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"uncommon but not unusual" - I think that's a great way to describe the condom for oral sex issue. Will it cost some potential playmates that won't be interested if a condom is required? Likely, but your rules are your rules, and it's worth the wait to find playmates where everyone is in sync with everyone else, and rules are at the top of that list. I suspect the key for her is going to be attraction. When she finds a guy she is really attracted to, and he to her, then pure desire is going to kick in and some of the things that seem like barriers now are going to fall. It's one thing to be thinking of something as a hypothetical, at that point it's just the coldly analytical part of your mind thinking. When you get in the right moment, then all your senses and all parts of your body get involved, and that changes things. Notice the consistent theme above of being in sync and mutual attraction. Those cannot be overstated, without them it is nearly impossible to have a great swinging experience, especially when first starting out. So, go to the club, have a great night out together, but don't go with any expectations that might bring the temptation or feeling pressure to cut some corners and hope for the best. That rarely if ever works out well. It's great you are talking about the what-if's together, that's really important, but even when you think you have a what-if totally worked out, just make sure to let it happen, not try to make it happen.

Don't really know where to begin, so many things happened during our cruise. Prior to going, we chatted with about six couples on SLS and SDC, and unfortunately we didn't get to meet with any of them, with the exception of one. It just didn't feel right (due to our zero experience) to try and connect with any. But my husband and I had discussed that will meet with anyone of the six if they would make contact. So we ran into one couple that we had chatted on the first day, but that was a negative experience during our dinner. In our inexperience during this cruise we found out the difference in so many swingers' styles- some good, and some not our style (who are we to judge). We know of a few that did not shock us, but this one particular couple was pushy, and the guy was a little disrespectful toward his wife. We noticed one of the common questions from meeting couples was "what drove you into the lifestyle?" So we asked (note that we are sitting with two couples), and what this couple said surprised us. His wife said she couldn't keep up with his sexual appetite, and you could tell she wasn't happy about it. Now in our minds that sounds like taking one for the team. So we got asked the same question, and my husband replied that nothing in this world turns him on more than his wife, and he can only take me so far (I was flattered). But then the guy from this couple said, "BS- it's because he is tired of you"!! Regardless of whether it was a joke, that is something you do not say to a couple trying this for the first time. I will admit that this set me off with my husband and went off on him when we got back on our cabin. My husband got upset and told me that we are not here for anything but ourselves, and "after 20+ years of being married, why would you listen to a complete stranger?" He reassured me that we have no expectations and to just enjoy the sexy atmosphere. So we decided to go to one of the parties. In the back of the ship they had a party in the open air with beds spread out around the dance floor. I can't explain how sexy it was to be dancing with my husband with all these couples, some in orgies, some one on one- it was very erotic! I was dressed as Snow White in a vey sexy outfit, and my husband was in a Prince Charming outfit. In the middle of dancing, he pushed me to a couch in between two couples, and started going down on me OMG!! Totally unexpected. My husband is very conservative so this was very surprising, and this was our first time doing this in public. I was so turned on that I squirted all over him. I tried to return the favor but he wasn't comfortable enough for that so we took it to our veranda. The next day I decided to try one of the many M&G's during the cruise, this one was done by a very well-known sex therapist, and was an under-45 crowd (at least it was supposed to be, we had maybe 3 couples that you could tell were well over the 60 mark). No worries from our end until I got to one of them. I'll explain how this M&G was set up. We had about 40+ couples set up in 2 circles, one inner, and one outer circle. The inner circle would rotate and meet with the next couple in the outer circle for about ten minutes each, and rotate again. During this rotation (with my husband next to me), we would engage in eye, smelling, and touch contact with the other couple. In one of the connections with a nice looking couple, my husband got really close to this couples wife that she started making moaning sounds, and you could tell she really connected with him. This was good for him and bad for me, because her husband was ether so turned on, or had a green eye of seeing his wife enjoy my husband that he totally ignored me, and just stared at his wife. Funny thing is that I got so turned on by the whole process that It didn't bother me that he was ignoring me. So after a few rotations, we reached this other couple that we both connected with, and he was very nice and warned me of the next rotation with the elder couple- that he has heard nothing but complaints about the husband. Sure enough when we reached the next couple, he stuck his tongue in my ear, and asked if he could kiss me. I firmly said no, and pushed him off. After the circle completed, some couples stayed chatting but we quietly decided to leave, talking about our experience, and laughed at the situation. The next day as we walked around the pool the one couple that warned us came up to us saying they been looking all over for us, and even went back asking the sex