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We have been communicating a lot about our wants and desires. This site has helped us open up more to each other about our feelings and what we expect from the lifestyle. We are very eager to take the next step at our pace, together.

First, as to the word "Moist." I also read that people view the word negatively. Funny, but I think of a moist piece of chocolate cake and view it positively. As to the etymology of the word, a Google search reveals that the word has Norse/Germanic origins (that's why it sounts hard and strong) and is actually old. From Wikipedia: "The word in its modern meaning is attested in Middle English. Proverbs of Hendyng, a manuscript from some time before 1325, includes the advice: Ȝeue þi cunte to cunnig and craue affetir wedding. (Give your cunt wisely and make [your] demands after the wedding.)" At first I agreed that the use of the word was situational. Upon reflection if someone at work called be a dumb cunt, I'd be offended, but if they called me a ambitious cunt or a smart cunt, it would be a compliment - not only am I "ambitious" or "smart," but I'm strong as well. There is a story I posted here years ago about the time I was given more responsibility at work, including some purchasing decisions handled by a fellow that was retiring. The retiring fellow never sought other bids or negotiated better terms with a particular vendor, in exchange the vendor guy (also older) covering for his mistakes. With the three of us at dinner, the vendor (who treated me like a grandchild and called me "sweetie" sometimes) said it would be the same for me. I chose my words carefully and said, "Not this cunt." (I considered saying pussy or bitch.) It set the tone for the relationship, I got better prices, etc. I take "pussy" and "cunt" to refer to the genital region generally, while vagina is a specific place.

It's not the sex, but I agree it's how you treat one another. There needs to be communication, respect and deference not only in how a couple handle their sex life, but in everything really.

I can totally relate to your wife. I'm also Brazilian and the catholic background runs deep. After our first experience aboard the bliss cruise this past March (posted on first swinging experience). I can say the only negative thought that I had, was if my husband thinks any less of me now? But through communication, it was the complete opposite and he never felt so proud and lucky to be my husband. As for the religious part, that is something we had discussed prior to jumping in (we are both catholic). In our view, we feel no guilt, and do not let society dictate what's right or wrong, as that is constantly changing. Recently we had to confess for our daughters first communion, and we talked about if we should mention about our LS, but we both agreed that why should we confess on something that has brought us closer to each other and have absolutely no guilt. We should only confess our guilt and nothing else. Thanks for sharing. Wish you both the best of luck.

I like your reply and (since I am an obsessive fan of tag lines) really like your tag line.

That's great Markjorge1 - When it's together at your pace for both then I think you will have far more good times and far less problems (well from your side any way - who knows what crazy arsed people you'll meet lol) My wife and I have been together for over 30 years now and as couplers said - love and respect for each other as well as every thing else is in every thing we do apart and together or with others. Here's hoping for some great times in every thing you guys do.

Can i ask Why you think they will not fit in? From this quote "We just don't want to invite people that we know others won't want to play with." I'm curious - do you play with them? Not having a go or anything my mind just wants to know lol.

Like everyone else, I echo their caution. But as I've gotten older, my views have mellowed a bit and I'm not quite as cut and dried about it. Why can't we have good friends with benefits? I think it's the ultimate solution, really. The trick is to find the right kind of friends, and to leave room for growth. It sounds like you've had some fun already, which is great. I'd suggest that you treat every new encounter as a one-off, realizing that anyone can change their mind about how okay they are with it at any time. As cplnuswing said, leave room for a graceful exit. Sex makes people behave funny; it's a very intimate part of their lives and their relationship together. Swinging often brings about enormous growth in the relationship and in one's own understanding of one's self. Because of this, their interest in swinging will change over time, and you may or may not be a part of it. If you choose to go forward with playing with them, just recognize this and make allowances for it. I'd also suggest not being too coy with them. If they seem a little embarrassed about your alcohol-fueled party games, I'd try to get a conversation going about it, letting them know that you had a great time, and that you don't regret it at all. If you can find a way to get a dialogue going with them, you can maybe give them the opportunity to freely ask questions and talk about the way you two look at things (especially how you view playing with friends), and you can ask them - as Alura suggested - what they think about it all. Because you're curious. If the question comes up, does everyone want to play, yes or no?, then maybe gentle things a little by saying you're interested in seeing where things go, but that you really value your friendship with them, so they need to be straight with you if they ever feel uncomfortable at any time.

My ex and I played in threesomes with guys we knew to be Bi. I told them I was straight before we started, I never had any problems. If you're uncomfortable with just knowing the guy is Bi and don't want to play with him, that's fine, your preference. But if you're afraid he'll come on to you, and that's the only reason you're rejecting him, I'd say go ahead and schedule a date.

I would say to just keep doing what you are already doing, talking. She may never become interested, but the more she knows about what your thoughts and motivations are, and the more she examines her own thoughts and motivations, then it's possible she will start to break through the barriers she has about it. It's no guarantee, some people, most people actually, just aren't cut out for swinging, and that's ok. I should also say that even though the idea is very exciting to you, make sure talking doesn't turn into nagging from her perspective, because no one likes to be nagged at, especially on a subject they aren't that comfortable with. Should she start to have interest in expanding your sexual horizons together, then the idea you mention about letting someone watch is on the right track I think. Instead of trying to make that happen, just let it develop on its own. Go away for a weekend together and go to a swingers club. Go with absolutely no intentions or plans other than having a fun night out with each other. If she finds that environment sexy and she is open to you two having sex with each other in one of the open playrooms where others can see you, then try that. If she isn't that comfortable, then don't push it. Everything should be about letting her decide what is right for her.

Short answer - no. There is sometimes a long high wall between what we enjoy as fantasy and what we want as reality. It sounds like your wife has been very clear - she enjoys the fantasy but is not interested in the reality. You've asked. She said no. The first rule of sex is always "no means no." Enjoy the fantasy and don't push.