Leaderboard

Let me reiterate: Swinging is a TEAM sport. If one member of the team says no, the answer for the team is no. The other wife said no, then the answer for everyone involved is no. If your wife doesn't understand this, then you should probably step away for a bit until you can both get on the same page. Sure, she is feeling excited at the NRE and flirting with someone new, but you should ALWAYS come first (as she should always come first to you). Hall pass nor not, you need to move on from this couple and find the next couple. There are plenty of fish in the sea and no reason to stay in a school of fish that don't all like each other. This is already causing too much drama and appears to only contain more drama in the future. This shouldn't be about who's right or wrong, or if someone is good or not...instead of trying to pass judgement, just pass on them and move on. If the wife doesn't want to move on to another couple, then you both need to stop swinging until you can both be on the same page when or if you resume.

Which website are you using in the uk? Why can't you just meet for socials until you find someone you are both happy with?

This is easy: Yes, please.

They were back again today, and even if they were a troll (not saying they are or are not...it doesn't matter), it's always best to treat every question or comment as real and offer the best help one can...what if they are real and looking for help? There is always the chance that a topic can help someone else reading it or reading it in the future. It never hurts to be kind and offer good advice. I would rather find out that whoever this is wasn't cheated on and this is just a made up story, but I'm always going to treat it as real. There's nothing wrong with that and no harm will come from it. Next time she comes, I do hope that she provides us with an update.

Talk to him about this. You need love, trust and communication to be successful. I assume you have the love, increasing the communication usually helps with the trust.

Actually, I do know why that is. When I was young, I was a jock and tom boy. I loved sports, all sports (except golf and basketball)and competed at high levels of many sports. I liked climbing trees, martial arts, building forts, snakes, spiders, dirt, BMX biking, skateboarding, competitive shooting, working on cars…I hated dresses, talking, painting my nails, was Uber-competitive and could out cuss a sailor. My mother made sure that I learned all of the “girl” things like ballet and went to "manners" school but, I preferred to hang out with dad helping him build the cabinets for the dining room or pouring the concrete patio. All of that turned me into this weird mix of being both a very feminine looking woman but, with the competitiveness and confidence of a man. Most of my life I worked in a male dominated field so, my professional and social interactions were with men, sometimes managing several of them professionally. My current career is working with cattle horses, training the more "crazy" ones that other people won't touch. Nothing like 1100 lbs of attitude and muscle that are so good at reading body language that they can almost smell fear no matter how well you think you are covering it up. But, with them, while you cannot be afraid and must have confidence every step of the way, you also must have compassion and treat them fairly by their rules, not your human rules. Try to push them into something before they are ready to go there and you might end up in the hospital or the horse might end up on the meat truck to Mexico. The focus can never be your own ego (too many in my profession are all about proving how tough they are and try to dominate rather than taking the time to encourage the horse to find the right answer for themselves), everything you do must be done for the good of the horse or you will fail them. There is a fine line there. Horses have taught me a lot about humans and controlling emotions. You have to love the horse for what they are. Do what is best for them and then be able to let them go back to their lives with their owners. Most women find me very intimidating at first. My best female friend (a fellow horsewoman) relayed to me that for weeks after we met she was scared to death of me because I "don't take no shit" as she put it but, she is really glad she stuck it out. I don't mind it at all. I like who I am and so does the one person who really counts, DH.

I've heard it qualified that "physical relations" can be sorted into three categories: making love, having sex, and FUCKING. We in the lifestyle might be able to add a fourth, recreational, but where the first three are all linked fairly directly to emontional the fourth tends to avoid messy emotional attachment for obvious reasons. While each individual might have their own preference as to their specific flavor, "hard and fast" tends to gravitate towards fucking or recreational sex because those two subcategories tend to be more selfish styles of physicality simply due to the goals: even gentlemen who swing or participate in LS choices can be construed as "selfish" because getting a partner off sometimes can be the most selfish thing you can do. I personally love getting a woman off for the sense of accomplishment and have had skewed ratios nearly all my life. If my partner or partners has 4 to my one I'm a happy camper. Stylisitically, it makes sense to have familiarity and capability in all four fashions; especially in our lifestyle. That being said; physical limitations, emotional limitations, synchronicity, personality, and simple preferences will affect everything. I've had the absolute best time with partners that upon first inspection would be absolutely no fun at all, and then I've had the deadest fucks ever out of the stereotypical "hot girls" who simply lie there. Had one lady friend in my younger years who (thankfully only a couple of times because I ended it due to the oddity of it) who make neither eye contact nor let me "look at her" because she was embarassed of the faces that she made. Wasn't a good time. Have fun, experiment, and most importantly communicate with perspective partners. Chemistry leads the pack - good luck and good swinging!

