Leaderboard

Although I'm not "super active", I have been in the group sex scene for 10+ years. The "first time" (oh... those first times are eye openers) was a 3p (MFM) and my girlfriend at that time kind of pushed me into it. Before that "first experience" I was a super jealous guy. Anyways... she was a "girlfriend" but the relationship was on the lighter side and mainly sex so I agreed to try MFM (she had previously done swinging a few times with a former BF). As you can imagine, the "first time" was pretty awkward for me and I guess I was enjoying it... I mean, I was hard and all. Finally I was fucking her missionary style, deep... with her legs pushed back to her tits and she was sucking the other guy, her head to the side. The other guy reached his "over the top moment" pulled out and came on her face. 3 or 4 squirts of thick white cum... covering her face pretty good. I don't know what it was... but at that moment my whole "outlook" on sex changed. I changed from a vanilla, jealous guy to a guy who started to really enjoy and find kinky sex so much fun! I'm thrusting into her looking at her with cum on her face and I'm getting so damn hard! She's opening her mouth and the cum in dripping into her mouth now... yes... I couldn't control myself... I came inside her like I never came before. Its been over a decade since that first time and of course I love LOTS of kinky types of play but Fucking a woman with cum on her face is definitely one of those hot things. Anybody else into this kink?

Twenty-three minutes and thirty-one seconds. Seriously, this depends on what you are able to learn and what positive indications you receive from the other couple. A couple must build a consensus, a trust, and information must be exchanged, more about philosophies than events. Laura and I found that conversation during a first meeting often centered more on where she bought her dress or jewelry than the lifestyle. We thought this showed a discomfort so we tried to ease their fears. Personal compliments, aimed at the gentleman as well as the lady, helped. Don't say anything that isn't true. That will set you back in your goal. Learn about body language. There are a number of good books on it. A top indicator is when the other couple glances at your lips from time to time while talking. They're wondering what it might be like to kiss you. Look them in their eyes when you talk. They might not consciously catch the meaning if you occasionally glance at their lips and smile, but most will get the meaning subconsciously and open their minds to the possibility The length of time is unimportant. How much you learn about how they think is vital. That's my opinion.

Have enjoyed the revelation of your story from the beginning. Your writing style makes it so much more enjoyable, thanks. Your comment about the cost of the blue pill spurs me to tell you that I ordered and have been using a generic, non-prescription blue pill manufactured in India. My doc says it is probably 70% as effective as the branded version (I use the 50mg), but the cost was a bit over $100 for over 100 pills (there was a "bonus" pack). Whether a placebo or not, the effects have been tremendous. Know the contraindications, be safe.

