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We finally had our first full swap last weekend. We had gotten into the lifestyle after I had confessed one night to Tiki that I would enjoy watching another man fuck her. We had started out with that finally this last weekend at hotel party we met up with another couple. I had seen her with another man but she had never seen me with another woman and we were both wondering how she would feel. Turns out she said she loved watching me with another woman and I thoroughly enjoyed watching her get fucked again. Looks like we're hooked!

Hey! My husband and I have been a part of the lifestyle for about a year now. I am taking a communication class for my BSN degree and I am writing an informative speech on swinging. We as a couple have come across lots of misconceptions about the lifestyle through the general public, family that believes it is wrong, and the media. My goal for my speech is to demystify swinging and the lifestyle in general. I want to include the history of the lifestyle and the reasons couples enter the lifestyle. I also want to show how strong communication, trust and respect are what makes swinging successful and how cheating is not swinging. What I'd like is for anyone who wants to, please respond with what made you and your significant other want to swing and what you do to make your relationship work in the lifestyle. Also what is one thing you wish the world knew about swinging that is commonly misunderstood. I appreciate all the comments in advance. I'd love to make this a memorable speech!

I've come to he right place for advice. Very encouraging replies so far. Thanks. I have considered the fact that I'm just not the swinger type. Don't buy it. From what I've seen, there is no "type". I also agree that I'm suffering from obsolete programming. Most of us are not brought up to pull our penises out in front of people we just met. In most circles that would be a bit rude. Conversely, in the right swinging situation it would be polite. Go figure. But, yes, I do believe that I need to reprogram myself a bit. That's what I need a little help with. Good points about degree of familiarity/comfort with partners. Normally, we meet people online (SLS/Fab). Exchange emails to eatablish attraction and compatibility, meet for drink a time or two, then set up play situation. It has at times seemed a little rushed. And, even though playmates have always been courteous, I have felt pressured on a few occasions, like play is just expected. Hard to have an organic and fluid experience when those types of expectations are there. I guess another clue to all this may be our most successful experience to date. We were naked in a hot tub full of swingers but really didn't get in there to play, just people watch and talk. There were various sexual acts happening but I really wasn't that turned on watching. Amused but not turned on. We ended up in conversation with a much younger Barbie/Ken couple- not really our type (never met or seen them before this). Surprisingly, we had a ton in common and had a great time just talking in a purely platonic way. Out of the blue, the other wife asked if she could play with my wife's tits (they are spectacular by the way). Why not. So here is this beautiful show going on inches in front of me. 10 minutes later we're in a cabana in a oral swap and finished with our own partners. Now, I was never really all in like I am when wife and I have sex but it was pretty good. The point of the story is that it was an organic experience. Just happened naturally without expectations. Maybe a few more of those experiences would help in my reprogramming. The problem is that we would have preferred to know a little more about the couple before that happened. So, how could I keep things organic and spontaneous without fucking strangers?

We found the thought of going down this path very intimidating to begin with, we weren't sure of anything, but we've taken things slow at our own pace , sometimes it's been my wife putting the brakes on and sometimes it's been me , but we're making the trip together. We had body image issues, neither of us liked how we looked all that much, but just a few months in and our confidence is sky high, it's an amazing thing for me to see my wife starting to be comfortable in her own skin, it really isn't just about the sex, going on this journey has already improved our relationship in every department.

I think it is awesome that you are going to use this subject for your talk. We started down this path only a few months ago and we are taking it slow but already we have discovered a lot of things that we wouldn't have imagined. Our main motivation was to explore fantasies together but as we've progressed a little it's become more than that, we love the dressing up, making an effort, the fact that it's our dirty little secret , we feel like 2 naughty school mates most of the time, a nice feeling for two forty somethings. I wish people on the outside looking in knew that we're not wierd or perverted, just normal people. I wish they could understand how much deeper I love my wife and that our love is still growing after 20 years together. I wish they knew how different it was to cheating, a big surprise for us was just how much cheating was frowned upon in the lifestyle. A lot of people on these forums often say how people in the lifestyle are some of the nicest people you will ever meet, we would like to echo that message, we haven't had many meets but so far everybody has been so amazing to spend time with. I wish people knew that it's not just about the sex, so far our adventure is going well and the focus has always been on us as a couple, our trust has developed greater than we thought possible, since we started sharing all our thoughts we feel like we are the absolute best of friends.

