I would have gotten both. Even today I masturbate thinking about it.

I am a big supporter of Viagra and Cialis. One at a time, of course. I am also a proponent of kindness and sympathy to the guy with erection problems. It is a disappointing experience and a little kindness and patience often pays off in a revived member.

Last night we met a hot couple that we hit it off with and proceeded to head of to a private room to play. These guys were all in, had been drinking and I think they(not us) smoked a bit of weed, and were talking up a good game. Well he wouldn't get hard. I mean the entire time. Super sexy time is going on, and he's got some kind of whiskey dick. We had a good time but a lot of attention was spent trying to get this guy going. This was just never going to happen. My attitude is you should watch what you are doing if you're meeting for sex, don't drink and get high so you can perform in the bedroom. So I must admit I am left with a bad attitude with this couple that this was an issue at all? The thing is, this is not an uncommon occurrence for us. We are guessing either 50%-60% of the time the guy can't get it up. Nerves, whiskey, I don't know. So after last night I told my wife after ten minutes or so of trying, forget it and come over and play with me. I was wondering: Are other people running into this issue? Should I have a bad attitude with this couple? The did not appear impaired, anyway to 'screen' for this? Does our reaction 'Hey ten minutes with the guy and then forget and play with me'? Seem OK? It's just happened so often our patience is over. As always any other thoughts on this would be appreciated

When Laura and I lived in Europe, SW PA Couple, our favorite vacation place was the Island of Ibiza (Spain). We toyed with the idea of printing matching t-shirts with "WE SWING!" printed on the back but, sadly, never acted on the idea.

We've had this question and have played the "are they, aren't they and we hope not" game. We interact with other couples for our business in vanilla contexts, and recently the wife of the couple mentioned they had booked a vacation at resort for later this summer. We asked which one, and she kind of said "Maya or something like that, I'm not real sure." This is a couple that we have often thought fit that "chances are good profile". We are thinking that she knew exactly what resort ( Maya, aka Desire Mexico), but we guess she could also be one who lets the other partner take care of such things and just goes along. Buuut, we think she knew exactly and was trying to cover herself.

Not a dumb question. When my wife and I got into the lifestyle I'd say it was a very high % of married couples. Back then the lifestyle seemed to attract the over 40 crowd. Today I think it's much younger and maybe more singles. As far as making a marriage stronger? it had better be pretty strong before deciding to indulge in this type of recreation. We met many couples who probably shouldn't be doing this. There was a big misconception on my part before swinging that people in the lifestyle are well grounded, emotionally stable people with rock solid relationships, not always the case. It certainly can make a strong relationship stronger but it will also quickly turn a weak one into a disaster.

I think Lionheart has it about right. I knew group sex sounded appealing from my late teens. My high school sweetheart and I talked about it *a little*, experimented with voyeurism *a little*. In later early relationships, I just assumed that because this was widely regarded as something fringe and there was a strong social prohibition against it, that mentioning it would scare somebody off and that I couldn't trust them not spread it to their girlfriends that I was some kind of a creep, or at least that she wouldn't look at me the same way again. I know there's also a fear of escalation for some, that "I will suggest X and then my partner will want Y, and I don't know if I can handle Y". To put it another way, once you've had a nice Christmas dinner with her conservative Baptist Texan family, it doesn't sound like there's a good way to bring up a gangbang. (The irony is that the ex with the conservative Baptist Texan family liked it rough and said some of the dirtiest things I've ever heard in bed. *She* brought up group sex toward the end of the relationship, when I'd already lost all hope about a future, and I don't know why I never figured out she'd probably be receptive except I still thought it was just wasn't something that was acceptable to suggest. Had she taken the initiative and brought it up earlier, she'd have been spitroasted before she could finish the sentence.) "I really want to do this but I'm having a hard time imagining that my partner will receive the news well" is understandable. I'm less concerned about convention today as I've gotten a little older and am more concerned about just doing what we want to do and being happy, but it seems like a natural hesitation at first.

Welcome to the board! Great communication is the key to a successful marriage, whether swinging is involved or not. So, you're going to have to ask her what she honestly thinks about swinging when you are not in a sexual environment. Talk about it on your next drive together, or while enjoying a relaxing meal. She will need to feel that you aren't going to judge her in any way. Oh, and you probably will want to change your status on this site from "Single Male" to "Married".

Congrats on your great time. Don't rush too fast to the next level. Remember to only go as fast as the slowest person.

One year on a road trip, my girlfriend and I stopped for the night at a cheap motel. She was a hottie and dressed the part. The older guy clerk gave us the room next to the office and I am sure this was done for a good reason on his part.perhaps he even had a viewing hole of camera, but at least he expected to hear us making love. She was hot and horny all the time. I am talking about getting naked in the passenger side and fingering herself to numerous orgasms as we drove during the day even through major cities. Heels on the dash and masterbating type girl. When she did have clothes on during a trip, she wore a short dress and nothing on under it. One suck dress zipped all the way down in the front, so she could show a lot or a little. Since she had been masterbating in the car, she was still horny and got out with me to go check in wearing the black zipper dress and black heels. Since we were out of town and it was a small motel, she unzipped the front down to about her belly button before we went inside. Her 38 D breasts looked good and most of them were showing. The clerk could not stop staring at her. When we saw the room was next to the office it was clear we needed to give him what he was looking for. I wasted no time getting between her legs and licking her now soaked snatch. This made her scream with orgasm after orgasm. I mean she was loud and I loved it. After avid licking she begged for my cock and I entered her dripping pussy which only made her louder. No way she would have stopped for anything or anyone. We thought the clerk was likely jerking off and this only made it better and her pussy wetter.

This discussion brings to mind the t-shirt that the nun from the Young Pope TV show was wearing when she answered the knock on her door after hours. It had "I'M A VIRGIN but this is an old shirt" printed on it. The only reliable way to distinguish a swinger while out in public is if the person is wearing a t-shirt that has "I'm a swinger" printed on it. And yours is not a naive question. The same question came to my mind during the period of time that my wife and I were starting our investigation of the lifestyle.

So much of the key in seeing what couples are in the Lifestyle is their non-verbal behavior. My hubby and I are exhibitionists and when the weather is warm, wear minimal clothes and go barefoot. I like to stay braless in white tank tops, enjoying the comments and come-ons from both men and women here in Las Vegas. We share in public affections short of being arrested. Laura Laura and Dave

I agree with this sentence. I actually look for the hottest women for my hubby to hook up with. But then I am confident in myself and his love for me. Sounds like your wife is not.

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