therapist if they knew our room number. After chatting a little we made arrangements to hang out during the theme night as we had already made dinner arrangements with a different couple that night (that is another story). So we meet the couple at the glow in the dark theme night. We had a blast after a little dancing and a few drinks, so I decided to ask if they wanted to hangout in our room, and have drink in the veranda with no strings attached. We were not expecting anything. They said yes and went to our room. I cannot recall how things got started- but they did, and really fast! The couple knew we had zero experience, so we kinda let them lead the way. Funny thing is we never discussed our comfort level or boundaries, but my husband and I had already decided we would be full swap with the right connection. We had agreed that if we started on soft swap and things would get hot, then we would have something we can hold against each other (in our opinion, we waited to jump in the the LS until we felt comfortable enough to do full swap, and thought that soft swap means we're not ready and had trust issues). So back to the story. We have no experience whatsoever, and I have never been with a woman. Well, it got started with me kissing the other girl. It felt so natural that we took it to the bed and gave the boys a hot show. She went down on me, and I returned the favor (now I know why my husband loves the taste of a woman). After that, we asked the boys if they wanted to continue watching or are they going to join in- the clothes came off quickly. I started with a BJ with the other couple's husband, and his wife was doing the same to mine. Afterwards they returned the favor and I started kissing the other girl as the husbands were eating us out. Not sure how the full swap started with so many hands and bodies touching each other, but I definitely recall grabbing the condoms. I gave one to the guy who had his cock rubbing in between my ass and I remember putting the condom on my husband and guiding it into another woman. As I kissed my husband, the other guy starts pounding me from the back. Here I am kissing my husband as he is fucking another woman, and her husband is fucking me from behind. OMG this was so erotic! After soo many positions, the guy cums inside me (with condom of course). My husband pulls out of her, takes the condom off, and cums all over the wife. I then cleaned her up with my tongue and gave her a kiss, swapping my husbands cum into her mouth. As they were leaving my husband apologized for any boundary that might have been crossed, as we never discussed it. They LOL and said everything evolved so naturally that we all had the right connection. My husband replied, "you know you popped our cherry, and thank you for the awesome time". Afterward we tried to discuss the events that just took place, but couldn't keep our hands off each other. We must have done it at least 7 times during the night till 6AM. We have never felt closer to each other. The next day we played once more, and this time it even got hotter as my husband asked if the wives wanted to play together without an audience, and we both agreed. Our cabin had 3 sections- the veranda facing the back of the ship, the living room, with a sliding door to the bedroom. So as the boys were talking in the living room, us girls headed to the bedroom. WOW! I can honestly say I enjoyed the wife more than her husband, only thing missing was toys. We did just about every position possible. After a few orgasms we talked and agreed to give the boys some attention. So we went into the living room, and the boys were sitting across from each other. We went first to her husband, took off his pants, and gave him a double BJ as we are kissing each other. We then proceeded to my husband and did the same favor. After that, we took them both to the bedroom. My husband asked the wife if she would sit on his face (he loves the taste of a woman), and she agreed. Her husband was fascinated with my ass, and bent me over and started pounding me even harder then before. I looked at my husband and saw that she was really enjoying riding my husband's face. So I took my husband's cock in my mouth as her husband kept pounding me (my first time having two cocks in me). After many different positions, we switched to our own partners, as I was riding my husband the other guy pulled out of his wife and came all over my breasts and face. I then proceeded to clean his cock with my mouth. At the same time his wife started cleaning my breasts and face with her tongue, and made me taste her husband as I made her taste mine the previous night. We stayed in the bed, while the other couple went into the living area. My husband started playing with me, and we started all over again as the couple said good night. This time we kept count, and my husband had 10 orgasams that night (can't keep count on mine as I can be multi orgasmic). Needless to say, we got a first option on the 2019 April cruise and already reserved a cabin. It's a bit far out, but we are also looking into the November 2018 cruise. Some couples have said that your first time can be like a magnifying glass- we can truly say that is true!! We never felt so in love with each other. A lot more stuff happened in the cruise, but we just wanted share our first full swap experience. What worked for us may not work for some, but in our opinion, it is about the after effects that makes this lifestyle so special. We both kept checking on each other. But me and my husband have that connection that we can feel, and see what we are both thinking without saying a word, and all we felt was pure bliss from both sides. Thanks for hearing us out on our first lifestyle experience.

The comfort level was a *huge* stumbling block for Mrs. EastInWest, it turns out. She'd been in a relationship for a long time and "strange cock in her mouth" had kind of gone by the wayside. Once she was over it, she was fine, but she needed a couple she knew well to get her started.