Sorry for getting pissed, your post caught me at a bad time...dang dog peed on the pile of laundry I had waiting to wash. Anyway, you wouldn't be the first to think I was a male by my writing style, I get that a lot, so no offense there. Too many years reading and writing unemotional just the facts dossiers. My apologies also for not having added some of the details but, there are so many in a lifetime and unless you are writing a book, some stuff has to get left out. It doesn't help that we were both raised to believe that sex, intimacy, is something that stays in the bedroom and never in public so talking openly with strangers about this is a new experience for both of us. I'm much more willing to break with our upbringing than DH, so I am posting and he is not. I have never been one to speak for him, we share a lot of common thoughts in common but our perspective is different, so writing/speaking for both of us seems...presumptive? There are a lot of complex issues involved here including sexual repression brought on by a lifetime of a rather strict religious upbringing. Before anyone says I am bashing on him again, sex with him has always been the most loving experience of my life. He is a kind and gentle-man. Always thoughtful and respectful of me but, very vanilla to my cinnamon (he'll readily admit to that). I am the wild-child and he is the voice of temperance. This foray into open marriage, seems to be having some good effects for both of us. DH would tell you that he is and always has been a bit of a stick in the mud (he says he has a sick up his ass), a person who is risk adverse. It is how life turned out for us. I have always been the risk taker, the "I'll try anything once", adrenaline junkie type and tempered it out of necessity, for many years. We couldn't ever afford to take risks because always, always, the children's well being came first. It has been that way nearly our entire marriage; financially, vacation wise and right down to our sex life. Now we are at a point in our lives where risks are not as consequential as they once would have been and we can focus more on us, what makes us happy. For the first time in a long time, I can be me, all of the cinnamon me; less mother and more woman. DH says seeing that side again after all of these years is making him explore a side of himself that he never knew existed. He never allowed himself to go there. First, because he was taught that it was morally bad to even think these things (or feel lust at all) and then after, we were married because even entertaining such thoughts was irresponsible, disrespectful towards the woman and "cheating" if he so much as acknowledged that another woman was attractive in his own mind and would lead to nothing good. For the first time in his life he feels free to be both "bad" and at least mildly irresponsible. For him, it is a slow process and I am letting him have his space in reconciling the old way he believed he had to be, with the possibilities ahead. He is getting to explore his full sexuality for the first time. I hope I explained that well. This said, I don't think his ED is caused by depression. More likely, the ED caused some depression; the doctors thoroughly checked him out. He has a history of prostate cancer in his family, both his grandfather (died of it) and his father (caught it in time) had it. Doc thought DH's enlarged prostate might be part of the issue and so, is treating him for that (our insurance does not cover the little blue pill or any substitute for ED and at $80 a pop is out of our price range for the frequency we are used to). The meds are helping gradually and actually, since we started this venture, sex has been really good between us namely because it seems to give him a little extra oomph; Somehow, seeing me enjoying a non loving sexual relationship with someone else, is bringing home the idea that I wasn't just talking smack when I said that it is okay to treat me like a sex object at times. He is realizing that it is okay to act on his lust without reserve and fuck me like I am a woman, rather than just treating me like a fragile flower, a revered mother. Making love is good too but, as one woman he was talking to said, sometimes a woman just needs you to take her home throw her one the bed and fuck her. Last night was the first time ever that he actually talked dirty to me during sex and dang if it didn't just send me over the edge! He is seeing that acting on his desires and expressing his urges in bed doesn't mean he is disrespecting me or not loving me or any of those bad things he was told it was. Letting loose is both good and can be mind blowing. God I love him! This just keeps getting better and better.

We've never been asked what we do for work while in a club, Mrs Scared worries about disclosing her job but it honestly never came up, a lot of the talk has been about clothes between the girls lol and of course shoes, try not to overthink it and turn it into a big obstacle , we found it easy to lose our inhibitions in a club environment which was the opposite to how we thought we'd feel, swingers are usually very easy to talk to from our experience

That which you get from swinging will be in direct proportion to the amount you're willing to invest. If you answer vaguely other people will read it as reluctance and be less willing to open up themselves. Still, It's understandable that a couple won't be willing to bare their souls to strangers. If someone asks "What do you do for a living?" one can simply say, "We're really new at this and not yet at ease talking about our vanilla lives." That has the advantage of being true. "Let's talk about ideas instead. How do y'all feel about foursomes? Both couples together or in separate rooms?" If someone asks you to dance, simply say,"We're not dancers. Would y'all like to sit down and chat for awhile?" As the four of you exchange more and more ideas, y'all and your prospective partners will feel more at ease. If you remain closed and non-communicative, you will never gain trust and swinging will always be less than thrilling. That's my opinion.

To call semen "goop" shows an aversion to bodily fluids. One needs to get past that in order to enjoy swinging, in my opinion.

My boyfriend and I are new to this. We recently went to a party where I knew a few of the girls from college, one I knew very well. This was the first time we were going to a party where we both had multiple partners. The night before was the first time we were with another couple. I hadn't thought about something he mentioned after. He said having sex with someone after another guy was in her was upsetting. He said seeing the other guys goop and then doing it got to him.

How long do you usually talk before someone suggests playing together?

TexasTwosome Oh good to hear - really - see that is a great story of how you guys got to where you are and i agree some times there's just to much to write as back ground to your question. I'm also glad to here your husband is still working on the ED ( doc's or pills or both ) Your life story is some what like mine and my wife's only i was the wild one - but all though the kids growing up and all the other stuff is nearly the same for us as well. ( 33 years married ) I'm glad to hear you guys are finding ways to explore and that you are in-tune with the slowest partner as well - so many posts here are just dreadful with the way partners treat each other, thankfully most are not like that, ( so i get a bit pissed as well with them lol ) One thing that is really great out of our or rather my misunderstanding is that now any one looking for help, may come across this thread and if they have the same thoughts - well it just may help. So good luck to you both in this new venture, I would advise that one must be careful of emotions when bringing in a new person - there are many post where a attachment formed to the 3rd, that said i think you guys are on top of that already. Regards

We did the same exact thing. We realize how tough it is also... but worth the effort.....