I remember seeing a poll here years ago which asked the question which would you prefer, FMF or MFM. Ok, the results are biased as it was all readers of this forum taking the poll But, among guys the answer was 2:1 in favor of MFM. Personally, I love MFMs as I love seeing my wife enjoy being the center of attention and having non-stop sex.

This is a good point. Where have your experiences been on this scale? Maybe if they have all been one way and that's not really working for you, then try changing it up. From the way it sounds, most if not all of your swinging has been of the events/parties type variety, and that's usually better for the jump right in style. Maybe focus more on finding couples online to meet two on two for dinner and drinks, and take a couple of dates to let things develop. Or, still use the parties to make that initial first contact with people you think you like, but instead of heading immediately to the club playroom, use that initial connection to try to schedule a followup meet with them when it's just the four of you. I think that may work out a lot better for you. I know that the more comfortable I feel with a playmate, and that is strongly tied to having spent at least some time together with the clothes on, then the smoother things usually go.

I've been in quite a few MFM situations, and it's never been an issue. Women last a long time if you warm them up right, so sometimes it takes more than one guy to get the job done!

If there is such a thing as a "get my wife to swing road map", then this is it. There's really no "get" to it though, it's all about just giving her (or him) the opportunity to decide for themselves in a way they feel safe about.

Hi mcluvin73 1st off you're not the 1st nor will you be the last to feel this way, so be at peace with yourself. It really is the mind doing it - some folks need to know people for a while before they can connect in a sexual way, others just jump right in lol. So I think you will need to pin down what triggers the mood change or lack off, do you feel you're some how being unfaithful to your wife? Or she with you? I'm not saying that's the case but feelings that block desire often have a base in security feelings. It could be anything, the above was just somewhere to start looking. When you have this (numbness?) to the other wife/SO a good trick (though it takes time) is to thank your mind for bring it up and then continue you on. You accepting the thought / feeling but not letting it control you is the 1st step to easing the tension/feeling or lack off. (because you can not undo it - so do not try and just accept that while you have these thoughts / feelings they only used to inform you not control you). But you may find that you are better at fantastic role playing then real life swapping and that's ok. Best of luck.

You HAVE TO BE ABLE to completely OPEN UP about EVERYTHING. It's not easy to do and it comes with making yourself extremely vulnerable, but if you want that from her, you must give it first. How do you make your wife more open to swinging? Trust her and tell her your fantasies and she will hopefully do the same (no guarantee here). But YOU have to take that first huge leap of faith. We all keep saying the same thing: You have to talk to her...not in the bedroom when your are having sex, but somewhere where you aren't playing and can be serious and honest. This is the only way to get to where you want to go. If you want to get there, we have shown you the road, it's up to you to try and take it, and then see if she comes along with you. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

and just keep talking to each other.

After reading this thread, I went thru the list of our lovers over the years. I can't think of a single one I'd want living next door to me. Not that there are arch enemies out there, just relationships that came and went. I think neighbors are simply too close for this. SO much that can go wrong.

Interestingly, I know no one who thinks that wanting to have a MFM means the guy is bi. My wife and I have done MFM frequently and the bisexual male contact has never even come up. Honestly, I wonder if someone pictures a MFM threesome, and immediately thinks of the two guys going at it, is that someone bi-curious themselves. Mind you, I am bi-curious and I don't think of two guys going at it in an MFM threesome, so whatever...

PADOC, You're my hero, thank you ;-)

You are correct, we do not know the man at all, by her own admission, she cant even remember his name. I had said to her, if that was one of the husbands that I know and trust, it would have been a very different story. Knowing the people we play with is a big deal to me. I need to know that the people we get into bed with are of good moral character and practice safety in the LS. He was brought in by one of the ladies I know the least so that also probably plays apart in the uncertainty. I do think there may still be some feelings insecurities and of being left out but they are certainly trumped but what I consider one of out most important rules. No strangers. I am so glad I came across this site. I posted this question on another site with no response. Not only that, the content of the other site seemed like it was run by teenagers based on maturity. You have all helped me quite a bit so far. Thank you all.