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So i got a spot the swinger story!! Often when we travel we will be at the bar at the hotel. There we certainly feel we have run into swinger couples, getting a little too drunk and flirty with each other at the hotel bar. Especially as I am often staying in more 'business' hotels that are close to deserted on a weekend, it can be a bit funnily indiscreet. This Saturday I noticed a threesome checking into a hotel room with nothing but liquor in the hands and giggly smiles.

Dan63 Again I want to apologize for the incovenience and thank you for providing enlightenment on the issue. I did not know MMF and MFM were seperate Acronyms and what I really meant was to discuss MFM! If it wasn't for you I'd have never known.

Define 'normal'. Seriously. A threesome is unusual in our society, but polygamous marriages are common in other societies. What is 'normal' has no proper definition. It doesn't matter what we think. What is normal isn't really important anyway. If, ultimately, you and your wife become swingers, polyamorous, what have you, that is your 'normal', and no one else gets to define it for you. I would encourage you not to live in a world that is defined by what OTHERS think is normal. If you do, you're permanently living in a cage, one defined by others. That's not a pathway to happiness. At first, it seemed not normal to be engaging in non-monogamy. Over time, this has faded, and non-monogamy is now normal for my wife and I. Taboo? Meh. Sure, in our society it's probably considered taboo. So what! If society doesn't know about it, so what? As an aside, and perhaps informative, I've seen various things that have shown that people are far more upset about the idea of a couple being non-monogamous with permission than they are about the idea of one or both spouses cheating. Cheating is more 'normal', less 'taboo' than swinging. Let's see, cheating is harmful, evil, destructive, duplicitous...any number of negative terms. Swinging is...loving, caring, sharing, enjoying. Hrmm...what is taboo again? Don't believe what society tells you. Believe what you tell each other. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. If a guy watches porn where a man and a woman are having sex, is the watching guy not straight because of that? It's no different if a guy is watching his wife have sex with a man. Doesn't make him less straight. As to why the thought is enjoyable? Oh wow. I've spent the past nine years trying to figure that out. I can't tell you. All I know is despite upbringing, social programming, and prior monogamous experiences throughout my life, watching my wife have sex is incredibly erotic. Seeing her respond to a man inside of her is absolutely exquisite. Hell, just TYPING about it gets me horny, and we've been doing this for nine years now! For my wife's part, she loves being the center of two men's sexual attention. She loves having sex and giving oral sex at the same time. It's her favorite thing. She loves having us play tag team with her, with me having sex with her, then the other guy for a while, then me, then the other guy... it's wonderful for her. Don't expect there to be an explanation, per se, as to why. If it is something that both of you are turned on by, it's something that may never be adequately 'explained'. Just revel in it. See answer above. It's a very different experience, and nothing in monogamous 1:1 sex can prepare you for it. MFM sex can't hold a candle to 1:1 sex. 1:1 sex can't hold a candle to MFM sex. They are different. There are many different experiences you can have in an MFM you could never have in 1:1 sex. I love kissing my wife passionately as another man enters her for the first time. My wife loves having both of her breasts kissed at the same time by the two of us. As mentioned, my wife likes having sex and giving oral sex at the same time. My wife enjoys laying with her back against me while I hold her, caress her, kiss her...while another man is having sex with her. As mentioned, she loves the tag team. With one (long term) partner, she goes bareback, and loves having both of us cum in her. She loves me watching her. When we first started doing this, she always wanted me interacting with her, holding her, etc. She still loves that but now she also really enjoys me just sitting back, maybe off the bed, and just watching her. Some inner voyeur or something. Some of the most intensely aroused moments in her life have been while engaged in an MFM. Every couple I've heard talk of it have had a big increase in their 1:1 sexual activity both before their first time and after their first time doing something in swinging. It is a very, very intense sexual stimulant. If you stay doing it, some of that wears off...but at least for my wife and I, never completely. Awkward? Maybe. Some guys have a hard time their first experience, with feeling odd being sexual in front of another man. Their erections might not be totally cooperative. I had this problem our first time. I really enjoyed the lady in question. She was fantastic! We really clicked, and had a lot of fun playing...but mr. happy wasn't completely cooperative. There was one other time where it was a problem, but that had more to do with the woman than awkwardness. She just wasn't my type in bed. With time, being sexual with other people around becomes 'normal'. See question 1... Oh hell yes, women fantasize about it too. In fact, there's a saying that women are really the ones that run swinging. If you think about it, this makes total sense. If guys were really running the show, few women would go along with it! Women are just as much into swinging as men are, and fantasize about it just as much. My wife doesn't participate in this forum, though we frequently talk about things on this forum. She's just not a computer type However, I'll offer this; send me a private message, and we can exchange phone numbers. My wife would be very happy to talk to your wife and share her experiences. We've done this before, to the great relief of couples who got to talk to actual, real, live swingers Seriously, it can be a great benefit, even if you never go down this path. I can say this; my wife had considerable trepidation before we got into swinging. Before I met my wife, I'd been involved