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On our second date, the late Mrs. Alura and I agreed to never become angry when a question was asked and promised that we would always answer honestly no matter how long the discussion took. When we decided to have children we simply extended that consideration to them. Our sons grew up knowing they never had to fear our reaction no matter what question they asked. When they discovered we were regulars on Swingers Board, they asked if we were in the lifestyle. Laura was quick to zero in on their major concern and explained that we had stopped swapping for months before she stopped taking "the pill," and we started trying to conceive, simply because we wanted to have no question as to their parentage. We didn't feel we were "in the lifestyle" since it was not that important to us. We sometimes swapped partners with other couples because it was fun, and we did it together. We explained the difference between "making love" and "fun sex." We explained that some people would not understand. Consequently, their discretion was needed. We never worried. They asked if we swapped with "John and Mary." Sensing a "teaching opportunity," I explained that, when I was a teenager, I went to a dance school which was really "Dating 101." Miss Skilly taught us that one question that should never be asked was, "Did you kiss her?" It was a lengthy discussion after that, but both went on to graduate high school and university with honors, and never got in trouble of any kind. One is involved in what seems to be a permanent relationship. The other says he hasn't seen enough of the world yet. I'd still rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it. "Honesty is the best policy," no matter how much easier one might think the alternative might be. When I visit Laura's grave, I thank her for our thirty years together and update her on "The Boys'" activities. I always seem to smile through the tears. Alura

Yeah, I am sure my daughter will eventually figure it out. She's really smart. In first grade reading at nearly a 4th grade level, highest marks possible and teacher never has anything but great things to say about her. Of course, since she is so young, maybe by the time she's a teen it will just be normal to her that we go out once or twice a month and she'll never question it. Either way, we will not volunteer the information unless directly asked. She knows she can ask us anything already, so I am positive it will come up at some point, but we'll deal with that when it happens.

I'll throw this out there: We know very few couples that have been swinging 10+ years that have kids that don't know. Children mature, become teen/adults, and some even develop excellent critical thinking skills. They figure shit out. Some figure it ALL out. Some figure out enough to know that "Something's up with Mom and Dad. Not sure what, but something". But everyone needs to accept the strong possibility that they will figure it out if you play this game long enough.

Two things: I need to feel you cum inside of me!! and Do you mind if my girlfriend here joins!! Ok so that last one I hope to hear soon

This is a perennial question. It depends on so many things. There are a couple of verities, however. 1. Once acknowledged, it can't be reversed. "Mom and Dad have special friends...with benefits." Nor can mom and dad do anything other than ask the child to be discrete. Being "outed" is a possibility. So the first question is "how mature and adult is the child?" In other words, can they keep secrets and do they understand discretion? 2. The real question is why you would want your child to know your sexual behaviors. Most kids think "Ewwww" when it comes to their parents having sex. We know we thought that of our parents. Yet our conception was surely not immaculate. There is a tension between being private and being truthful. What seems to matter most is how sexual matters are generally discussed in the home. Most homes, not only is sex private, but discussions of sex are closeted. Surely in such situations, swinging is just as closeted and needs to stay that way. What about the alternative? What about the home where discussions about sex were -- and are -- no different than discussions about politics or hobbies or the movies? The picture changes a little bit. Our adult daughter knows that we have special friends, knows the attend adult parties, and know that we have been on a lifestyle cruise and are looking forward to the next. Her view is that we are unique among parents --referenceing her friends--in that not only are we still married to each other, we are still madly in love and show it in so many ways. The question arises--she has asked--are "you two" (meaning us) so happy and secure because of your special friends? Or are you able to have those special friends because you are so happy and secure? We are pretty sure it's the latter. And while she has no ambitions at present to be in the LS--her current boyfriend is quite enough for her--she's paying attention to the fact that we _are_ content and comfortable with our sexuality.

I do not think that there are a lot of people her who advocate being disrespectful of their spouses. I actually like to think that SwingersBoard is a place that helps people to understand that it's not all about their own selfish pleasure, that couples are in the lifestyle together, and that communication, respect, and love are at the heart of a successful lifestyle adventure for a couple. Like Lionheart72, I fear that your impression may be skewed by seeing the posts specifically in forums where people come to discuss problems they're having. I think one refrain you may hear in those forums is that there is great value in trying to do the right thing by your SO. We should, of course, make every effort to avoid hurting each other, and toward being respectful and sensitive to each other. And I think you will read of people advocating this approach over and over throughout the forums. But another point you may see made from time to time is that we must, as fallible human beings, admit that sometimes mistakes do happen. Often, they are not intentional, premeditated breaches on the part of the offending spouse; rather, they are the result of the basic biological fact that a person's rational thought process is often not working at peak efficiency when they're in the throes of sexual arousal. This is not an excuse for ill-advised behavior, nor is it an endorsement of it. It is simply an acknowledgment that it happens sometimes, despite our best efforts to prevent it. Speaking for myself, I encourage people facing this situation to consider whether they have a good reason to trust in the basic goodness of their spouse, talk it over, explain the hurt feelings, understand the thinking of the offending partner, come to a mutual understanding of what happened, how things went wrong, and how to avoid a repeat-performance of the problem. I hope you can see that this is not in any way advocating for people to be disrespectful or hurtful. It is an attempt to help people to recover in a healthy way from a bad incident.

Yes. I think it's a matter of which forums you're reading. Most of the people who start threads in the Situational Help or Curious About Swinging forums (two of the most active) are either new or are asking questions about problem situations - because that's the nature of those forums. Since we only see a slice of their experience, usually during a problem or when blundering around in the dark, we aren't necessarily seeing posters at their best. This doesn't mean they are always like that, or even often like that. It just means that they're posting asking the rest of us to help them, most often because they find themselves in a place where there is trouble with their SO.

We have run into many couples that are respectful of their spouses and thrilled to see them happy. We see very together couples who communicate well with each other and ultimately us. We have seen train wreck couples and we run the other way. But the majority of couples we have met appear to be very respectful of each other, their relationship and us. More so than vanilla couples who have never had to tackle the challenges of the lifestyle.