Ah yes , I think you hit the nail on the head about attraction, so far for us attraction has been a stumbling block as far as my wife is concerned, I think it is 2 things really, firstly the guys we have met haven't really been her type, bald heads and beards aren't really her thing and I'm not sure if it's an age thing or a fashion thing but nearly everybody in our club had a bald head and beard lol. Secondly I think that maybe attraction for her needs to be a little bit more than aesthetic, I think she needs something else , like it would help if the guy had something interesting about him or his personality, most guys up to this point have let their wives do most of the talking , almost like they're trying to play it safe and not screw up the flirting stage lol, if we meet a dashing , confident guy who's not afraid to put himself out there I think things could change

My wife says the same thing, when we are playing at home alone and we fantasise about her sucking someone else's cock she loves it, but when it comes to us talking about actually doing it she says she's not sure she could. I know my wife very well and I'm pretty sure she wants to do it but is scared of what I will think. Maybe not what I will think right there and then in the moment (she knows how much it would turn me on, I have reinforced this over and over), but the next day, the following week, or in 10 years. She is worried that it will change something in our relationship, this is a good sign , or at least that's the angle I look at it from, she is trying to protect what we have, meaning she must value what we have already very highly. I'm sure she will come round eventually, her stance on it seems to soften a little every time we fantasise about it, it seems to help when I'm very vocal and specific about it when we're having sex, like she'll suck on my fingers while we're fucking and I'll say "I really wish you were sucking someone's cock , suck it like a cock babe" this drives us both over the edge and she seems more open to talking about it afterwards. Another thought I have about this is that while I've been fantasising about it for years , she has only recently found out that it is a turn on for me, so I've had longer to become comfortable with the idea of it, longer to get my head around it. I feel the same to a lesser extent about going down on a woman, I kind of need my wife to tell me it's what she wants , otherwise I get worried about how she's feeling about it as I really don't want her to feel bad. But we are just starting out and we will just keep edging out into deeper water at our own pace. I think the condom thing is uncommon but not unusual, at the end of the day just play by whatever rules you're both comfortable with, as long as you let the other couple in on what your rules are (which it seems you are) it then becomes their choice if they want to play or not, sure it might limit your number of potential play partners a little bit but same goes for any other preferences people have.

I think if you want to be taken seriously when posting pictures, make sure you post a picture of the both of you together with clothes and in a normal setting. How many times do you look at a profile picture and it's a selfie bathroom picture or the wife in a sexual position. If all you have are nude sex pictures we just pass you by. We rather you didn't post any pictures. Dick and crotch pictures say absolutely nothing. Don't want to paste a face picture? Then crop the picture. If you post ONLY pictures or him or her alone we feel maybe you aren't a couple. In today's world it is so easy to take a couple picture. I am not saying the nudes are bad, just you should have a nice g rated picture to go with it.

Would you like to share a patent on something like this? You have expressed what we are thinking. We like to check the teeth before we buy. Oh, that's for horses! We too look for types. It might be superficial but you can tell more by a picture of a clothed person than a nude picture. We already know you have sex so showing a sex act shows nothing. Contradicting our own thoughts, some people look better fully clothed but this really being superficial. If and when we meet and get to the point of going further, I find undressing and seeing someone for the first time is an exciting part of what we do.

Been there done that when the oldest kids were in High School as we were going on TV. They never made a big deal about it, and our married daughter says we are the normal parents (Who would have thought.) The trick in our mind was to be consistent, we never said "no sex". What we did tell them was that sex did not mean love and that they should be careful and that the order of things was important: Graduate HS, Graduate College, Get Married then, children. Seem this they all heard. To date none are swingers but they know we are and as our daughter told us after visiting us at a hotel take over, when she was in college (not to take part but so we could take her out to dinner and spend some time with her) "It's just a Frat party for adults.

Thanks so much for the update! It's always great to hear how something turns out (even if it is a little delayed), especially when the outcome is positive. Christian upbringing can (and does) cause the same problems. There's a a thread here somewhere that was talking about religion and swinging...search ought to find it for you. It's always easy to say that what you are doing shouldn't feel wrong (look how many Old Testament marriages were to multiple wives and even the New Testament was filled with bath houses...what was Mary Magdalene's profession? {arguably this is a debate topic}) but years of being taught otherwise makes this difficult. Just give her the support and backing that she needs and don't push...let her move at a speed she is comfortable with (since it's been two years since your first experience before even thinking about the second, that speed is rather slow but that's okay). It will become easier for her...and you as you progress. Looking forward to hearing about your next experience and just hope that the follow up is just a bit quicker this time. Continued good luck on your journey!

