I'm going to start this out with a little background and a short story. We are event promoters so we get alot of new couples, and men and women who want to get into swinging, and or want to get their spouses into it.
Last week I got an IM from a woman who was very intrigued by the thought of swinging with her husband. Like you she has a friend who is in the lifestyle and has heard many stories about the fun. She and her husband have had talks about it and he is okay with the thought of bringing other women into their bed but no men! He is very adamant about this, he has no desire to see her or hear her with another male. She on the other hand not only would like to bring in women but men as well. After chatting with her for over 2 hours, and many questions about her life, it turns out that her husband is very controlling. He controls the checkbook, he makes all the decisions about everything from what she is allowed to wear to what they will have for dinner. He has already cheated on her as well. They have only been married for 2 years and she said that he was not like this at all when they were dating.
Even though he is willing to bring another woman into their bed, I told her what they needed was not swing partners but a good marriage counselor.
I'm sorry to say that I made this woman cry, but in the end it was a good thing, she sent me an e-mail on Sunday saying that they had had a few long talks and that they were going to seek out professional help to work on their marriage. She was very thankful to me for pointing her in that direction and not just telling her to buzz off.
Now like others have stated, you need to be able to talk and more importantly you need to both be able to "hear" what each other are saying!
While swinging is fun and exciting it is not for everyone, only you and your spouse can figure out if it's right for you.
If I were you I would work on the talking and hearing first, then in the future when you are able to say anything to each other, and I do mean ANYTHING with out being judged, it will be time to have a long discussion about fantasies, swinging, and what you want in the bedroom.
K