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We had a similar situation. We swapped with a couple. The man was a sexual athlete. My wife enjoyed it and looked forward to a repeat. His wife, saying Laura had too much fun, told him she would never swing again. He came to our house a few days later to explain the problem, but asked if he could (from time to time) have sex with Laura without telling his wife. Since this was the antithesis of what we wanted from swinging, we showed him the door. Laura made it plain that she would not see him again, and we didn't. You're facing an extremely toxic situation, Ragnar. Deal with it now, first with your wife, then with Mr. Playmate. If you don't, the problem will fester and grow into the unmanageable. That's my opinion.

Swinging is a TEAM sport. If one member of the team says no, the answer for the team is no. The other wife said no, then the answer for everyone involved is no. If your wife doesn't understand this, then you should probably step away for a bit until you can both get on the same page. Sure, she is feeling excited at the NRE and flirting with someone new, but you should ALWAYS come first (as she should always come first to you). Hall pass nor not, you need to move on from this couple and find the next couple.

First, your feelings aren't wrong. They are your feelings and that makes them valid. Second, your wife should respect your feelings. If either member of a swinging couple is uncomfortable, the other should respect it and listen to them.

So we returned from a weekend in Holland. We were going to attend fun4two swingers club, noted as the best swingers club in the world. An amazing sexy place that we were both so looking forward to visiting again, our first visit there was 3 years ago and we had a great first ever experience where we met a great couple a little older than us who we played a little with. They became close friends from there and indeed we were now staying with them for the weekend, we'll call them Ron & Jane... On the Friday night at the club we hung out with Ron and Jane for most of the evening, we got chatting to some other couples but didn't connect with anyone enough to go any further... We had a few drinks and then went to the Jacuzzi area, a large Jacuzzi big enough for 10 or 15 people, we chatted in here for a while, surrounded by naked couples, some just chatting others sucking cocks, others fucking just a little. We then headed into the steam room the four of us. It was very hot in there, literally. We were all naked, chatting with sweat running down our bodies, my wife looked so hot in here and I soon began to lick her pussy, Ron began to suck on her tits while Jane was sucking on Rons cock, my wifes body was moving and wriggling in a way that I knew she was enjoying my work and the extra attention of Ron sucking and massaging her tits, my wife loves her tits sucked when we are having sex together... While I'm licking my wifes pussy I began fingering Jane at the same time nice and slowly and now Jane was slowly stroking my cock, all this was super sexy. My wife came hard in such a new setting for us, it was impossible not to be fully turned on and into the situation. After my wife came, I focused on Jane, fingering her and sucking on her tits at the same time until she also came with my wife and Ron looking on, it was great! I checked in with my wife as we all just lay there in the steam room for a few minutes, she gave me a look that I knew she was ok and comfortable with what just happened. Later my wife and I, Ron and Jane, we all went upstairs to one of the playrooms and got naked, there was another couple in the small playroom also and they were going at it so hard, we all joked after that we were afraid the guy was going to hurt his woman, even though she made noises that she was loving every bit of it! My wife and I got busy, just the two of us, Ron and Jane likewise with each other, it was hot and Horney, there were noises of women screaming in pleasure at different times from different adjacent playrooms and corridors, it was incredible, there were small peepholes in our playroom that people could look into and see all our action, likewise we could see into other rooms, women being fucked in all kinds of positions, it was so cool. At one point a woman was pretty much thrown into the opening of our playroom, half in, half out and being fucked from behind at the same time, it was so funny and hot! This is still all kind of new to us and it was a feast for the senses! We didn't go any further on that Friday night. It was enough for us and totally enjoyable. The following night we stayed in with Ron and Jane, drinks, sexy school girl outfits, candles all over living room, open fire, large mattress on the living room floor, couple of sex toys too just to make it all interesting... After a little while I started going down on my wife, she looked great in her sexy school girl outfit, very sexy! After just a few minutes I asked Jane to help me with my wife and I handed her the magic wand, my wifes favorite toy, Jane worked the wand with my wife, was great to see another woman playing like this with my wife. Ron and I began sucking on my wifes tits at the same time, there was a lot going on, this went on for quite a while, hands everywhere, intense, finally my wife came so hard, as she always does when the magic wand is involved! A few minutes later my wife grabs the other joy, a version of a vibrating rabbit, she put it inside Jane and was working her very good, slow and easy at first and then harder and harder, it was great to see my wife fully involved, and now I couldn't keep track of my hands, Rons hands, all over my wifes body at the same time and me sucking on Janes tits while my wife pretty much pounding Janes pussy with the vibrator, awesome stuff!Jane cums while I'm sucking on her tits at the same time, great experience! My wife then lays down on her back and Ron starts licking her pussy while I'm kissing my wife as passionately as we ever have, we make eye contact and I can tell my wife is comfortable and fully enjoying herself, Ron takes his time going down on my wife as I'm sucking now sucking on my wifes tits, I had a front row seat at a real life porn movie, we were all so into it! My wife came again and later I fucked my wife bent over the living room sofa while Ron and Jane fucked on the mattress, it was some of the best sex my wife and I have ever had! We were done for the night and fell into our beds after an incredible night! We didn't go any further with Ron and Jane. While my wife was extremely comfortable with all she did, she was not ready to give Rona blowjob or do anything else. She was still going at her pace and I was now even more aware of it and fully respected her for it. But even aside from this, what we did get up to with Rona d Jane was another step on our journey into this lifestyle, and to see how naturally my wife was in our playing with Ron and Jane made me very turned on and proud of her at the same time. It is more of a big thing mentally for my wife, entering this lifestyle than it is for me. My wife is still getting her head around allowing herself to let go and enjoy herself in these situations as it is so far way from how she was brought up in society in catholic Brazil. She is doing great. the following morning I checked in with my wife, we didn't discuss the night before too much, just touched on it, she didn't want to go into it too much either with Ron and Jane, they were aware of how big a deal these situations are to her, my wife wanted to chat normally without lots of questions wondering if she was ok after the experience of the night before, she wanted us all to not really go there, that she was cool with everything that happened and almost as if she had graduated into the lifestyle with no issues. I was really happy that she was good with everything genuinely. When we got home a few days later we chatted a little about our sexy night on Friday and Saturday, we both agreed that it was all super hot. My wife said that when Ron was licking her pussy on Saturday night that she felt slightly guilty in the middle of it, guilty that she was enjoying it so much and she thought she should not be, I was v happy she shared this with me and we both joked about it a little too, she was becoming even more comfortable with everything and I reaffirmed with her how much of a turn on it was to see her moaning with pleasure by another man licking her pussy and making her cum! We were both very cool about the whole weekend and I'm sure as we have more encounters in this lifestyle that she will become even more comfortable as we continue our journey.... Big thank you to all who have read our posts and those that have given their advice and experiences which has greatly helped both my wife and I. M