for a short time with a woman who was married, and playing with permission. I was friends with both of them, and knew everything was on the up and up. I would not have had sex with her if she had been cheating on her husband. When my wife and I were dating, this came up. She was very upset about the idea, said it didn't matter if she was playing with permission, she was still cheating on her husband. I contradicted that, and we just left it as agree to disagree. Prior to nine years ago, I would have bet a zillion dollars that my wife would never...ever...ever...consider getting into swinging. It just wasn't going to happen. I didn't ask for it. I didn't really even consider it. I would have died a gloriously happy man if my wife and I remained monogamous, as I've been fortunate to find the perfect woman. Then one day...my wife said that one way in which having two men would be nice is by having two men massage her at the same time (she's addicted to massage). That started the discussion, and oodles of hours of discussion, research, question asking here, and talking over things over and over again, ...six months later we found ourselves playing with another couple. It was a very nice experience. We had our first MFM a few months after that, and enjoyed it. It wasn't perfect, but it was nice. A couple of weeks after that, we had an MMFM (yes, 3:1!) and one of the other guys was very good. My wife was intensely aroused, and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. She absolutely loved having sex with this particular guy. On the way home, she was all giddy in the car and said "Ok, NOW I'm a swinger!" Not that I was ever trying to 'sell it' to her, but she was absolutely sold. We've had many experiences since then, most of them MFMs. Only one, with another couple not an MFM, has been negative. See my answer to Q5 above My wife used to get butterflies before having sex with a new sex partner in swinging. She was nervous. That's gone away now. Now, it's normal, fun, enjoyable, and very fulfilling. The first few years we got into swinging, we went to a number of swinger clubs. We don't do that really now, though we're not averse to it. Now, we're into longer term arrangements, but certainly not opposed to more traditional swinging. My wife has been seeing her current lover now for about two years. This is our 'normal'. It's not taboo to us, but we know it would be to (most of; 2 know) our friends, family and employers. The sexual thrill of it all has never completely worn off. My wife still fantasizes about partners. Here's an idea I've seen offered before, to give your wife a tiny taste of what it might be like. While in bed with your wife, have her give you head while you use a nice penis shaped dildo on her. Encourage her to actively fantasize that the dildo is another man. Let her close her eyes and enjoy the thought, the fantasy, the possibility. Don't be surprised if she becomes wildly turned on, and finds it intensely erotic No, this isn't a way to 'convince' her and shouldn't be thought of that way. It's just a way to 'window shop', so to speak, to see what it might be like. You can ask as many questions as you like We will never turn you away. the people on this forum were very helpful to us when we first got into swinging, and over the years I've seen it be helpful to lots of other couples. Also, I'd like to point out that there are plenty of us here, myself included, who will tell you if you're barking up the wrong tree, headed in the wrong direction, whether red flags are going up, or even if we think you're just not compatible with swinging. Not everybody is. I would say that you should not be surprised if your wife changes her mind back and forth many times. She of course has the right to change her mind, even in the act of having sex. It's ok. There's no contract here, no obligation. Your wife seems very receptive to the idea, and that's a good first step. It's just a first step. You have a journey in front of you, one the two of you need to take hand in hand, whether it leads to swinging or not. Never try to rush her, just open doors. Be patient. One day passing is nothing. I know of some couples that have taken more than ten years to get to the point of inviting others into their bed. As mentioned, it took us six months. Your excitement about the possible fulfillment of this fantasy may be driving you too hard. Step back, relax, take a breath. Understand; sex is a very different thing for women than it is for men. For a woman, she is bringing a man physically into her body, inside of her. Most women do not easily separate sex from love, whereas most men have an easier time of that. I think because of this it takes more women more time to adapt to this thought than men. Not every woman is the same of course, and stereotypes fail on first contact with reality. For her part, she shouldn't agree to have sex with another man only because you have this fantasy. My wife is very much motivated by my desire for her to have sex with others, but it is not by any means the only motivation, or even the prime motivation. It's part of the whole picture. She loves how much I love it, and loves it more because I love it, but she would love it anyway even if I didn't love it (but still approved). Also, and I can't stress this enough, if you can't talk about this out of the bedroom while doing mundane normal day to day stuff, it's possible this is _only_ a fantasy, and might not be anything more. Even if that's all it is, just a fantasy, stop being disgusted by it. It is not disgusting at all, even if you act on it. What is disgusting is determined only by you and your wife. Some people find BDSM disgusting. Some think oral sex is disgusting. Some think having sex with the lights on is disgusting. Some think porn is disgusting. Don't live your life by other people's measures of what is "acceptable". Live it by _your_ measures and that of your wife's. Her having sex with another man isn't disgusting, nor is your wanting her to do so. My wife just said yesterday; when she is having sex with another man it is an act of love on my part, and on her part. It's true. By the way, my wife just stopped by and said "what is disgusting is cheating!" Feel free to take us up on the offer to talk on the phone. We are in earnest.