In many ways for a woman, oral sex can and is more intimate than 'just sex'. Then there is the fear that he might just 'accidentally' cum in her mouth. Just be up front about her requirements and let her proceed at her pace. It took quite awhile for the trust to be developed before Ms. Gold knew that there wasn't going to be a problem with either of us or our play partners giving her a 'surprise'. Now it's fine and everyone understands what is and isn't expected and allowed. No rush, no pressure, no problems...

My hat is off to the couples that are completely open about the lifestyle. I have some friends who got "outed" due to their having a website, back in the day when normal people ran their own websites. They came out to their parents and children as swingers. It was rocky for them at first, but they seem to be among the most open and happy people I know. I can't imagine having that conversation though!

As usual, cplnuswing is spot on. I think most of us that have been in swinging for a long time can report that while we might have started out with a ton of rules, those rules tended to melt over time. So too do inhibitions. Swinging isn't what we're "programmed" to do. It takes time to get used to it. The first time there's a ton of anxiety. The next time, a little less. Like cplnuswing reports, if your wife is really into the guy, things will change a bit. My wife had that reaction with the second guy she had sex with in swinging. We had a couple of soft swaps first, and got somewhat comfortable. The first guy after that which she actually had sex with was ok, not bad, not great. The second guy she was over the moon happy to be having sex with him, completely into it, inhibitions completely gone. She was very attracted to him, which I think made a huge difference. I also agree that you shouldn't go into a swing club with the expectations of doing a specific thing. Just go with the expectation of having a good time, a fun evening. Just let it be. If I remember correctly...could be mixing couples here..but you are traveling out of country to go this club? That could have the effect of layering on too many expectations. Be conscious of that. As for it being a turn on for you and her struggling with understanding that; I can't tell you why, but yes it is an amazing turn on. I've been trying to answer the question of why it turns me on so much to see my wife with another man. I can't. I've just come to accept that I really, really enjoy it. It's a major turn on for me. Always has been, probably always will. It's not surprising to me that you think you would be turned on by it as well. I think most swinging men enjoy watching their wives with another man. Not all perhaps, but most.

I know that I am not female. Consequently, I will not answer. But if you will allow, I will interject. There is a woman whom I sometimes encounter at a swing club north of us. She wants that I wear a condom for penetration or oral. I do not think of this as weird and I have a suspicion that the other men with whom she plays do not think of her requirement as unusual. The sensations are very little different from oral sex without a condom. But I believe that experience, skill, and enthusiasm for giving oral sex are important. Probably just coincidental, but she's Scotts.

I'll throw this out there: We know very few couples that have been swinging 10+ years that have kids that don't know. Children mature, become teen/adults, and some even develop excellent critical thinking skills. They figure shit out. Some figure it ALL out. Some figure out enough to know that "Something's up with Mom and Dad. Not sure what, but something". But everyone needs to accept the strong possibility that they will figure it out if you play this game long enough.

I agree that what parents/Adults do on their time is really none of their children's business. Especially if they also interact with their playmates in the vanilla world (i.e. family barbecues, parties, etc.). That is just asking for trouble, for them and their kids. Them because, let's face it, unless it is something they don't want their parents to find out, kids are hard pressed not to tell a secret to their BFF(s). And then their BFFs will tell their BFFs and so on, until somewhere down the telephone game line, it happens across a child whose parents are not swingers, and then Kaboom! for their kids because when the telephone game hits the wrong kids, they are going to have a hard time in their social groups, especially in the teen years (those little buggers can be really cruel and relentless). We had a situation (since we haven't had the opportunity to meet the right couple to be more than friends with) where our teenage daughter (late teens) discovered a few adult toys by accident. That talk kind of went like: "We are older, yes, but we are not dead, and these toys just help add a little spice or fun to keep our physical relationship fresh and exciting". Upon which, she said, "Oh, I knew what it was.. my friend (when she was in 5th grade at the time)used to sneak her mom's out and run into the bedroom and say see what I found in my moms room! So i assume it is pretty common". Fortunately she didn't discover the whips chains and leather mask.... lol just kidding we're not into BDSM (not that there is something wrong with that, just not our bag).

Too bad it didn't work out with that couple, but we view swinging as a team sport, our team, their team. Sometimes we'll allow a pinch hitter or a pool player but ONLY with the other team's knowledge and consent. It has happened to us on several occasions when the other husband has tried to join us on the sly or get Mrs Doc to play alone. The answer is always an emphatic no.