First I would say for sure go at the pace of the slowest person, don't do anything they aren't ready for! Second, make sure all parties agree to stop, at any point in time, if anybody starts feeling uncomfortable with the situation. Remember the other person/persons you invite into your bedroom have feelings too and you need to make very sure, before things start that everyone is on the same page with what is going to happen and understands all boundaries. Also make sure to talk with you wife before, during, and after the experience...a lot! You want to go into it understanding that as a couple you are agreeing to a experience "wild" sexual experience together, and that neither of you will hold what happens against each other afterwards as long as you both stick to the boundaries you both setup beforehand. Remember at all times that this is something you and your wife are essentially doing for each other and the other person is a temporary guest into your relationship. In the end all that really matters is how you guys feel. Again that is not to say to disregard the other person/persons feelings.

I agree with the last post, I feel you guys should go only as fast as the slowest person. Talk it over, a lot, and decide what you guys are comfortable with experimenting with. I understand the notion that some people may have hidden agendas and are trying to get you to "soften" up on the idea of letting them fuck other women, but don't discount that there are guys like me out there also that genuinely LOVE to see their wife fuck other people. I love to participate at the same time also. I have thought about the idea of the traditional, full swap, situation, and have often thought that I would be too distracted by wanting to watch my wife to enjoy the other woman at the same time! This fetish is real.

I do not think it is at all unusual that you both have "Exhibitionist Fantasies", yet tend to me more introverted in your daily ("vanilla") life. Opposites can attract, even within your own personality. Based on my personal experience, the sooner you can embrace your whole "self", the happier you will be in the long-run. If pure and simple exhibitionism is a top-level thing for y'all, there are several ways to dip your toes in the water. One can be done without ever leaving the house. Webcams are a popular outlet, and it can be pretty easy to remain anonymous. A rather extreme example of this is https://chaturbate.com/ I can relate too. V&E(voyeurism & exhibitionism) is a personal favorite of mine. One of my girlfriends got into it almost as much as I do, and we had a blast putting on web shows. Just a thought, for an easy start into that arena. :-)

We usually end up chatting about the other couples experiences, sometimes they have a funny story, sadly we don't have enough experiences yet to chat about them forever but people usually like to know what made us decide to try swinging, who's idea it was etc. Be wary though that sometimes people might mistake shyness for not being interested, so if you are interested it might be worth mentioning that or complimenting them early on

We are seeing that, the "sport" thing. We like your views.

I think this is the best story I've ever seen in the popular press on the subject of consensual non-monogamy, mostly from a poly perspective.(I could have some institutional bias given that half a lifetime e ago I wrote for The Times for a decade.) Based on some of the comments here, I'm wondering if all the commenters have read the entire 12,000 word story. (This is, by the way, an unheard of length for even a feature story in a newspaper today!) This is not about a single couple, and it's the exact opposite of the typical popular-press titilating but cautionary tale (the kind that just annoys me.) It is about the experiences of a half dozen couples of various backgrounds and approaches to non-monogamy and the writer interviewed extensively - following up over the course of more than a year - 25 couples. She spoke with and quotes at length several sex-positive therapists and there is scarcely a cautionary note. What I found most positive was her suggestion that in the 21st century a fundamental change is emerging that represents a wider approach to how committed relationships can be defined. Was the primary focus of the story about what most of us here think of as Swinging? No. But any story that is aimed at a vanilla audience, albeit an informed and open-minded one, and validates non-traditional sexual lifestyles is, in my opinion, a good one for those of us in the lifestyle. Who among us wouldn't wish we could be more open with our vanilla family and friends about our sexual lifestyle choices? Not have to worry about losing jobs, family or friends? And of course in the long term (perhaps the quite long term) there is a greater potential benefit, more than just being freed from possible negative repercussions of being outed as a member of a disrespected sexual minority. As poly and other varieties of sexuality eventually become more fully accepted, our choices of partners will become wider.