LOL njbm so you took the 1st line but what was the last line - Off cause he not goring to dump her after 43 years i was making a low level statement designed to get his back up and think about why he would not. Just as it did with you - (your defense of the marriage ) So now i know it worked lol just hope it does for him too ( it's easy to get your back up and lose sight of what is important-some times you need a jolt ), but as eastinwest said she may never want "to work it out" then he really does have a choice to make as in his own words it's making 90% of the marriage problems come up now. Regards and i do respect your opinions here 100%

If I'm being honest here - and I don't want to pass judgment on OP's situation - I think this can go either way. The question is whether this person's motives are well-intentioned or if they've become so absorbed in their own wants that the needs and preferences of others don't matter anymore. People who don't realize they need to change won't change. "My wife feels I'm over reacting and says I'm benefiting from his texts making her horny." Put that in nearly any other context, and it becomes a disturbingly self-involved statement, one where the person making it sees what they do as a boon to the other where the other should be grateful and is wrong to have their own feelings. If this statement were about money (ex. "How come you never cook us dinner anymore?" "You benefit from taking me out to dinner every night because you get to eat at all these great restaurants with me!"), many men would obviously conclude that she was using him. Not trying to inflame OP's situation, we don't have a lot of details and that could be way off-base, but I found it troubling. Most people, even with bad intentions, would make more of an effort to smooth it over instead of just telling him that his feelings are wrong and it's for his own good. Sometimes people take a turn and you find out that you can waste years trying to work out something that they don't really want to work out. Only the OP can know if this is a pattern of self-centered behavior.

We generally text husband to husband with other couples. Avoids a lot of problems.

We had a similar situation. We swapped with a couple. The man was a sexual athlete. My wife enjoyed it and looked forward to a repeat. His wife, saying Laura had too much fun, told him she would never swing again. He came to our house a few days later to explain the problem, but asked if he could (from time to time) have sex with Laura without telling his wife. Since this was the antithesis of what we wanted from swinging, we showed him the door. Laura made it plain that she would not see him again, and we didn't. You're facing an extremely toxic situation, Ragnar. Deal with it now, first with your wife, then with Mr. Playmate. If you don't, the problem will fester and grow into the unmanageable. That's my opinion.

Remember how hard it was to find ONE person who liked you for what you were and you liked them for what they were. Now, don't double that, but square it. It's four people who all must like and feel a connection with the other three. It IS very hard to do, but when you find that other couple, it is very awesome!

Lol really that's what you get out of it - ok then. So opened minded poeple can not say what they think ? and expect to have a opened mined response - who is the priest i wonder. best to you both.

Hi TexasTwosome No doubt you have gone over every thing what your getting from some of us is concern for the both of you not a put down for sure, while we may of never meet you two most of us do try and watch out for you guys in a "we are in this together forum" So tell you DH that i was just concerned for his well beaning and that of your marriage nothing more, Many of us here have seen how ED leads to bringing in a 3rd which ( even thought they say it will never happen ) leads to emotional feelings then ploy and while some say it's the best thing that ever happened i wonder given that now the husband is now sharing his wife - the time with her alone and all the other thing he now gets only half or less off, So while i hope the best for both of you and hope it works out the way you think it will - please be careful as you all ready do have a emotional attachment to Mr R - it started when you found in him the intellectual abilities that you like in people, can you see what your setting up here? It now is not just sex but a connection of the minds - is this what you saw in your husband ? is this why he for fills you? why do you look for that in a sex only 3rd. Because you do think about a lot and like to do that instead of finding sexual gratification in looks you find it in the mind ( and probably some looks ) so are you not doing what you say that your not doing ? I'm not having ago at you but more asking you to rethink what your looking for if it;s sex only then why not different guys that are acceptable to both of you? why is it important to only have one - we are all human and find comfort in things and or people we get on with - there is a connection. More over why does your husband like this guy as well? does he see in him something that he knows you like? when this all started from your post your husband did have ED problems and i can not shake the feeling he found some one he though could replace him for a while even if he does not realize it. This is why i keep talking back to you guys, i'm worried for you both. 28years is a long time and your heading into waters that go deep, i'm not saying not to have a swim just pick the waters that will not drown both of your marriage. So we always have different guys so that there is no attachment apart from the crazy sex for the reasons above, also while the girls get way more attention we do look for the same for myself just to make sure it's all for sex and nothing else, if my wife said lets stop today i could and would in a hart beat could you do the same? sorry for the long post - we really do hope the best for you both. Ps. i will not mention the ED any bro lol.

machiavel55 Yes i agree 100% how many poly stories start out the same way - i think that it's best if the two of them can get there normal sex life up and going then explore but - at lest they are thinking and talking about it openly and lets hope for the best.