First, seeing that you are new to Swingersboard, I want to extend a sincere welcome. Second, you present good questions. 1. Is having an MMF threesome normal? How taboo is it? Neither MFM nor MMF are unusual. Very few members at this Web site would perceive either as taboo. 2. What is the enjoyment behind it all? Why does my husband enjoy the thought of it even though he is straight? Although I do not go out of my way to find it, I understand the attraction of MFM. Many women enjoy the attention of two (or more) men at the same time. 3. Is it more enjoyable than normal sex? Does two males really enhance it for the female in person? Is it more enjoyable than a man-and-woman encounter, no. But sex life is improved by occasional variety. So being a variant on the usual way boosts libido. 4. Does it enhance your sexual life afterwards? Only if both of you enjoy the activity. It does not sound to me like your wife is going to enjoy this. 5. Will it be awkward? Do other women fantasize about it too? Even if both of you decide that this is good for you, initial experiences can be awkward, usually owing to inexperience. Many woman have this fantasy. 6. Kindly share your experiences of an MMF threesome. Female feedback will be greatly appreciated, however males may feel free to share theirs as well. I have never experienced MMF nor do I have a desire to do so. I have experienced MFM and although I do not go out of my way to find it nor does my wife, it has been enjoyable for us upon an occasion. What concerns me is your statement, "I haven't stopped thinking about it since then." Obsession is not good. I suspect your wife is also sensing an obsession.

