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We see a lot of profiles that say they are looking for Secure, Confident couples. For a new couple looking to try out swinging for the first time, while they can be secure and confident in most areas of their lives, wouldn't they have some insecurities and or lack of confidence when trying it out the first time? If one equates this to dating, isn't it normal to have some insecurity (i.e. am I/we good looking enough, what if they don't like me/us, etc). And does insecurity come off as lack of confidence in some respect? If you aren't sure if you will meet the other couple's idea of good looking or attractive, wouldn't that be some form of lack of confidence? We have had online conversations with other couples, but when they say we're not exactly what they are looking for, does that mean neither of us, or one of us, and if so, which one, and what was the reason? We have posed that question to couples before, and it usually just hits the "wall of no response". We have also had it answered, and we didn't curl up in a fetal position on the floor and rock back and forth inconsolably. If the lifestyle is about openness and communication, wouldn't it be a fair question to ask and expect a tactful, honest answer, say like well, while you both are nice looking and have good personalities, she was kind of looking for a taller or more buff, or bald, or etc. etc. or maybe he was looking more for a lady with more curve, bigger/smaller booty, taller, shorter, etc.? We understand not wanting to hurt people's feelings, but if done properly, it can be seen as constructive criticism and an opportunity to improve a new couples chances, if it is something they can change for the next couple(s) they meet. We would think that if a couple expects their potential playmates to have security and confidence, shouldn't they have the security and confidence to provide an open and honest reason for not wanting to go forward? Everyone has their cup of tea, and not everyone likes the same tea.

Be secure and confident and go to a club and talk to real people. There is also the 'spent the week' chatting online. Two messages then meet in real life or don't. Nothing online is like meeting in real life. As was said before, meeting online is a mine field. Maybe the other couple doesn't have good communication skills with each other? So she just says 'no' to everybody. Really Fabio...I've met Fabio and my wife has been with better!! Although I would say he is a really nice guy. Good Luck

We just ignore messages from couples that don't do it for us, when we started out a few months back we replied to everybody and sure enough when told "no , but thanks for showing an interest" some would want to continue the conversation and ask for our reasoning. Our replies and theirs went something like this, Mrs just isn't into bald heads Well she better get used to them cos she's not getting any younger We're not into the heavily tattooed look That's OK, we don't like saggy tits and beer bellies We're looking for someone closer to our own age. You clearly have a bob on yourself, we had a lucky escape Etc etc etc That's why we no longer reply, really isn't worth the time or the hassle. Plus what's the point when your reason is sugar coated anyway? I mean what do you say to the couple you rejected because in their photos the house is absolutely filthy? Or the couple you think are too fat/ugly/hairy? You're really just opening yourself up to abuse. What I will say though is that online profiles can be unintentionally misleading, we've met couples who's profile we loved and just didn't click in the flesh at all, and also profiles we turned our noses up at who we later bumped into and got on great , they were way more attractive than their photos too. So we place less emphasis on profiles than we did, well , we're placing less emphasis on the whole online thing to be honest, it's a minefield compared to just meeting people in clubs with no pre conceived expectations

Are you here because you are researching and trying to work up the nerve to bring up the idea of swinging? Or have you alreaday brought it up and you are now both researching together? Which half of the couple (if a couple) are you and which one of you brought up the idea of swinging? If it hasn't been brought up yet, then share what you are hoping to discover.

Gotta remember too, some of them may just be pic collectors. Just a male, with the female half not a real person, and they were only talking to you to get photos. Once they get them, they may continue to chat more, to try to get more pictures, but when they realize that is not going to happen, they just say sorry, you don't seem to be right for us and they are gone. They obviously can not give you the real reason. There also seem to be lots of people online who just go online and talk to others for a thrill but, despite what they may say, they have no real intention of ever meeting up with you. Don't take online rejection to heart. We just chalk it up to them being fakes or flakes and move on. Much better luck at the club than online. Our very first experience was actually the first couple we talked to online. However, after that, no luck at all online, despite having conversations with several couples and even moving some over to kik and having ongoing chats. Nothing turned in to a meeting.

I see you've got a SLS profile, so I would use that to start looking for events in your area and then start networking out from there. I know for a fact that Chattanooga definitely has a swinging scene. It may be a little more under the radar than other places since there aren't any public clubs like in Nashville, but it's definitely there. That would be another option too if you like the club scene, just make a trip up to Nashville whenever the urge strikes.

Thanks for the share. We have planned to attend some events in a couple of months. By them beings parties I will not set my expectations high for the first encounter. Party is what I will do cause that is what I like to do. If the moment comes about great if not then I'm good. After I shared this post with him we had a interesting conversation about the idea that added more light. Reading your post has given me conformation that what I was feeling wasn't so wrong. so once again thanks for sharing.

Meeting people online is difficult. Most people do not respond. Some just want to toy with no intent to meet. I am amazed we connected with people online at all.

By openness and communication, it's about spouses having that with their spouses, not necessarily other people outside of their marriage. People try to be polite. Personally, I don't think I would ask as it puts the recipient of the question in a potential bind and you might not even get a full answer. If it doesn't click for all four of you, it doesn't click. Oh well, move on. As for secure and confident, again I think that's more relative to your marriage than anything. I know my wife and I both had jitters getting into this at first.

We keep our face pics in a private gallery, but we will share them with folks we reach out to. We've never encountered an issue in the (geez!) 10 years now we've been doing this. Our take is that anyone we contact has as much to lose by revealing they were on a swingers site as we do if outed.

I see that you are a new member here at Swingersboard so I want to say WELCOME to the board. I feel sorry for you that you have found yourself in a situation of this kind. How do you feel deep down about your relationship? If you value the relationship and want to recover it, a professional marriage counselor you should both see. If relationship give you more bad feelings than good feelings, I recommend that you find a good divorce attorney. In either case, you should both agree to stay away from swing activity.

Club settings are not for everyone. When my wife and I first got into this, it was all clubs. Now, we haven't been to a club in years. The experiences we had at clubs weren't bad per se, but it was certainly much more enjoyable for her in a dinner/drinks followed by hotel room setting.