I think when things get overwhelming, humans have a tendency to first let slip the things we are most familiar with and that we take for granted even though we know we shouldn't. I don't know why that is, but you see it over and over in lots of things. It's not healthy though, and it's certainly not your fault. What I would try to do is to make more time for both of you. I know with job and family demands that can be difficult, but even a few extra minutes here and there is a start and something you can build on to start to dial back the crazy and get back to a more healthy life balance. Do things together that are fun, but not necessarily swinging. If by mutual agreement swinging stays a part of the fun, then that's fine, just don't make it the only fun. Knowing just what little we do about the situation, my guess is he is badly in need of "escape". Not from you, although I can see how it feels that way, but from life in general, and those opportunities are coming far too infrequently. Swinging can certainly be an escape, but it's by no means the only escape, so try finding some others that are an escape for you both and that you can enjoy together and then mix things up some. In terms of getting desensitized, I can't say that has even happened to us. Swinging isn't an every weekend thing for us, not even remotely close to that, so we've never really been in a situation where that problem could even arise.

I will add more of my thoughts later but for now, briefly: • Yes, this is a reason for concern. • You are not the reason for the problem.

Hey every! Daniel here of Nikki & Daniel from Swing. (let me know if you need some kind of verification.) (For those who haven't made it all the way through, we appeared on a total of 11 episodes, newbie +10 more, and had an amazing experience throughout. We met some truly incredible people and learned far more than we ever could have imagined.) First, let me start by thanking everyone that had positive thoughts and experiences with the show. Even after everything we've done it's still a bit surreal when we hear other people talk about it. There were definitely highs and lows with every experience so I'll see what I can do to give you guys insight on what we went through pre-production. 47 minute episodes start as 48 hours worth of footage. For every sex scene you see, there are at least 3 cameras going to capture the fun. That being said, ALL of the angles that Playboy publishes are going to be the best angles because they want a sexy show. Everybody has a sexy side (and a less than sexy side), regardless of their Shrek & Fiona or Ken & Barbie body types. Capturing sexy angles is 100% the intent of the sexy scenes. Early seasons were trying to pull anyone who was interested in because everyone was apprehensive about the sexy angles thing. As the show developed a bigger pool of former cast, the body types were less important and the personalities received greater attention. It still needed to be sexy, but there's a story that has to shine through the collision of bodies as well. Swing itself is part of the "TV for 2" lineup of programming. The intent of that programming is to get couples to watch together, regardless of whether or not they are interested in swinging. The days of meaningless genital mashing together are disappearing in favor of context, meaning, realism, and the ability of the viewers to relate to the show. Yes, it is a reality show, but it is not intended to showcase drama like prime time/mainstream channels have trained us to expect. If drama happens, EVERYONE hopes there's some kind of peaceful, loving resolution because it's NOT sexy when real emotions cock block everyone. haha Here's where it gets dicey because there have been a lot of accusations in the past that we're a bunch of porn stars acting for the show. I can confirm that there were people on the show that had done some porn, but they were not hired to be porn stars. 99% if the couples that appeared on the show had no previous experience in porn or on a show exposing themselves like that. All of the relationships are real, not actors. A few have, unfortunately, moved on/separated/divorced. A lot of us are still living semi-boring, day-to-day lives that aren't really affected by our appearance on the show. As far as future episodes... Swing has ended. I know the show creators and executives want to do something swinging related in the future, but there are lots of behind the scenes uncertainties that doesn't allow them to do much production. However, Nikki & I managed to get a new show, titled Toyride. We will have some friends join us, and we'll end up talking about the swinging lifestyle stuff and Swing show quite a bit. So be on the lookout for that. Holy crap, I've gone on this long winded diatribe for no reason. haha. To answer the question: I think my favorite episode would have to be either Al & Sparkle's newbie episode or our own newbie episode.

That kind of small-mindedness really grinds my gears, when people will so quickly judge something they think they know about. Do they know everything? Nope, and they don't care. They know "enough". We're from a pretty conservative part of the world. Not quite as extreme as the bible belt, but certain things just aren't discussed around those parts. Threesomes are one of them. I don't think people are necessarily naive or inexperienced, but nobody would admit to it on pain of death. I don't think I could live in a part of the world where my people took it upon themselves to "correct" you like that, essentially shoving their belief system down your throat. Hopefully in time swinging will become better accepted and not so stigmatized.