On the contrary, such musings are pivotal to this board. We would argue that sex and sexuality are central to adult life. Sexual exclusivity is conventionally used to define and circumscribe marriage ("Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?"), The problem, of course, is that biology runs headlong into culture. How often do we see novices looking to "spice up their marriage"? That phrase acknowledges the tension. While there are surely sexless marriages, and while are surely there are asexual humans, sex is foundation to (most) adult lives and to (most) marriages. At its best, marital sex is joyous. Some marital sex is less joyous--makeup sex, pity sex, going-through-the-motions-sex. But it's still pretty good. Sex is generally pretty good. Whoever doesn't like physical pleasure and orgasms, you're free to leave the conversation. The angst arises with the possibility that someone else might be able not only to make your spouse feel good--but maybe do it better than you. The perceived vulnerability--the threat--is of marital dissolution and consequent abandonment. What makes a marriage "successful"? We would suggest that it is one that not only survives but actually thrives on events that occur both inside (e.g. raising kids) and outside (e.g. choosing how to interact with the complex pressures of work, money,time) the marriage. At the root of such success is the notion of partnership--"we are in this together, come what may, with and for each other, til death do us part".

I get it with common interests. We are going to dinner and a show with lifestyle friends. Other than a little gratuitous grabbing and good night making out, I don't expect that we'll play. We like to be friends with our playmates, generally. For others, it's just sport and they are not into a full friendship. It is everyone's choice.

What a very interesting thread, I have been reading it since the beginning. I can only speak for myself, but I wouldn't be surprised if others feel the same. As you said, it is one of the problems with the written word, not everything can be communicated, but you have done an excellent job of eloquently sharing with us who you are and the relationship you have with your husband. After reading the OP I shared many of the same concerns as others who responded. Now unless you are a very good pathological liar, and I don't believe you are, I don't believe you have anything to worry about. The subject of your OP was "Where do we go from here?" I believe you already know where you want to go. Just enjoy the ride now.

I have an idea if it is financially feasible. Go to a lifestyle resort like Hedo or Desire. If you don't want to spend that much, go to a Swinger event in Charleston or Columbia or Atlanta. We have lifestyle friends from rural Texas. They just don't have the opportunities that we have in the New York metro area due to a large, diverse and liberal populace. I don't mean just politically liberal, but open minded. If you venture outside your area, you may find a more diverse crowd with more compatible people.

I can understand your critique and it is one of the pitfalls of written communications and not actually knowing the people in question, that often things go unsaid which probably should not. Both of us read your post. A short summary of the commentary from him: DH said to tell you that as far as the issue of him not having a choice here, don't worry about him. He said neither of us has a doubt that if either he or I wanted to call it quits, wanted to go back to a monogamous lifestyle, that either of us would do anything for the other. It sure would be a lot easier from a logistics standpoint. No questions asked. DH says he is not the free spirit that I am and knows that loosening up a bit would be good for him. He has actually always coveted the ability that I have to speak my mind and be myself without constantly worrying about being judged by others. It is part of why he loves me so much and without it, I wouldn't be me. That even though he is moving much more slowly than I, he is finding it to be a worthy pursuit. He says he will get there in in his own time or not---in which case we can always decide to make another change. We balance each other out in the best way possible. Whatever partners we encounter know that any one of us can put the brakes on this at any moment. It is part of the discussion we have with them. To clarify, this was something that both of us have brought up to one another during the last few years. Sometimes he was hesitant to take that step and sometimes I was. Eventually through discussions, we BOTH decided to give this a try and see how it works for us. Neither one is going to leave this marriage for any reason. Period. If you would like to get into some of the trials and tribulations of what we have been through in our lives that I did not detail here, start with $26,000 a year, 20 years old with a baby and no government assistance or parental charity taken. We dug ourselves out of that quagmire to make quite a nice life for our family and we did it as a team. If you don't think that was tough enough, try putting yourselves through college at the same time. You need not worry about my feelings of self worth or the adoration and admiration I feel for my husband. He is the most wonderful caring father and husband. I am quite proud of what we accomplished together. What were you doing in your relationships at age 20? I know what all of our friends were doing and it wasn't working full time, changing diapers, making meals and being so dog tired that you found yourself waking up the next morning with your face firmly planted on a text book, while trying to make a traditional marriage work long term as you both ran in different directions one off to your 7:30 am micro economics class and the other getting ready for work. Rinse. Repeat. Ask me to show you a person that has absolutely no self doubts, never evaluates what they could have done differently or thinks they could have done something in their lives better and I will show you either an arrogant ass or a psychopath. I am far from perfect and made my share of mistakes but, I love my husband and put his feelings before my own. I am not easily insulted but, in this case I am actually insulted that you would even entertain the idea that I would walk out on my husband because he has a little issue sometimes in the bedroom. Talk about blows to my self-worth? Thanks a lot. We will depart this earth married and very much in love with the other. If the last 30+ years working through issues of far greater importance to a marriage than sex haven't already evidenced that, I don't know what would.