Thank you everyone for your advice it was greatly appreciated. I did come to the conclusion you all did and that my wife and I need to have a good conversation. Because once again last night she defended her actions as being innocent and not meant to hurt me. I lost it, but didn't act on that anger. I just clammed up. I told her several times I wasn't ready to have a discussion because all I had on the tip of my tongue was angry and hateful words. She now knows this is not a subject that can be treated with a "get over it". We'll see how it goes tonight. The cold shoulder is kind of childish, but it was best not to say what I wanted to at the time.

Our first rule was 'no married men'. That rule changed to 'no married men without their wife's consent'. That rule changed to 'married men are fine'. When we started we were mid 40s. Most of the single men we found had issues. It was very hard to find a compatible guy. Eventually, we started accepting invitations to guys who admitted to being married and in a sexless relationship. We found these guys to be extremely passionate, thankful, generous and uninhibited. They had gone so long without sex that it was like Christmas for them. So yea, it's cheating, it's horrible and all. My wife went into this not ever wanting to be 'the other woman'. But if a wife decides to become selfish and distant, that's a problem that can result in consequences. I think my wife justified it by thinking that she didn't cause the bad marriage, she was just the end result. At the end of the day, we do what makes us happy. You can eliminate some of your concerns simply by making sure the guy knows, going into a first meeting, there will be no sex. If he's married, he needs to sit thru dinner and answer some tough, sensitive questions. He needs to know that YOUR wife is who is in charge of this and all decisions will be made by her, on her terms, in her time. Then, by the time he shows up to fuck, he knows that he's been vetted and has had expectations defined. Then just hold on!

I think I have said several times that yes, if either of us said it needed to stop, we would. No questions asked. So, I won’t repeat myself again. I have an emotional attachment of some variety to everyone I consider friends. That is why we are friends and not just casual acquaintances. Some people are better at compartmentalizing feelings than others. If you have difficulty in that area then agreed, casual sex with many partners is the way to go. Your concern for us is admirable however, it is coming across on this end as judgmental; not at all unlike a Priest who has never been married, counseling a couple he has never met before, on how they should conduct their sex lives, based on what he has seen from the outside looking in. There are far too many missing pieces to make that leap. We were hesitant to even bring this to a website, any website but, sought an open minded discussion and sharing of experiences. We gave it a try. Now I believe that we should have followed our reservations and kept the details of this venture between DH and myself. TexasTwosome, over and out.