M and b, the advice you are getting is spot on. There really isn't anyway to know. You just can't know without being direct in some way, whether it be asking or by letting them know you are and seeing how they respond. A couple of quick stories... A very close family friend of ours had spent many years around us, over for dinner many times, lots of outings together around town, at the lake, etc. Our kids love him, and he's always been an honorary uncle to them. We'd been swingers for years, but he didn't know. He'd been dating a very nice young lady for a while, and confided in us that they were experimenting with opening up their relationship to others. He was excited, concerned, uncertain, etc. He told us things that were, frankly, the wrong way to about doing things. My wife and I discussed it in private, and we made a choice to tell him. We did so by way of giving him our copy of a book about swinging as a Christmas present. After the kids had gone to bed, we gave it to him. He opened it and the look on his face was priceless. He looked at me, looked at my wife and said "YOU? YOU TWO? NO WAY!" Much laughter ensued. He had not the slightest inkling we were swingers. The lesson; you've no idea about a couple. Two; I have a very close friend ("Jane") of mine from college, whom I dated for years in college. Saying we're very close doesn't describe it. We are very intimately connected to each other. I don't mean that on a physical level. We haven't been sexual for more than 20 years now. My wife knew about Jane early on, and I've always kept my wife in the loop about Jane as I always do about anything. My wife is perfectly accepting of Jane being this close to me. After a few years of swinging and having some long term partners, my wife has become comfortable with and suggested the possibility of reigniting things on a sexual level with Jane. I tried feeling Jane out over about two years of conversation, texting, in-person, etc. I was intentionally seed planting thoughts. I knew the sage advice from here; make friends of swingers, not swingers of friends. But, I thought just maybe with Jane there was a way. Over time, sexual banter developed between Jane and I, and at times it got fairly...shall we say, "warm". There came a time when it seemed appropriate to tell Jane that we could make love again, and my wife would be happy about it. In the couple of days leading up to telling her, all the signs were there. This was going to go ok. Still, I was uncertain. I finally did tell Jane, and her response was polar opposite to what the signals had all told me. This, despite being so close to Jane that I can instantly tell what she is feeling just by hearing a single sound from her, despite being very connected to her, despite being very soulfully intimate with her. I read her wrong. Lesson; it doesn't matter how well you know a person. You can't know unless you ask them or they tell you. There is jewelry out there that you can wear to demonstrate you are a swinger. There are necklaces and ankle bracelets for women that have multiple male and female signs on them, indicating multiple partners, and similar ones with "MFM" and "MFFM", etc. There are pieces that have "HW" on them ("hot wife"). There are similar bracelets for men and women. Those that are swingers will immediately recognize them, even if they haven't seen them before. You could get such jewelry and see how people respond. Put a search in for "swinger jewelry". You'll find something you like.

It is normal since, for me anyway, it has usually been the result of sexual chemistry. I'm now 61 and still remember vividly a few women...well 3 in particular, 2 ONS and one 3 week relationship where the skin contact was electrifying. Now I have been in the LS on and off since the late 70s..never with a SO that was very significant, so whenever my GF of the moment would after a swap be glowing because the male of the other couple had been amazing, it would not hurt my ego but definitely pinch it. The 4 women I had long relationships with(including my soulmate ex-wife) were against swinging and I knew a situation like the one you're in would have been very difficult for me to deal with. With these 4 women I was all-in emotionally, mentally and physically. In that mode it is impossible for me to separate sex from love and I can't imagine a random evening after a day of work watching TV with my SO and hear her tell me that the last few days she has been longing for that swap partner that I know she likes a lot.....even if she tells me that I'm still #1, I would wonder if she is not just trying to spare my feelings and that would have made sex with her not impossible but a huge challenge. I've known when in relationships that I was not the biggest cock, best looking guy or best body my GFs had been with, but because of my passion, intensity and very high sex drive I needed to feel like the one she would think of when getting horny. But when you start swapping the possibility of a very special connection for your SO with another partner exists and even if I know I'm number 1 in real life as the life partner, the one she chooses to share the highs and lows of life 24/7 with the bills, mortgages, maybe kids etc...knowing I'm not number 1 anymore in bed, in my ''all-in relationships'' would have been devastating. Now I suppose your husband is different, is not threatened by your feelings for that other guy, reads your posts and knows about this...and if I'm wrong let me know. By the way, if I had a dollar for every time I've read a swinger saying that a certain partner was not better but different then their SO, I would be living on a beach somewhere....to me it's a PC way swingers have found to spare their SO's feelings. I've been sexually hyper-active for 44 years...yes all the women were different in bed, but can I make a top ten list? you bet I can and the funniest thing is that with these 10 all-time best sexual partners I would rather have root canal treatment than be their bf! So now the question is are your feelings evolving? becoming stronger? do they have an impact on your sex life at home or on your couple? Do you see yourself spending a weekend or maybe spending more time than that with that man? You should look into this and be very very careful, feelings have a life and a mind of their own. Affective reactions defy reason and logic. Blaise Pascal, a French mathematician, physicist, inventor, writer and philosopher said: 'The heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of'

We have had a couple adventures, both as singles (open marriage) and a couple. Just seems to be too few and far between.

Have wrote, erased rewrote, then read this. it's going on three years since N cheated and there are still days where I look at him and say "I'm feeling mad about it...or I will tell him I am feeling insecure and need him to hold me and reassure me. it is with this kind of honesty that we have rebuilt our relationship, so no, you should not repress your feeling of mistrust, rather just state calmly that you are having difficulty at the moment and need extra reassurance good luck to you!