So the first time was one night my wife and I and a good friend of mine went out drinking, we came back to my house had a few more drinks my buddy ended up laying on my living room. me and my wife were joking and she stumbled and fell over next to him when she fell over she looked over at my friend and he had huge bulge in his pants she grabbed his bulge I was behind her and grabbed her ass she let out a big moan. It startled her because it was out of her character. she got up and said she was tired and walk to the room I followed behind her my wife immediately grabed my dick and begin to suck me off she started to moan and then ask I asked if my friend could come and I waved my friend then she started blowing us both I bent her over and we started taking turns fucking her he was much bigger than me and she was loving it I looked over at him and told him to cum in her after he did I got right behind her and then I cam her, after that she fell sleep with a smile on her face.

My late wife and I had talked so much about sex with others that we didn't hesitate to try it when the opportunity arose (so to speak). Sometime before, Laura had done a sexy single dude and told me her story from before the first kiss to the last. She seduced him and I helped her plan it. Our first couple experience started with swapped kissing in our living room where Mrs. Playmate and I remained at first. When the heat had risen considerably, with everybody nude, Laura and Mr. Playmate went into the bedroom. Mrs. Playmate had finished her second tongue-inspired climax when the noise in the bedroom grew in volume. We decided see what was so inspiring my wife. As we entered the bedroom, Laura was on her back with widely spread thighs, her hand guiding Mr. Playmate's cock into place. She huskily said into his ear, "Fuck Me! I'm gonna come! Fuck Me!" She audibly gasped as he penetrated her. She grabbed his buttocks and stretched her legs skyward, her toes pointing toward the ceiling, the whites of her eyes visible. That was the most erotic sight I had ever seen. It's still in the top several. Mrs. Playmate leaned across the bed and made a similar suggestion to me. She and I watched her husband slide furiously within my wife. There was no doubt of what was going on when he pumped semen into Laura while she sucked his tongue. They eventually turned over. Laura slid off and, with her smile wrapped around Mr. Playmate's semi-turgid cock, grinned lewdly into our eyes. I never felt any jealousy, just very much aroused. Laura and I had agreed that we would make our first swap exciting for ourselves and our playmates, knowing only that our marriage and our love for each other would not change. If a couple has developed fear-free communication, there is no limit to what either of you may do with others. Y'all are likely to talk about it afterward, and probably be anxious to make love together. In my opinion, that's why people swing.

Then there are some of us who find "sloppy seconds" to be arousing or at the very least, neutral. The concept of being last, being the one who remains when all others have gone, of being the one she chooses to be with in and out of the bedroom is quite gratifying to some of us. One of the great things about the lifestyle is the variety of people and of viewpoints. Having said that, I fully understand the other viewpoint, how another guy's goop is unappealing.

I have a very simple answer to most "I'm on the fence" type questions. The experience will NOT be fulfilling unless all involved are 110% into it. Passionless, tentative, worried and unsure are not words that go well with lifestyle sex. Yeah, it can be done but is it all it can be? Probably not. When it's right, you'll feel it in the pit of your gut. You'll feel like you maybe shouldn't do it but, you know that you will in spite of that. Be sure.

The late Mrs. Alura always promised me that I would be last. She kept her word.

The other issue that arises from the older tattooed folk is the concern over Hep B. It was a common occurrence 30 or 40 years ago, before the current standards of state health requirements, as well as the requirement of all the utensils and tools to be sterile.