My and I were discussing how do we let each other know if we are interested in the other couple. If the couple asks us we will say yes or know but I don't want to ask the other couple if my wife is not interested and I do t want her to ask if I am not interested. What are some ideas of signs or signals we can give each other?

We did the same exact thing. We realize how tough it is also... but worth the effort.....

We started out thinking we would just hook up, but as time went on, we preferred to be friends with our partners and that is how we approach it now. It's not easy to find a four way match, but we try.

Sorry for getting pissed, your post caught me at a bad time...dang dog peed on the pile of laundry I had waiting to wash. Anyway, you wouldn't be the first to think I was a male by my writing style, I get that a lot, so no offense there. Too many years reading and writing unemotional just the facts dossiers. My apologies also for not having added some of the details but, there are so many in a lifetime and unless you are writing a book, some stuff has to get left out. It doesn't help that we were both raised to believe that sex, intimacy, is something that stays in the bedroom and never in public so talking openly with strangers about this is a new experience for both of us. I'm much more willing to break with our upbringing than DH, so I am posting and he is not. I have never been one to speak for him, we share a lot of common thoughts in common but our perspective is different, so writing/speaking for both of us seems...presumptive? There are a lot of complex issues involved here including sexual repression brought on by a lifetime of a rather strict religious upbringing. Before anyone says I am bashing on him again, sex with him has always been the most loving experience of my life. He is a kind and gentle-man. Always thoughtful and respectful of me but, very vanilla to my cinnamon (he'll readily admit to that). I am the wild-child and he is the voice of temperance. This foray into open marriage, seems to be having some good effects for both of us. DH would tell you that he is and always has been a bit of a stick in the mud (he says he has a sick up his ass), a person who is risk adverse. It is how life turned out for us. I have always been the risk taker, the "I'll try anything once", adrenaline junkie type and tempered it out of necessity, for many years. We couldn't ever afford to take risks because always, always, the children's well being came first. It has been that way nearly our entire marriage; financially, vacation wise and right down to our sex life. Now we are at a point in our lives where risks are not as consequential as they once would have been and we can focus more on us, what makes us happy. For the first time in a long time, I can be me, all of the cinnamon me; less mother and more woman. DH says seeing that side again after all of these years is making him explore a side of himself that he never knew existed. He never allowed himself to go there. First, because he was taught that it was morally bad to even think these things (or feel lust at all) and then after, we were married because even entertaining such thoughts was irresponsible, disrespectful towards the woman and "cheating" if he so much as acknowledged that another woman was attractive in his own mind and would lead to nothing good. For the first time in his life he feels free to be both "bad" and at least mildly irresponsible. For him, it is a slow process and I am letting him have his space in reconciling the old way he believed he had to be, with the possibilities ahead. He is getting to explore his full sexuality for the first time. I hope I explained that well. This said, I don't think his ED is caused by depression. More likely, the ED caused some depression; the doctors thoroughly checked him out. He has a history of prostate cancer in his family, both his grandfather (died of it) and his father (caught it in time) had it. Doc thought DH's enlarged prostate might be part of the issue and so, is treating him for that (our insurance does not cover the little blue pill or any substitute for ED and at $80 a pop is out of our price range for the frequency we are used to). The meds are helping gradually and actually, since we started this venture, sex has been really good between us namely because it seems to give him a little extra oomph; Somehow, seeing me enjoying a non loving sexual relationship with someone else, is bringing home the idea that I wasn't just talking smack when I said that it is okay to treat me like a sex object at times. He is realizing that it is okay to act on his lust without reserve and fuck me like I am a woman, rather than just treating me like a fragile flower, a revered mother. Making love is good too but, as one woman he was talking to said, sometimes a woman just needs you to take her home throw her one the bed and fuck her. Last night was the first time ever that he actually talked dirty to me during sex and dang if it didn't just send me over the edge! He is seeing that acting on his desires and expressing his urges in bed doesn't mean he is disrespecting me or not loving me or any of those bad things he was told it was. Letting loose is both good and can be mind blowing. God I love him! This just keeps getting better and better.

I have an idea if it is financially feasible. Go to a lifestyle resort like Hedo or Desire. If you don't want to spend that much, go to a Swinger event in Charleston or Columbia or Atlanta. We have lifestyle friends from rural Texas. They just don't have the opportunities that we have in the New York metro area due to a large, diverse and liberal populace. I don't mean just politically liberal, but open minded. If you venture outside your area, you may find a more diverse crowd with more compatible people.